A Kiss Before Waking
by kittyb90
Summary: COMPLETE!! Chapter 20 added. Hope you enjoy and thanks for the reviews!
1. Aftermath

A Kiss Before Waking  
  
  
  
===============================  
  
Author: kittyb90  
  
Rating: PG-13 so far, might get worse later  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing  
  
Summary: Set in the wake of The Gift and continues on into AU after that (WIP)  
  
Reviews: Please, but don't be too harsh!  
  
===============================  
  
  
  
Chapter 1 - Aftermath  
  
  
  
Dawn sat on the floor; her back pressed against the bed, and stared blankly at the wall. She hadn't moved for a day and a half; her legs and back had grown numb, but the numbness felt good. The others had given up on trying to talk to her hours ago. After she had finally run out of tears everything around her had gradually faded into the background, people appeared blurry and warped; sounds seemed to come from a great distance. Every now and then one of them would come and stand in the doorway and watch her for awhile, trying to think of a way to reach her before bowing their head in defeat and walking slowly away. She was vaguely aware of their concern, but the only thing that seemed to be able to hold her focus was the spot in her mind where she replayed Buffy's sacrifice over and over with one thought flashing in her mind every time. "My fault. My fault. MY FAULT!" Her grief was still there, ever present, but greatly overshadowed by her guilt and shame. As Willow came to the door she saw Dawn lower her head to her knees and was filled with a subdued joy at this sign that Dawn was finally coming out of her stupor. She walked into the bedroom and haltingly said, "Dawnie?" There was no response, and as she continued to watch she realized that Dawn had lapsed back into her unmoving lassitude. Hand coming to her mouth to stifle a sob, Willow stumbled back out of the bedroom and slid down the wall to land with a jolt on the floor. With tears streaming down her face she wondered if they would ever get Dawn back or if they had lost her too.  
  
He shuffled wearily into his crypt, just barely missing the sunrise, and collapsed into his chair to stare at the television. He had hoped he wouldn't make it in time. Then he could be free of the desolation pounding through his body. Well, he laughed bitterly, finally got what you wanted all those years. Except he wished with every ounce of his being that it had been him and not her. His head dropped to the back of the chair as a tear rolled down his cheek. It's my fault. I should have –  
  
"Uh, hey." Spike jumped up at the hesitant voice, wiping the tears from his eyes.  
  
"Oh, Red. Hi." Spike walked over to grab a smoke from the pack on top of the TV. He lit it and took a drag, staring at her intensely. He must really be off his game; he should have sensed her long before she spoke. "Help you with something?" Willow continued to look at him uncertainly for moment before apparently deciding to just spit out whatever was eating at her. She walked around touching things at random while she spoke.  
  
"I know things are... rough right now for you, everyone, for uh, for all of us. And we haven't always been- well none of us has really ever been friends with you, but I, we, well, we need you. We need your help." Spike curled his lip in disgust.  
  
"Oh, really? You lot need MY help?" He snorted sarcastically. "I don't know if you have enough money to --"  
  
"It's Dawn."  
  
"What do you need me to do?"  
  
  
  
He stood in the doorway staring at the unmoving figure of the girl he had sworn to protect. There was a time when the she had been vibrant and full of life, but now she was a frail, broken mess. His heart ached at the thought of what she must be feeling. She had been blaming herself even before all this, but now she appeared to be paralyzed with the weight of her guilt. He had to put a stop to it; she wasn't to blame for any of this. If anything she was the only innocent one involved in all this mess. He took of his duster and tossed it on the bed before sitting down on the floor in front of her. He reached out and took her hands in his, but she remained unmoving. Downstairs Xander was pacing around the living room, clearly agitated.  
  
"I don't see why we need him. He's probably up there making things worse and we're just sitting here doing nothing!" Willow looked at him sharply before replying,  
  
"I've told you why we need him Xander, and would you please lower your voice! We're lucky he even agreed to come. If it had been anyone else but Dawn he wouldn't have. So I'd appreciate it if you kept your hatred of him to yourself instead of, I don't know, pissing him off so much that he leaves!"  
  
"He won't leave." Giles said. He had been staring unseeingly at the floor, but now he looked up at them. "Much as any of us might hate to admit it, we were wrong about Spike. He honestly cares about her. Just as much as he cared for Buffy. He fought right alongside us, never wavering, and we've all seen how hard this has hit him. So cut him a little slack, Xander, this is tough for him too." Xander nodded wearily and sank onto the couch. Anya snuggled up against him and rubbed his arm comfortingly.  
  
"Everything is going to be okay," she said. "You'll see. We'll get through this."  
  
"Nothing will ever be okay again." Willow said sadly as she stared hopelessly out the window. They all bowed their heads in silent agreement.  
  
TBC 


	2. Aftermath-part 2

A Kiss before Waking  
  
  
  
===============================  
  
Author: kittyb90  
  
Rating: PG-13 so far, might get worse later  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing  
  
Summary: Set in the wake of The Gift and continues on into AU after that (WIP)  
  
Reviews: Please do, but don't be too harsh!  
  
Just a quick note: I want everyone to know that I am totally and completely a S/B fan, but there are already so many wonderful stories involving them that I decided to explore something different. Buffy will NOT be coming back.  
  
===============================  
  
  
  
Chapter 2 – Aftermath (cont.)  
  
Spike watched her in silence for a few moments. Willow hadn't told him much, but he got the impression they felt Dawn was overcome with grief. Spike knew better. He knew how crippling guilt could be and he'd wager that his little bit was overcome with it. He reached out and gently smoothed a strand of hair behind her ear then gently stroked her cheek.  
  
"Dawn? Are you in there, sweet?" Nothing. "I know that you think there's something you could have done, but you're wrong. She made her decision. You think she'd have been able to live if she let you go 'stead of her?" A single solitary tear rolled down her face, but she still didn't move. He awkwardly gathered her into his arms, and held her tight. "You have to come back to us; she wouldn't have wanted this. They all need you to be okay. It's not your fault." A slight tremor. "It's not your fault Dawn; none of it. You were not to blame for this." Another tremor so he continued the litany, telling her over and over again that it wasn't her fault. It was the only thing he knew to do, and he seemed to be getting through. As he held her and rocked her he felt his own tears wet on his face and for a brief shining moment he thought that maybe things would be okay again-someday, but for now he just let his grief flow over him.  
  
Time passed. Minutes? Hours? He didn't know, but his tears had dried and he was feeling the beginnings of exhaustion when he felt movement. He tensed as he looked down and saw Dawn begin to stir. She blinked twice as though awakening from a deep sleep. Then she noticed who was holding her and her eyes widened. She reached up and touched his face as she looked at him tearfully.  
  
"Thank you," she said softly, fervently. Then she threw her arms around his neck and began to weep. Spike just held her until the tears subsided. When she raised her head again he looked at her, a question in his eyes. She knew what he wanted and just nodded her head. Spike carefully got to his feet; Dawn still clutched tightly to his chest, and walked downstairs to the others. They all leapt to their feet as he entered the room, all of them speaking at once,  
  
"Dawnie!"  
  
"Oh, my god!"  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Is she alright?" Spike silenced them all with a wave of his hand and settled on the couch with Dawn by his side. She stretched her stiff legs as she glanced around at all of them. They all waited expectantly to see if she was really okay.  
  
"Uh, hey guys. I- I'm sorry I worried you all s-so much. I think I'll be alright now. Just a little stiff and sore." She was still shaky, her voice barely more than a whisper. They all looked at her uncertainly. "Really. It's okay. Thank you all for, well for everything. It was just all too much. I just..." Her voice cracked, and Spike broke in.  
  
"It's alright now, bit. You just relax; we're all here for you. You just take your time. No one's going anywhere."  
  
Tara figured Dawn was probably starving so they all set about getting her food and drink and making sure she was comfortable and just fussing over her in general. Spike never left her side. He sat holding her hand, quietly reassuring her again whenever she started to get that haunted look in her eyes. The others noticed their quiet communion and wondered at how a vampire as vicious as Spike could be so tender with the fragile girl.  
  
It took some time, but Dawn finally fell into a relaxing sleep. Spike watched her for awhile as she slept. Well, he thought wearily, she deserved a rest after all she'd been through. He figured he had better go face the others. He needed to have a little talk with them. As he walked into the kitchen where they were cleaning up, Willow took a step towards him as she spoke,  
  
"Thank you so much for, um, whatever it was you did to bring her back. We can, uh, I guess, we can take it from here. If you want to, you know, if you have stuff you need to..."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," Spike said flatly. "So you can just forget about nudging me out of here, Red."  
  
"Now wait just a minute!" Xander started, but Spike broke in before he could say anything else.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere until Dawn tells me to! I'll stay here as long as she needs me. Buffy..." His voice broke on her name, but he pressed on. "Buffy asked me to protect her. I promised her; I vowed that I would, and that is what I'm bloody well going to do!" He was practically shouting, but then his voice dropped to a whisper and he said, "She's- It's all I have." Willow shot Xander a silencing look as she put her hand on Spike's arm.  
  
"Of course you'll stay," she declared. "Dawn would want you to." Xander didn't look happy about this development, but he kept his mouth shut. Giles, who had been leaning against the counter, stood up straight and ran his hand wearily through his hair as he spoke,  
  
"Well. Right then, I guess we better set up a room for you."  
  
"Yeah," Anya chimed in. "You'll need to cover up those windows. Wouldn't want your peaceful slumber ending in a fiery death." They all looked at her until Spike finally responded,  
  
"Yeah. Right. Thanks for the frightening imagery." He shook his head, suppressing a grin as he turned to follow Giles. Wow, he thought. Demon girl made me smile. Haven't smiled since- and with that thought the smile abruptly disappeared. 


	3. Healing

A Kiss before Waking

===============================

Author: kittyb90

Rating: PG-13 so far, might get worse later

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Summary: Set in the wake of The Gift and continues on into AU after that (WIP)

Reviews: Please do, but don't be too harsh! J

Just a quick note: Buffy will NOT be coming back.

And another note: While this story will have loads and loads of angst, there will also be happiness. Thanks for the feedback so far; it really encourages me to get more done!

===============================

Healing

Dawn and Spike gradually settled into a routine. Spike slept and worked on things around the house during the day, sometimes venturing out through the tunnels to get groceries and whatever else was needed. When Dawn came home from school she went straight up and worked on her homework. When she was finished they would have dinner. Willow and Tara had taken up residence in the Summers' home as well so they all switched off on the cooking. Spike patrolled often with the others, but still made sure he was home whenever he thought Dawn might need him. It was the picture of a happy home, but most nights Dawn would wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks and she and Spike would sit in her room till all hours just talking. Talking about school, Buffy, that last awful day, anything and everything. Sometimes they would just talk about where they saw themselves in the future. Dawn would often kick it off with silliness.

            "Psychiatrist. You just **_know you'd be making the big bucks in a place as screwed up as Sunnydale!" To which Spike replied,_**

            "The Post Traumatic Stress cases **_alone would have you raking in the millions!" Dawn let loose with a giggle. Eventually they managed to get serious. Dawn was thoughtful for a moment before deciding,_**

            "It might be nice to be a doctor. I think I'd like to help people. You know, in a non-supernatural way? And I guess it'd be cool to meet the man of my dreams someday, and have a family, but I think I'd survive if that never happened."

            "I see. 'I-don't-need-a-man' and all that rot, huh?" Spike said casually, waiting for the inevitable reaction.

            "It is NOT rot! A lot of girls define themselves by the guy they're with and I don't want to be like that. I want to be strong on my own! So yeah, I **DON'T need a man! And I can't believe you just called that 'rot'!" Spike lifted his hands up in surrender as he began to laugh.**

            "Settle down, nibblet. I just love to get you all riled up!" Dawn started whacking him with her pillow, and then they were both laughing and tossing stuff at each other, enjoying the lighthearted moment. As they settled back down, out of breath from the tussle, Dawn lightly punched Spike in the arm one last time and said,

            "You're terrible!"  Spike laughed.

            "Just enjoy seeing that spark in your eyes again, sweet. Didn't know if you'd get it back." Dawn looked at him affectionately for a moment.

            "I don't know what I would have done without you these past months. I mean, the others are great. I love them and I know they try, but I don't think any of them realizes that it's not just grief that I've been dealing with."

            "You **_could tell them, you know." Dawn looked down sheepishly._**

            "I'm a little afraid to bring it up. They might realize that I am to blame and start to resent me." Spike didn't even hesitate.

            "Never happen. Don't you get it, yet? It was never your fault; they would never resent you because they would never blame you. I thought you had started to believe me about all this?"

            "I do. I get it, I do. It's just hard, that's all. Sometimes believing is hard. Can't I just talk to you about this stuff?" She looked like she had suddenly thought of something horrible. "Or are you wishing you could get out of here and get back to your life?" Dawn's eyes glittered with unshed tears as she looked at him.

            "Dawn," he said gently. "This is my life. There is nowhere I'd rather be. I'm not trying to 'get out of here'. I just want to make sure you're okay. If you don't want to talk to them, you bloody well don't have to.  I'll be here as long as you need me."

            "Thank you. You're a life saver." Spike looked at her and thought bitterly, _I wish. "So Spike, it's your turn. What's your future?"_

            "Let's see. Late at night. I see a woman leaving work to go home. I follow her, but she doesn't see me, of course. Predator like me knows how to keep to the shadows. I follow her all the way home, waiting for just the right moment to approach her." He had a decidedly wicked gleam in his eye as he turned to see Dawn's shocked expression. "She's a self-sufficient doctor now, but I still like to make sure she gets home safely." It took a second, but Dawn realized what he had done and began whacking him again.

            "That was awful! I thought- you jerk, I thought you were planning a murder! Don't do that to me!" Spike laughed again at having tricked her. They began the scuffle anew and for the moment all was right with their world.

A few more months went by and Dawn's panic attacks began to decrease in frequency. She still enjoyed her nightly discussions with Spike and it was even better than before because she didn't wake up in a cold sweat beforehand. He told her about his childhood, when he was still human, and it always amazed her how different he was now compared to how he described his human self, but she could still see William's tenderness in the way he was with her. Spike seemed ashamed of the man he used to be; he thought he had been a wimp, but Dawn figured that William's amazing heart and ability to love so unconditionally was why Spike was different than other vamps. She thought he was lucky that his human self had been so special, even if he had gone unappreciated when he was alive. That Cecily chick sounded like such a bitch. She knew girls like Cecily at school; she had hated them even more after hearing that story. 

They talked about all the incredible things he had witnessed over the years. It was so much more interesting to hear about history from someone who was actually there rather than reading a book or listening to her teacher's dry interpretation of the text. She lived for the nights; they were what helped her begin to put the guilt behind her and start doing what Buffy had wanted her to do – live. Dawn had also begun to realize that Spike was carrying around his own special brand of guilt. He never came right out and talked about it, but after awhile she had picked up on it. She tried to draw him out so they could discuss it, but he remained closemouthed. So she tried to reassure him in little ways; he had helped her so much she couldn't resist the desire to see him let go of his guilt. She didn't know if she was doing any good or not, but she had to try. She threw the covers back and climbed out of bed. Time to face the day; she'd worry about what to do later. She pulled on her black mini, along with her knee high boots, and topped it off with her burgundy sweater. She pulled her hair back into a braid, put on some lip gloss, and she was ready to go. Tara was making breakfast and glanced up as Dawn came in.

            "Hey, sweetie! Feel like something to eat?"

            "What's on the menu this morning?" Tara tilted the pan on the stove slightly.

            "We've got pancakes going on here, some fresh fruit on the counter, and I can whip up some eggs, if you so desire." Tara grinned happily. Dawn wished she felt as good as Tara apparently did this morning. She plastered a big fake smile on for Tara's benefit.

            "Just some fruit for me. I have to get going soon." Sometimes Dawn wished she could just skip talking to the others. It was silly, but she didn't want them to worry about how badly she had suffered since Buffy's death. She had been feeling better lately, but there were occasional spots of real badness, and sometimes she just got so sick of pretending. She knew she should just tell them, but everyone else seemed to be slowly healing and moving on and she just wasn't ready to burden them all with her problems. Spike had understood since the beginning, and she got the impression that helping her deal somehow lightened his burden rather than adding to it. He seemed to be healing too. At least he had begun to smile regularly, real smiles, not the ones he had displayed in the early days to make her feel better. And the other day he had said Buffy's name without getting that grief-stricken look in his eyes. Improvement all around. She popped a piece of honeydew in her mouth, and watched as Willow came in all sleepy eyes and tousled hair. Willow grinned as she came up behind Tara and gave her a hug. Tara smiled sweetly.

            "Mornin', sleepy head. Good dreams?" Willow snuggled closer, smiled a silly smile, and said,

            "Hmmm, Tara dreams!" Tara turned around and kissed Willow on the forehead before bringing the pancakes over and stacking them on a plate. Dawn envied their obvious contentment. She stood up to gather her things for school. Before she left she went into Spike's room to say good bye. She watched him sleep for a moment before crossing to sit down.

            "Hey, Spike," she whispered as she lay down next to him, nudging him in the ribs with her elbow. "Gotta go to school now." Spike barely opened his eyes as he curled his arm gently around her throat and pulled her back to his chest in a casual hug.

            "Bye, sweet. Be a good girl today," he said sleepily. Dawn gave him one last snuggle before she got up.

            "You'll be here when I get home?" she asked hesitantly. Spike's eyes opened wide, clear and alert.

            "Always. Be here as long as you need me, and I'd never leave without saying good-bye. Understand?" Dawn nodded and left silently. Spike lay there for a moment, thinking. "Bloody hell," he said wearily. "Too sodding early for deep thoughts." Then he burrowed back under the covers and went to sleep.

When Dawn's sixteenth birthday rolled around Spike surprised her with a car. He had been working on it for months. It had been a junker, but now it was a fairly sweet ride. He had completely rebuilt the engine, and there had been a lot of body and interior work as well, but the look on Dawn's face was worth every second. She went outside in the morning and saw it sitting there. The card stuck under the windshield wiper said it was for her, and she came tearing back inside with a happy little shriek. Spike was waiting for her with a grin, and she threw herself into his arms.

            "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she shouted as she showered his face with kisses. Tara and Willow laughed at the joyful display. Even after she let him go she kind of bounced around in place, filled with excitement.

            "Well?" Spike demanded. "Aren't you going to try it out?" Dawn just grinned at him.

            "Nope!" Spike was puzzled.

            "Is something wrong with it? You don't like the color! I knew I should've made it red! I can change it; it'll be simple…"

            "Spike!" Dawn interrupted in exasperation. "There is NOTHING wrong with the car. It's perfectly wonderful. I just want to wait till dark so you can come with me." Then she hugged him again. "You're so sweet! I think you're my best friend. Not because of the car, although that's just, I mean – wow, a **car, but that's not the reason." Spike smiled at her exuberance.**

            "Well, don't leave me hanging here, bit! What is this magnificent reason for my new 'best friend' status?" Dawn looked at him adoringly and said simply,

            "You."  Spike turned his head slightly so the two witches wouldn't see the tears shining in his eyes.

Later, while Dawn and Spike went for their joyride, the group sat around and discussed Dawn's progress.

            "I can't believe how much he's helped her." Willow's voice was tinged with awe. "I mean she hasn't had a panic attack in weeks, and today! You should have seen her! She was like her old self." Tara was nodding along in agreement.

            "I know. It was unbelievable!" Xander, however, wasn't convinced.

            "Come on, guys. Don't you think it's all a part of the natural healing process? I mean, I'm sure we've probably helped her just as much as, if not more than, he has!" The others looked at him incredulously.

            "Are you serious?" Willow demanded. "Did you lose an eye awhile back, or are you just in denial?"

            "What?!" Xander looked taken aback.

            "Good God, man! You've seen them together," Giles exclaimed. "She responds to him more than any of us. I know it's painful to admit, but he's done something for her, given her something, that apparently none of the rest of us is capable of doing. I think she's been good for him, too." Giles leaned back in his chair. "I find myself disliking him far less these days. I think she has a calming influence on him."

            "Yes," Anya interjected. "He hasn't insulted Xander's appearance or manhood in weeks." They all grinned and Xander shook his head.

            "Hell is probably freezing over as we speak!"

            "What's this about hell, now?" Spike said as he walked in and caught the tail end of the conversation. They all jumped and looked guilty.

            "No-nothing!" Willow stammered. "Just idle chit-chat."

            "About hell?" Spike looked puzzled.

            "Yes, just, uh, idle hell chit-chat. It's really none of your business, you know!" Willow stated, indignantly.

            "Fine! Sorry I bloody asked!" Spike's voice faded as he walked off into the kitchen.

            "Smooth recovery, Rosenberg!" Xander whispered sarcastically.

            "Well, I didn't see you coming up with anything!" she hissed back. Giles, ever the rational one, stepped in.

            "We were saying 'nice' things about him, children. It's **okay if someone catches you saying good things about them behind their backs! I doubt there was even any need for prevarication." Then he gathered his coat and keys, said good-bye to Dawn and with a jaunty wave he left. They were all silent. Finally Xander spoke up.**

            "Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna say 'Hey, man we were just extolling your virtues! Keep up the good work.'" He made a 'two thumbs up' gesture as he said the last part then continued. "I think Willow's 'idle hell' speech was probably the better way to go." 

            "Yes, honey," Anya agreed. "I'm sure you're right."

It was getting late so Anya and Xander gave Dawn a good-bye hug and headed home. Willow and Tara decided to head for bed. Tara hugged Dawn and reminded, "Don't forget about your party tomorrow! Make sure you get a little sleep."

            "I will. Night, guys!" After they had gone Spike settled down on one end of the couch while Dawn sprawled over the rest of it. "Sixteen. My own car. Key ingredients in the recipe for fun!" Spike snorted.

            "Recipe for trouble maybe. You'll be off parking with some git and lose track of time. Come rolling in an hour past curfew causing me to give him my 'Don't-make-me-break-your-arm' speech, all big-brotherly and scary, chasing off all your prospects. Remind me again. Why did I give you a car?" Dawn laughed and shoved his knee with her foot.

            "You ever give that speech to a date of mine; I'll break **_your arm!"_**

            "Huh! That'll be the day. Besides a gentleman must protect a ladies virtue!" Spike's tone of was all old-fashioned English chivalry and Dawn burst out laughing again.

            "Good thing neither one of us falls into one of those categories!" she giggled. Spike gave her a look of mock-affront.

            "Well! I don't know about you, but I am always a lady!" Dawn tossed a throw pillow at his head and rolled onto the floor, laughing.

            "Quit it! We're gonna wake up the Will and Tara."

            "I'm not the one making the ruckus!"

            "Yeah, but you're the cause." She crawled back up onto the couch next to Spike, and grabbed the remote. "Alright, lady, let's see what's on the tube." This time they were both laughing as they started to wrestle for control of the remote.

TBC

This chapter was less angst-filled then the others although there is much more angst to come. Hope you liked it I'll try to post more tomorrow.


	4. Wisdom

A Kiss Before Waking

===============================

Author: kittyb90

Rating: PG-13 at the beginning, but NC-17 towards the end of the chapter due to a disturbing description of an attack

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Summary: Set in the wake of The Gift and continues on into AU after that (WIP)

Reviews: Please do, but don't be too harsh! 

Just a quick note: Buffy will NOT be coming back.

And another note: While this story will have loads and loads of angst, there will also be happiness. Thanks for the feedback so far; it really encourages me to get more done!

===============================

Wisdom

When Spike came into the kitchen he found Dawn sitting, staring into space. He looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was only noon.

            "Niblet?" he queried, concern tingeing his voice. "What are you doing here, pet? Shouldn't you be in school?" When she still didn't respond he got frightened. "Dawn, what's wrong? Are you okay?" As he reached out to touch her shoulder she whispered accusingly,

            "Everything would be okay if you had just done your job." Spike jerked his hand back as though he had been burned. He could barely speak as he gasped,

            "What?" Dawn turned and looked at him angrily.

            "If you had _protected me, like you __promised, she'd be here now instead of you. I'd still have her with me!"_

            "I-I tried. I thought I did everything I could…" Spike shook his head, his eyes bleak.

            "You did NOTHING!" Dawn interrupted him coldly. "You've wanted her dead for years. You saw your chance and you took it! You _wanted her gone; you've __always wanted her gone! You pretend you care about me; you __act like you're my friend, but inside you're laughing at me, at her, at all of us for ever trusting you. You think you can live in this world with me, but you will __always be a monster!"_

            "No! Dawn, please," he pleaded. "I loved her! I love you, I tried. I tried. I TRIED!" Spike sat up in bed with a start. He choked back a sob as he collapsed onto his pillow. _The dream again. It was always the same; Dawn hating him, blaming him. Sometimes she raged at him throwing things and screaming, but usually she was just coldly bitter like tonight. The coldness was worse, at least with the rage she still showed him some level of emotion, but __this one, in this one she looked right through him, like he was already gone to her. It was his biggest fear; that she blamed him, and would eventually grow to hate him. He had tried to take his own advice and talk to her about his fears, but he never managed to force the words out. He could tell she knew something bothered him, and she had done her best to be reassuring. She was really something special, his Dawn. Trying to ease his conscience when she was suffering her own guilt. Although she seemed to be slowly getting over that. He was truly happy that she was finally letting go and getting on with her life. Soon she wouldn't need him anymore. The thought both elated and saddened him. He wanted her to __not need him, but conversely it was nice to be needed. __God! Listen to me, he thought. __I'm turnin' into a bleedin' sap! He smiled slightly. In all honesty, he didn't really mind._

It hadn't been long since he'd gone to bed, but he didn't think he'd be able to get back to sleep anytime soon so he got up and padded into the kitchen for a drink. He stood in the dark bathed in the soft glow of the refrigerator light. He grabbed a beer, and without turning around said,

            "Couldn't sleep, either, huh?" Dawn stepped out of the shadows and just looked at him for a second. Spike flashed back to his dream and broke out in a cold sweat, but then she broke the silence as she walked closer.

            "You always know when someone's there. How do you do that?"

            "I always know when it's you, too. Vampire senses and all." He gestured towards himself with the beer bottle.

            "So what's driving you to drink in the middle of the night?" Dawn took his hand and he followed her in to sit on the couch.

            "Bad dream."

            "About Buffy?"

            "'Bout you." Spike took a swig of beer.

            "Me? What happened?" Spike sat silently for a moment, debating if he should tell her. He should get it out in the open, clear the air, so to speak. He looked at her silently. She was all tensed up in nervous anticipation. He couldn't look at her while he did this so he stared into the darkness in front of him and told her about the dream. When he was done she was very quiet. He was starting to regret his decision when he felt Dawn's hand on his cheek, turning his face towards her. She spoke softly,

            "In a million lifetimes I could _never hate you. You're the bravest, most honorable man I know. I don't blame you for anything that happened, and there won't __ever come a time that I will. I've never seen you as a monster; I know you've done horrible things in your past, but I also know what you've done here, for me. You will always be my friend. I love you." Then she pulled him close and held him. His eyes filled with tears and he clung to her tightly._

            "I don't ever want to lose you," he said desperately. She pulled back and looked at him her voice firm,

            "You never will." 

They sat like that for awhile, just holding each other until Spike pointed out that morning was fast approaching, and she should get some rest before she had to get up for school. They both walked upstairs and he gave her one last hug before sending her off to her room. He stood in the hall in thoughtful silence for a moment before going into his own room. He crawled back into bed thinking of what she had said. A smile touched his lips as he laid his head on the pillow. Yep, she was something special alright. And he fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

The next few months passed in much the same manner as the previous months had. Since that night in the living room Dawn and Spike talked openly about his feelings of guilt along with all the things they usually discussed. Spike was glad he had opened up about his feelings; their friendship was stronger than ever and he had started to feel like maybe it hadn't _all been his fault. He had even started to become better friends with the Scoobies, which he still couldn't believe. Giles spoke to him in a normal tone rather than the constant sarcasm to which he had become accustomed. Willow and Tara joked around with him as they would a friend. Even the whelp occasionally talked to him as though he didn't want to stake him on sight. Spike would never admit it, but sometimes, not often, but sometimes he was amused by Harris, and found him to be almost bearable, bordering, on rare occasions on likeable. Anya, while having always been friendly to him, showed her acceptance of him more overtly now that Xander didn't hate him outright._

He and Dawn often went for long drives in her birthday car after the sun went down. Sometimes Dawn drove, but usually she let Spike drive. She enjoyed watching him while they talked, and liked to be able to fidget all around the car. Both activities somewhat limited when she was in the driver's seat. Tonight she had tossed him the keys before dragging him out to the car with a hastily shouted,

            "G'bye!" to Will and Tara. He chuckled at her impatience to be out of the house.

            "What's with the mad dash, sweet?" he asked, indulgently.

            "Movie. Fifteen minutes. Hafta see it. Get a move on." She spoke so quickly the words all sort of ran together, but he got the gist of it. He started the car and kicked it in gear.

            "Are you dragging me to some sentimental chick flick? Cause I gotta say, with what you and the witches have been picking for rentals lately, I think I've reached my quota for sap."

            "First of all, I object to the label 'chick flick'. That implies that men are incapable of enjoying an emotional movie which, if you're anything to judge by, is a total fallacy!"

"Hey!" Spike interrupted, and Dawn grinned.

"It also means that a woman can't appreciate a well written action flick, which is completely untrue." Dawn reached down and started flipping through the CDs. Spike glanced over curiously.

"Second?"

"What?" Dawn looked at him funny.

"You said 'first of all'; it's generally followed up with a 'second'," he explained dryly.

"Well, then. Just pretend I started my statement with 'I object'."

"What? Built up a little too much righteous anger; couldn't follow through?" Spike smirked. Dawn smacked him on the arm with a grin.

"Oh, shut up! Where's the CD I always listen to?" Spike glanced over to see where she was looking.

"_Fit to be Tied? I think it's in the glove box." Dawn opened up the compartment and smiled as the CD slid out into her hands._

"Yeah, baby," she announced happily. "Gotta have my daily fix of Joan Jett."

"You have very eclectic tastes in music," Spike commented.

"Variety is the spice of life."

"You never answered me about what we'll be viewing this evening." They were pulling into the parking lot.

"Oh, it's a chick flick."

"But, you said…"

"I never said I didn't _like chick flicks; I just object to the term." Spike growled at her, and she smiled mischievously._

They had a lot of days like that, rushing to one thing or another, being silly and having fun. There were also days where they just sat around, relaxing, and talking for hours. Spike sometimes wished they could go places together during the day, but he knew that would never happen so he was content with what they could do.

Dawn came home from school one day shortly before her seventeenth birthday and ran around the house squealing in excitement. Spike came tearing down the stairs, thinking someone was hurt. When he saw she her smiling and laughing with Willow he felt foolish and got a little angry.

            "What the bleedin' hell is all the yelling about?!" he grumbled. Willow looked up with a giddy smile.

            "Dawnie has a date!"

"This Saturday! He's a _senior!" Dawn said excitedly. Then she did a cute little victory dance, and Spike laughed along with Tara, who had come in from the kitchen._

            "Oh, really? A date, huh?" Spike slowly circled Dawn with his arm crossed over his chest and his chin resting in his other hand. He stopped suddenly. "You want I should do my scary-big-brother routine. Make sure he minds his manners?" Dawn gave him a look and said,

            "Nooo, I want you to do your disappearing-man routine, right about the time the doorbell rings!"

            "What, and miss a chance to torture you unmercifully? Now why would I do that?" Spike grinned, as Dawn gave a beleaguered groan. "What do you think, Red? Should I cut her a break? Hide out in my room?" Willow laughed. He grabbed Dawn in a bear hug. "Don't worry, bit. I'll behave, I promise." He gave her a kiss on her forehead, and then headed back upstairs. "Make sure you do your homework before you start phoning all your mates. I'll be upstairs if you need me." Dawn smiled at his retreating back.

            "'Kay. Thanks." She spun around to face Willow and Tara. "He's so great! Isn't he great? I love it when he's feeling playful. He's so much fun!" She spun back towards the stairs. "Better get going on my homework. Later!" The two girls smiled at each other. Spike, having heard everything Dawn said, stood inside his room smiling.

When Saturday rolled around the house was buzzing with excitement. Spike watched as Willow helped Dawn experiment with her make-up; trying different color combinations to achieve 'just the right look' as she called it.

            "I don't know why you're even bothering with this junk," he commented as he looked through the carry case. "You're perfectly beautiful the way you are. And what's with this lip gloss? Berry Wet? Cherry Rain? Where do they come up with these names?" Dawn looked at him in the mirror.

            "What did you say?" Spike looked up.

            "Names, they have crazy names." When he noticed her expression he said, "Oh. I said beautiful. Why do you want to hide behind all this, this _stuff?" Willow took a lipstick from his hand as she answered him,_

            "She's not hiding, Spike. She's accentuating her assets."

            "Just be sure that those are the _only assets being accentuated."_

            "Aww," Dawn murmured. "I just love it when you get all protective." She hugged his waist. "Now get out." She shoved him towards the door.

            "Alright. I know when I'm not wanted. I'll just go practice my speech."

            "What speech?"

            "My speech for your little boyfriend. It's gonna be a real winner." He could hear Dawn starting to protest so he called back down the hallway, "Kidding! I'm kidding!" Then as he got to his room he muttered, "Maybe."

Spike was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper when the bell rang at seven. He lowered the paper and peered at the stairway, but there was no one in sight. He walked over to the bottom step and shouted,

            "Dawn! Prince Charmin' is here."

            "Well, why don't you answer the door, Spike?" Dawn hollered back. Tara peeked over the banister and whispered,

            "She has to make an entrance. Could you get the door? Please?" Tara smiled. Spike plastered on a fake smile and dragged the door open. The whelp on the porch was about Spike's height and obviously a football player, if his build was anything to go by. He had black hair and a cocky grin that Spike instantly wanted to wipe off his face. The boy stepped inside before he was invited and glanced behind Spike into the rest of the house.

            "So is Dawn ready to go?" Spike felt an evil urge take over at the boy's insolence.

            "Yeah. She should be right down." He shut the door and reached out for a handshake. "I'm Spike."

            "Jake," he replied as took the proffered hand. Jake's eyes widened as he felt the crushing grip. Spike smiled innocently, ignoring the sharp pain in his skull.

            "Pleasure to meet you." The boy tugged at his hand and Spike released him. He watched with satisfaction as Jake flexed his sore hand a couple times. Spike heard footsteps and said, "Ah, here she is now." He turned to watch Dawn, at least he thought it was Dawn, slowly descend the stairs, and barely kept his jaw from dropping. She was dressed to kill in a velvet, burgundy sheath that ended about an inch short of mid-thigh and was held up by two very thin straps at each shoulder. She had on sheer black stockings, and strappy heels that matched her dress. Her hair had been curled and artfully piled into a topknot, with several curls left loose in front to caress her face. Spike had to admit her makeup did enhance all her best features, not to mention that she looked about five years older, but he still liked her regular face the best; without all the paint.

Jake stumbled all over himself in his hurry to get closer to his date. He took her hands and pulled her in far too close to whisper in amazement,

            "You look incredible! Let's get out of here." As the boy helped her into her coat Spike noticed that he found little ways to constantly touch her bare skin. What had Willow been thinking with that dress? Spike dropped a heavy hand on the kid's shoulder as he said menacingly,

            "She had better be home by midnight." But Dawn interrupted sternly saying,

            "Spike." She gave him a warning look and he gave her a big grin and switched to a jovial tone of voice in hopes of placating her,

            "Right then! You know your curfew. You two have a jolly good time." Dawn gave him a hug as she headed for the door and Spike whispered in her ear, "See. No threats, no bone breaking. I'm being a good little boy." She just smiled and snorted,

            "Yeah, that'll be the day." Then she was gone. _Now for the best part of the evening, Spike thought to himself sardonically. __Staring at the clock and worrying_

It was around eleven thirty when Spike was awakened by the front door closing softly. He couldn't believe he had fallen asleep. He had gone up to his room to read while he waited for Dawn to get back. Next time he'd have to pick a more exciting book. He figured Dawn would come in soon to tell him all about her night, but instead he heard her go into her room. Spike quickly got to his feet and went to see how things had gone. Her door was open a little bit, but she hadn't turned on the light. He could just barely make out her figure standing by the dresser. She had taken her hair down so it swung against her shoulders. He nudged the door wider.

            "Dawn?" She jumped, obviously startled, but she didn't turn around. "How'd it go?"

            "Fine. Spike? I'm tired now; can we talk about it in the morning?" Her voice sounded funny; something wasn't right.

            "You're lying to me." Spike's voice was flat. "What's going on?"

            "Nothing! I just- can you just leave me alone?! I want to go to bed." He was beside her in an instant.

            "Dawn, you're scaring me. Why won't you look at me? What happened?" He pulled her around to face him, and the soft glow from the hall fell across her face. The first thing he noticed was that the makeup around her eyes was smudged. She'd been crying. Then his gaze fell to her left shoulder. The strap of her dress was broken. He looked up and Dawn saw his eyes flash yellow, but when he snapped on the lamp his human features were still in place. "You have bruises," he said, his voice deathly calm, his words short and clipped. "Little. Finger shaped. Bruises. What did he do to you?" Dawn bowed her head, suddenly very tired.

            "Can we sit first?" Spike said nothing, but he led her to the bed and held her hand comfortingly. "We- he took me to this party. Nothing too big, just some people from school; I knew most of them. We were having a good time. We danced, and he told some funny jokes, and I thought he was really nice.

He said he wanted to go sit somewhere quiet so we could talk. I've seen the movies, I was cautious; I wasn't going to blindly follow him into some deserted bedroom like an idiot. But he didn't even try that; we just went into this little sitting room off the main hall. The door was open; there were people _right outside." Her voice rose alarmingly and Spike squeezed her hand to reassure her. "He kissed me and it wasn't a big deal, but then he started trying to…touch me. I pulled back and told him not to, but he didn't stop. I was getting ready to give him a piece of my mind when he reached up and covered my mouth and nose with his hand and shoved my head back against the couch. His other hand was… everywhere. I tried to fight him off, but one arm was trapped between his body and the couch, and the other…I punched at him a few times and tried to shove him off, but nothing seemed to faze him." Dawn's voice kept breaking and she had started to cry again. Spike just held her tightly. The way she was sitting she couldn't see his face, but she could feel it changing, back and forth, above her head. Strange. _

"I started to panic because I couldn't breathe and I kept trying to hit him, but I just got weaker and weaker. He threw his leg over so he was straddling me, and _finally I knew there was something I could do. I brought my knee up as hard as I could and he rolled off me in pain. I got up and ran into the hall. I saw a girl I know from school and asked her for a ride home." Dawn's voice shook with fear as she thought about what might have happened if she hadn't gotten away._

"I don't have the strength tonight, but I promise I'll report him in the morning." Spike nodded his head as he held onto her, thinking about all the ways he could kill Jake if he didn't have the bleedin' chip in his head. Dawn reached up and touched his cheek. "I know you. I know what you're thinking, but please don't do anything foolish. With that chip in your head you could wind up getting yourself killed." For her sake, he smiled and said,

            "Don't worry, luv. I won't do anything foolish. Now let me take a look at that shoulder." She leaned up slightly so he could examine her bruised flesh. "Bloody hell! These are pretty bad; he must have damn near crushed the bone!"

            "S'okay, I'm tough." He gently stroked the skin where that creep had hurt her.

            "This is gonna hurt like hell the next few days. Wish there was something I could do." He sat for a moment, then leaned down and kissed the spot. Dawn shivered and as he lifted his head their gazes caught, and something blazed to life in Dawn's eyes. Spike froze, then in a flurry of movement he was off the bed and moving toward the door. "Well, uh, why don't you get changed into some pjs or whatever and I'll bring you some cocoa and something to dull the pain."

"Like a shot of whiskey?" Dawn said weakly, and Spike turned back to look at her.

"No, like an ibuprofen. I'll be right back." Spike went into the kitchen and leaned his hands on the counter for a moment. _Yeah, 'I won't do anything foolish' he thought sarcastically. __Where's your head you stupid, git? It's **Dawn. Get your mind out of the gutter! Real sensitive thoughts to be having when she's just been ****sexually assaulted! Get it together. Spike made the cocoa and got out the pills, and by the time he was done his emotions were well under control. He decided that it had just been an aberration. **__Dawn's my best friend. I've never had romantic feelings for Dawn. It must have been a fleeting moment brought on by stress. He opened the door. __Okay. __Back to normal. Dawn was asleep so he left the cocoa and the pain killer on her night stand, in case she woke up. He covered her with a blanket, and switched off the lamp. He was almost out the door when she called his name tremulously._

"What is it, sweetheart?" Spike asked in concern.

"Please stay." He could hear tears in her voice. "I feel…scared by myself." Spike swore silently at the damage that uncaring jerk had caused.

"Of course I'll stay." He lay down next to her. He pulled her back against his chest, and tucked her head beneath his chin. He pressed a kiss into her hair. "You get some rest, bit. I'm here now; I'll keep you safe." She snuggled into him, but she was still crying. "Do you need to talk about it?" he asked her gently. She didn't say anything for awhile and he thought maybe she decided not to. 

"He was talking, saying…horrible things the whole time," she whispered. "He called me awful names. He said he liked it when I fought, he liked it rough. Said it excited him. He said he'd seen me look at him in school, and he knew I wanted him. He told me I was lucky…" her voice cracked. "I was lucky he asked me out; I'm not really his type. H-He said, he said when he saw me in that dress, he knew he was right about me cause only a girl who was begging for it would dress like such a, such a…" her voice faded out.

"Such a what?" Spike asked tensely.

"Such a slut." Dawn began to sob. "I just wanted to look pretty. I thought he _liked me! I didn't know that he would think – __that." Spike swore viciously, and held her a little closer._

"Dawn, listen to me! That dress, you looked beautiful. Only a sick, perverted mind would twist that into some sort of invitation. You didn't do anything wrong. This didn't happen because you were 'asking for it' or because your dress was sexy. Jake is sick. Rape isn't about sex; it's about power. You could have worn an old sweat suit, no makeup, and he probably still would have been an ass. This wasn't about anything you did or didn't do. It was about his twisted fantasies and his need to dominate. I know that doesn't make what he did go away, but I will _not let you walk around thinking you unknowingly caused this or encouraged him. This was not your fault Dawn. Not your fault." A sense of __déjà vu washed over Spike and he hoped that this awful night hadn't set back all the progress Dawn had made the last two years. It seemed as though she could read his thoughts because no sooner had the idea crossed his mind, she said,_

"Don't worry. I won't slip into another trance. I know, deep down, that everything you said is true. It's just; I think it's normal to feel ashamed. Not that I should, just that it's a normal reaction." Spike stroked her arm. "Next time you can give the arm-breaking speech."

"See? You're already working through the shame and moving into that righteous anger I know and love." Dawn managed a weak laugh through her tears and relaxed into Spike.

"I'm so glad you're here." Spike barely heard her whisper, and then she drifted off to sleep. Once he was sure she was in a deep sleep he got out of the bed and went to get Willow.

"Hey, Red can you sit in with Dawn? She's sleeping for now, but I've got something I need to do and I don't want her to wake up alone." Willow looked worried.

"What's going on? Did something happen?"

"I'll explain later. Right now I need to go. I'll be back soon."

"Okay, but you better explain when you get home; you're scaring me."

"I will. Don't worry; I'm taking care of the problem." Spike headed downstairs and started rummaging around until he found what he was looking for, last years Sunnydale High Yearbook. He flipped through it; Jake would've been a junior then. Spike spotted the familiar cocky grin. _Ah, there you are, you bastard! Westermore, Jake Westermore. Spike grabbed the phonebook; there was one listing. He noted the address, and went to check it out._

The house was dark when he got there, and he wasn't sure if this was even the right place. The family could be unlisted. Just then he saw Jake's car cruise up and park in front of the house. _Guess he decided to stay at the party even though the evening's "entertainment" had left. Lucky me. Spike thought with a tight smile. He watched the kid go in the house. Spike flicked his cigarette into the street with a spray of sparks and headed toward the house. After awhile he saw a light come on in the back of the house. He hurried over in time to see Jake closing the blinds in what must be his bedroom. Spike walked over and rapped on the window, then stood to the side where he wouldn't be seen. The blind parted slightly as Jake peered out into the darkness; then, when he didn't see anything, the idiot let the blinds close again. Spike sighed in frustration and knocked again, moving to the side once more. This time the dope pulled up the blind and reached to open the window. An evil grin lit Spike's face. __That's right. Open the window. Jake leaned slightly out the window and Spike made his move. He grabbed him by the back of the neck and dragged him out. He couldn't hurt the boy, but he should have no trouble restraining him. He shoved Jake up against the side of the house with an arm across his throat. He growled,_

"Heard you tried to have a bit of 'fun' with Dawn tonight." Jake, obviously begging for a killing, actually _smiled._

"Man, she totally wanted it!"

"That is really _not the right answer," Spike said pressing his arm deeper into the jerk's throat. Jake choked slightly; Spike winced at the pain in his head and eased off just until it went away. Jake's self-preservation instincts appeared to kick in as he groaned,_

"What do you want, man?"

"See, this is how it's gonna play out. The police will be showing up here sooner or later to take you in for questioning once Dawn reports you tomorrow. You will deny nothing; you'll confess to everything you did to Dawn down to the minutest detail. Then you'll let them lock you up," Spike explained patiently.

"Why would I do that?"

"Believe me. You do NOT want to be out here where I can get at you."

"Oh, yeah? And what if I refuse? What are _you gonna do?" Spike shifted into his game face before quietly saying,_

"I'll kill you." He watched the terror slide across the boy's face as he realized he wasn't dealing with a regular guy. Jake tried to back up even though he was already pressed tightly against the house.

"O-O-Okay, man whatever you say! Please don't hurt me!" Spike face darkened with fury.

"Is that what Dawn said to you? How many other times have you heard some poor girl say those words?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'll do what you said; I promise. I'll do whatever you want."

"Fine." Spike shoved away from him and his human visage slipped back into place. "I better not hear different. I don't want to have to pay you another visit."

"You won't. I swear," Jake promised frantically as he clamored back through his bedroom window. When he looked back the vampire was gone.

When Spike got home Dawn was still sleeping soundly so he explained everything to Will and Tara.

"Oh my god!" Tara whimpered. "Is she alright? I mean, of course she's not! But do you think she will be?" Spike nodded.

"She's tough. Right now she's hurt and ashamed and disillusioned, but when we talked earlier I got the impression, well I think with some time and support; I think she'll be okay."

"Uh, I hate to ask," Willow started uncertainly. "But, well, you didn't kill him, did you?"

"No, there's no way I could do that, me being chipped and all. But it's been taken care of."

"I'm afraid to ask what that means."

"Don't worry, Red. No one is getting killed. I'm just taking care of mine." Tara and Willow exchanged a nervous look.

Spike figured Will must have called everyone about the situation very early because they were all there for breakfast. They offered to all go with Dawn to the police station, but she felt it was something she needed to do herself; to take control. They reluctantly agreed, and Spike hugged her tightly until she laughed and said,

"I'm coming back! You're hanging on like I'm moving to Brazil or something." She gave him a peck on the cheek and then left.

"I hope they fry his ass!" Xander said in disgust.

About twenty minutes later, Dawn's car came zipping back in the drive. The door burst open and she came tearing into the kitchen, slamming the door behind her.

"That was quick," Giles said glancing at his watch. "Everything go alright?"

"Better than alright," Dawn gushed. "You'll never believe it! He was there. In custody! The cop said he came in last night; told them he felt bad about what he'd done, and confessed to _everything! Can you believe it?! They said I could come in later to give my statement; that I deserved to rest after the night I had. He felt bad! Wow! I'm going to take a shower." She skipped out of the room. They were silent as they all turned to stare at Spike._

"Good work, man," Xander said quietly and patted him on the back.

TBC

_This chapter was quite a bit longer than the others. Hope you like it! The next on will probably be long too. Well, at least I hope it will._


	5. Sacrifice

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Rating: Mostly PG-13 this chapter

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Summary: Set in the wake of The Gift and continues on into AU after that (WIP)

Reviews: Please do, but don't be too harsh! 

Just a quick note: While this story will have loads and loads of angst, there will also be happiness. Thanks for the feedback so far; it really encourages me to get more done!

A/N: Aww, this chapter has a song in it! If you've never heard the song, you should take a listen to fully appreciate the lyrics. It's _There You Are by Martina McBride_

=====================

Sacrifice

Dawn would never forget what happened with Jake, but with the help of Spike's comforting presence she began to put it behind her. For her seventeenth birthday he brought her flowers and took her out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. He said since her first date had been such a disaster she deserved to have a _proper date to make up for it. Dawn thought it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. She debated whether or not she should dress up. She felt a little __exposed when she wore anything she considered sexy, thanks to her encounter with the creep, but then she decided that going into hiding would be like letting him win and that was something Dawn would __never allow. So she tried on dress after dress; finally finding exactly what she was looking for. She looked at her reflection, smiling in satisfaction._

            "Perfect!" The skirt was long and fitted, riding low on her hips. A slit ran up each side stopping about mid-thigh, showing brief flashes of tanned leg. The top was fitted as well, ending at her waist, leaving her midriff bare. It was sleeveless, with wide straps that tied behind the neck. It left her back mostly exposed, except where the two sides met in the small of her back and fastened with three tiny buttons. The color of both was a rich hunter green. She paired the outfit with her Kenneth Cole 'An-Toe-Nette' boots in the same color and pulled her hair into a French braid. She thought about putting on some makeup, but then remembered what Spike had said about her not needing it and decided he was right.

            She came out of her room to model her choice for Willow and Tara. Willow gasped in surprise when she saw her,

            "Oh, Dawnie! That's so beautiful. I've never seen that one before." Dawn grinned happily.

            "Anya took me to the mall last week. When I tried it on she said I had to have it, and bought it for me as a birthday present."

            "Wow, who knew Anya had such great taste?" Willow said jokingly.

            "Hey! She chose me didn't she?" Xander said as he appeared at the top of the stairs. "Just came to see the birthday girl before her big night out. And, wow, does she look amazing!" He said with a grin. "Our little girl is getting all grown up."

            "Xander!" Dawn groaned, blushing furiously. "You're embarrassing me."

            "Oops, sorry. Unintentional. Seriously, though, you do look great." Dawn gave a careless shrug before replying,

            "I know."

            "Modest, too," Tara pointed out as Dawn giggled. They were interrupted by a knock at the front door. Xander went to answer it with the other three trailing down the stairs after him. He opened the door to find Spike leaning against the doorframe, hands in his pockets. 

            "I'm here to pick up Dawn," he said, grinning at their surprise. He was wearing a black three piece suit, with the jacket left casually unbuttoned. He pushed himself away from the door to stand up straight and caught sight of Dawn. He gave a low whistle of appreciation. "That dress was made for you, sweet. You look delightful; very stylish."

            "Thanks. You're looking alright yourself." She walked over to give him a hug. "That was cute, knocking on the door like a real date."

            "Just trying to make it a good night for you. You deserve it."

            "It's already the best night of my life," she said sincerely.

            At the restaurant they sat at a little table for two in the back. The food was wonderful, and they had fun commenting on the other patrons, most of them seemed to take themselves way too seriously.

            "God!" Dawn said, leaning in close so she wouldn't be overheard. "I never want to work here. I'm sure the tips are great since the clientele is mostly of the rich and moneyed variety, but they are _so rude!"_

            "I know! That guy over there practically threw the bread at his waitress 'cause it wasn't _warm enough!" Dawn giggled._

            "Yeah, and his wife was shrieking that the ice in her drink had melted." They laughed at the stupidity, and continued to make silly comments about the rudeness of the customers. On the ride home they discussed music as Dawn played various CDs. Spike told her she should sing for an audience because he thought she had real talent, and Dawn thought he was mocking her so she punched him lightly on the shoulder. When he had convinced her he was serious she conceded that maybe she would someday.

            Back at the house they walked slowly to the front door. Dawn took his hand as they talked,

            "I had a really good time tonight."

            "Does it make up for…you know, the _other?"_

            "Absolutely. I want to thank you for being here for me through everything. You always know how to make things right in my world. Nobody else does that for me. Nobody else can."

            "I'll always be there when you need me. Always know that."

            "I do," Dawn affirmed as they reached the door. They stood there for a moment, and then Dawn said jokingly, "So do I get a good-night kiss on this date?"

            "Well, of course!" Spike laughed. He put his hand on the side of her neck and they both grinned as he leaned forward and kissed her softly on the cheek. Spike pulled back, still smiling, and brushed his hand against her face tenderly. Their eyes met and their smiles faded as the look grew intense. Spike was slowly leaning toward her again when the door suddenly opened. They both jumped and looked to see Willow smiling at them.

            "So how was it? Was the restaurant great? Why are you guys just standing out there? Get in here and tell us all about it!"

            Later Spike lay on the bed in his darkened room, staring at the ceiling. _What the hell was that? He asked himself. His brain issued him a warning, __it's Dawn, remember? Your friend, __Dawn? Don't even think about it, buddy! Spike shook his head; he couldn't allow what happened on the porch to happen again. Dawn trusted him; he was there to __protect her, __not seduce her! She was far too young and innocent for him to be thinking of in that way. He loved her more than life; she was his dearest friend, and he would make damn sure he remembered that in the future. He would never abuse her trust in him by taking advantage of her. __Never._

            Spike and Dawn fell back into their easy camaraderie as though nothing unusual had almost happened. Dawn came to his room often in the middle of the night, usually for one of their late night talks, but sometimes to sleep after a bad dream about that night with Jake. The dreams occurred less and less frequently, but when they did, it would throw her into the familiar panic attacks she thought she had long since gotten over.

            "You know, I think that's what bugs me the most about the whole thing," she told Spike one night.

            "What's that, luv?"

            "During the day I'm strong. I'm living my life without letting what he did break me. I'm winning. But at night, when I dream, he _always wins." Dawn's voice cracked slightly and Spike held her tight against him._

            "I wish I could be there, in your dreams, to protect you."

            "In a way you are. You're with me in my heart, and it helps me keep fighting." She turned to face him, leaning her head against his chest. "And you're here for me in the real world where I need you the most. You're always here," she yawned sleepily and her voice began to fade, "when I wake up." Spike lifted his head from the pillow and looked down at her snuggled against his chest. She was asleep. Spike reached out and snapped off the lamp next to the bed. He settled down to sleep too, and as he drifted off he felt Dawn hug him just a little tighter against her and he smiled.

            "So, where do you want to go tonight?" Dawn asked, as she sat with Spike on the couch a couple months later.

            "I say we go play some pool. We haven't done that in awhile, have we?"

            "Yeah, but I always kick your ass, and then you sulk all the way home!" Dawn answered teasingly.

            "No. I always let you beat me, and then I sit and contemplate what a braggart you are and how maybe I shouldn't keep letting you win!"

            "Braggart," Dawn said, mimicking Spike's accent. "I love when you say stuff like that. You sound so very British!" Spike looked at her mockingly.

            "Luv, I _am British. How else am I going to sound?" Dawn giggled and threw the TV Guide at him._

            "I _know you're British, silly. I'm just saying, me likey!" Dawn wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and Spike burst out laughing before lunging for her. She let out a little shriek as he started tickling her. Tara peeked in from the other room to make sure everything was okay. When she saw them rolling around wrestling and tickling each other she just shook her head and smiled. She turned back and Willow looked up curiously._

            "Are those two at it again?"

            "Yeah, it's a tickle fight this time." Willow grinned and said,

            "They're so happy when they're together. I'm glad he stayed."

            "Yeah, if he hadn't, I think we really could have lost her, but to see her now, you'd never know." Then they both watched as the two friends continued their playful struggle.

            In the end they decided to go dancing, but they went to the Bronze so they could play some pool as well. They both went casual; Spike in his black jeans and a dark blue t-shirt leaving his duster behind in favor of a stylish black leather blazer. Dawn also wore black jeans with a ruby red halter. She wore her hair down, and carried a sweater in case she got cold. They invited the others along and made it a group outing.

            When they got there they discovered it was open mic night. As they found a table Spike leaned over to Dawn and gestured toward the stage.

            "You should go sign up." Dawn realized what he meant and her eyes widened.

            "Oh, no way! I'd be too nervous."

            "You'd be great," he argued. He turned to the others. "Don't you think she should get up and sing?" The others all chimed in with their agreement, saying she'd blow everyone away, but she was still uncertain. She looked at Spike.

            "Are you sure?"

            "I'll be right here cheering you on," he promised. She smiled and went to see what she had to do. A few minute later she came back. "Well?"

            "They'll call me when its my turn," she explained nervously. Spike took her hand.

            "You are gonna be great!" About half an hour later, after some guy finished singing the blues, the host came out and introduced her. She stood shakily and started for the stage. "Knock 'em dead!" he called to her. Dawn smiled back at him. 

Her first song was one of her favorites by Joan Jett and he grinned. She became more confident as she sang the words that she had sung a million times in the car with Spike. She was a great performer and the audience loved her. By the time the song was over she had gotten over her stage fright. She segued into a slow bluesy number, and Spike, as always, was amazed at her range. After the third song she took a bow as the crowd cheered and whistled their appreciation. She rushed back to the table, dropping into Spike's lap and bashfully ducking her head into his shoulder. He patted her back and whispered,

"See? I knew they'd love you!"

On the ride home Dawn could barely sit still.

"I can't believe I actually got up there and sang in front of all those people!"

"Sounded bloody spectacular, too! Did you hear all that cheering? That was all for you, sweet," Spike boasted proudly.

"I know! It felt amazing. My blood was pumping, my heart was pounding. I thought I was gonna throw up at first, but then I really got into it."

"I could tell you were lovin' every minute of it."

"I wouldn't have even gotten up there if it wasn't for you. How do you always know exactly what I need?" She asked in amazement before sliding across the seat and raining kisses all over the side of his face. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Spike's cigarette fell from his lips to land between his legs. He jerked in surprise and the car swerved. He nearly drove into the ditch before he was able to retrieve it and fling it out the window.

"Bloody hell!" he shouted. Dawn looked shocked for a moment and then burst out laughing. "Oh you think it's funny? That damn near got us killed!" She continued to laugh uncontrollably and Spike's lip started to twitch. "You know you're going to be the death of me don't you?"

"The best part," Dawn gasped breathlessly between fits of laughter, "was the look on your face." He started to grin. "But then you topped it off with a 'bloody hell!'" she giggled once. "And that totally sealed the deal." Then she burst out laughing again.

"You know you're gonna get it when we get home, right? Dawn? Dawn?" But she was too busy laughing to respond.

It was about four months later and they were sitting around the living room watching a movie when Dawn suddenly said,

"We should go to the beach." Spike turned his head to look at her before replying,

"Yeah, cause, you know, I _really need to work on my tan. Then you know what we could do? We could head on over to Sunday mass, ask the preacher for a blessing."_

"That's some wonderful sarcasm you got workin' for you. But I didn't mean during the day, you nitwit, I meant right now. The sun's down, but it's still really warm; we could go for a little swim." Spike thought about it.

"That might actually be kind of fun, but I don't have any swim trunks." Dawn waved her hand dismissively.

"Just wear underwear; it's not a big deal."

"I don't wear un- or uh, maybe we could swing by the store and I could pick some trunks up on the way." Dawn whipped around to look at him.

"Sure. That would work, too," she said with a big smile. Spike felt awkward for a moment.

"Well, then, I guess I'll go tell Red and Tara so they'll know where we are. In case they, uh, need us." Dawn continued to grin.

"You do that," she said teasingly. He got up to go, and as he left the room she found herself staring at the back of his jeans, and her grin grew even wider.

When they got to the beach Dawn kicked off her pants, already wearing her two piece underneath, and headed down to the water to wait for Spike. Once she was out of sight, he quickly changed into his trunks. A thought struck him, and he got a devilish look on his face. He snuck down till he was about five feet behind her. She didn't seem to hear him so he charged down past her, scooping her up into his arms on his way to the water. She shrieked in surprise, and then when she realized what he planned she latched her arms tightly around his neck.

"Spike! Don't you dare…" she was cut off as he ran full tilt into the water and dunked her. She came up sputtering and took him by surprise, sweeping his feet out from underneath him and tugging on his arm in one swift movement so that he tumbled in right after her. He pushed himself back up, wiping the water from his face.

"Where in hell did you learn how to do that?" he asked in shock. Dawn splashed water at him and replied sassily,

"You think you know all my moves?" Spike laughed in appreciation.

"Apparently you've got a few you've been saving."

"You don't know the half of it." Spike looked at her strangely.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dawn smiled and said,

"Maybe I'll tell you someday." Then she turned and swam off, kicking water in his face.

When they were through swimming they headed back to the car. Spike grabbed the towels and tossed one to Dawn, and they began to dry off. Dawn was muttering to herself as she tried to dry her hair. Spike smirked.

"Problems?" Dawn shot him a look.

"I can never get my hair dry enough."

"Want some help?"

"Sure." Spike wrapped his towel around his waist and moved to take her towel from her. He moved around behind her and, starting at the ends, he worked his way up to the crown. He carefully dried her hair, his hands gently massaging her scalp. Her head tilted back and he slowly stopped, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders. She shifted slightly, turning her head to look at him. She lifted her face to his and he whispered huskily,

"I think it's dry enough now." _Her eyes are so beautiful! He cleared his throat suddenly and handed her the towel as he stepped away. "We should get going." Dawn took the towel and smiled._

"Sure you don't want to try and catch the sunrise?" Spike chuckled.

"That would be exciting, what with me being all aflame." Dawn laughed.

"I don't think I'm up for that much excitement. I guess we should get going." They got in the car and drove home laughing and teasing each other. And once again Spike pushed what had almost happened to the back of his mind and tried to forget.

The months passed and Dawn and Spike grew closer. They went everywhere together; at least after the sun went down. When it was light out Dawn was either at school or home with Spike. They would watch movies and talk; occasionally they would read a good book together all snuggled up on the couch or on the bed. Sometimes, if she got home and he was still sleeping, she would curl up beside him and lie there wide awake just holding onto him.

It was getting closer and closer to graduation and Dawn had gotten acceptance letters from several colleges. She didn't even want to go to those colleges, but Spike had told her she should apply so she could 'keep her options open' as he put it. Whatever that meant. She already knew where she wanted to go, and she dreaded talking to him about it because she knew he would try to change her mind.

A couple weeks before graduation, and shortly after her birthday party, Spike found the acceptance letters. She was lying down in his room when he came in with them in his hand.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked as he hugged her, pride shining in his eyes. It was here, the moment she had been dreading. _Time to tell him, she thought._

"I didn't tell you because I'm not going." There. She'd said it.

"What do you mean? You're not going to college? What about all your plans? Weren't you going to be a doctor or a psychiatrist?" he asked lightly trying not to get angry. "Can't do that without college."

"Don't worry. I'm still planning on going to college. Just not those places."

"Well, where else did you apply? I thought this was all of them."

"I'm gonna go to UC Sunnydale." Spike looked puzzled.

"Why would you want to do that when you got accepted to all these places?"

"I'd just rather stay here. And UC Sunnydale is a good school."

"Yeah, but these other schools are better. There isn't anything you would get here that you couldn't get there."

"You're here," Dawn said quietly, not looking at him. "That's _one thing they don't have."_

"Nibblet," Spike said gently. "You can't skip out on an opportunity like this just to stay near me."

"Why not?" she demanded. "It's my decision, and I decided I'd rather be here with you." Spike shook his head.

"Look, I'll miss you too, but you can always visit."

"No, I'm staying."

"I won't let you give up your whole life for me!" he said in a flat, angry voice.

"It's not your decision to make!" Dawn's voice rose angrily, and Spike lifted up his hands in surrender.

"Okay, look, let's not fight about it. I know it's your decision, just promise me you'll think about it. That's all I ask." Dawn sat down beside him and he took her in his arms 

"I promise I'll think about it." Spike kissed her forehead.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Yes, she'd think about it, but her heart had already decided for her, and she wasn't going to leave Sunnydale. She couldn't leave Spike.

Graduation came and went and they didn't discuss colleges again, much to Dawn's relief. She didn't want to lie about it, but she also didn't want to get into an argument. It was her choice to make and she had already made it.

Ever since that first night at the Bronze, Dawn had continued to sing at open mic night. Spike was glad to go with her and the rest of the gang always came to watch her perform. This night wasn't any different than the rest, except for the sickening nervousness Dawn was feeling. She didn't know if she could go through with what she was about to do, but she figured it was the only way to make him understand. Maybe then he would accept her decision to stay. Finally it was her turn; she gave Spike a hug, and he smiled encouragingly. Then she went up on stage.

"This first song has always been one of my favorites and tonight I'd like to dedicate it to my best friend, who has stood by me through some really tough times." She smiled in Spike's direction. The others grinned at him and Xander reached forward and patted him on the back. The music started up, and Dawn began a haunting melody,

_"There you are in the early light of day_

_There you are in the quiet words I pray_

_I've been blessed by the simple happiness_

_Of the perfect love we've made_

_Every time I turn around_

_When I'm lost and when I'm found_

_Liking an angel standing guard_

_There you are_

_Every time I take a breath and when I forget to breathe_

_You're watching over me there you are_

_When I'm looking for the light in the middle of the night_

_Searching for the brightest star_

_There you are_

_There you are standing in a crowded room_

_There you are the earth and I'm the moon_

_My desire is to stand by the fire_

_That burns inside of you_

_Every time I turn around_

_When I'm lost and when I'm found_

_Liking an angel standing guard_

_There you are_

_Every time I take a breath and when I forget to breathe_

_You're watching over me there you are_

_When I'm looking for the light in the middle of the night_

_Searching for the brightest star_

_There you are_

_When I'm looking for the light in the middle of the night_

_Searching for the brightest star_

_There you are_

_There you are_

_There you are_

            The song ended and Dawn went into her second number, but Spike couldn't move. He could barely think. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? His mind was spinning. He looked up to find the rest of the group looking at him uncertainly.

            "Are you okay, man?" Xander asked quietly. Spike shook his head; he couldn't think. He had to think.

            "Yeah. No." Spike looked at them. "I've got to take a walk. Tell Dawn… tell her the song was great. I'll talk to her back at the house. I – I gotta go; I think…" Willow interrupted him,

            "It's okay. Go. Tara and I will bring her home." Spike muttered,

            "Thanks." Then headed for the door. The rest of the gang exchanged worried looks. They had all seen this coming, but they didn't know what Spike would do, or what would happen now.

            Spike drove aimlessly through town. Dawn was in love with him, or at least she thought she was. He'd known it might come to this; all those times. He'd known, and he had pushed it away choosing to ignore it instead of dealing with it. _What now? he thought. He drove for hours, thinking. Finally he came to a decision. He knew what he had to do._

            Dawn heard him come in several hours after she had gone to bed. She hadn't been able to sleep. The others hadn't been able to tell her much about why he had gone, but she knew it was the song. Was he angry? Maybe he didn't know how to tell her he didn't feel the same. Maybe she should go find out. She got up and headed for his room; she could hear him moving around. The door was open a little bit so she started to go in, but she stopped as soon as she saw what he was doing.

            "What is this? You're packing?" Spike glanced at her briefly, but then looked away.

            "Yes."

            "But why?"

            "I have to leave. I was going to tell you once I got my things together." Dawn rushed towards him.

            "You can't go! I need you!"

            "No. You don't. Not anymore."

            "Yes. I do!" Dawn pleaded desperately. "Didn't you get it? That was for you; I was singing to you! I love you." She put her hands on his chest sliding them up around his neck, threading her fingers into his hair. Before he could move she leaned up and kissed him. She put everything she felt for him into that kiss; the tenderness, the passion, her desperation, everything she had and everything she was. He pulled her tight against him, returning the kiss, greedy for the taste of her. He held on, afraid to let go, running his hands hungrily up and down her back. Finally, he pulled away and she whispered, "I'm so in love with you." He rested his forehead against hers.

            "I know. I got it; the song. I understood. That's why I have to go," he replied bleakly, his voice breaking. Dawn jerked away from him.

            "What? Why?"

            "Because I love you. More than I ever thought possible. I want what you're offering so badly it hurts." Spike's eyes were filled with tears.

            "Then why won't you take it?" she pleaded. Spike's face was filled with anguish.

            "I've become a substitute for you; a substitute for a real life, a real relationship. You say you're in love with me, but you've grown so dependant on me that I can't be sure you're not just confusing that dependency with love. I could never live with myself if I let you do that. You once told me you wanted to be strong on your own, that you didn't want to define yourself by a man. I want that for you too. I swore I would protect you and now I'm protecting you the only way I know how. By leaving. By protecting you from me."

            "I could never need protection from you," Dawn said with certainty, silent tears running down her face.

            "You're wrong. More wrong than you know." He pulled her to him again, and she went willingly, clinging to his arms. He kissed her hungrily, with an all-consuming passion that shook her to the core. He pulled away reluctantly, looking into her dazed eyes longingly. Then she followed him as he left the room and watched silently as he walked quickly down the stairs and out the door. She heard a noise behind her and turned to find Willow watching her sadly.

            "Are you okay, sweetie?" Dawn shook her head wordlessly, and Willow rushed forward to catch her as she finally broke down. Dawn just held onto Willow, sobbing because she knew in her heart he was never coming back.

TBC

_Do not worry; this story is far from over!_

_On a side note: Dawn has some expensive boots, no? And for any Kenneth Cole boot "experts" that may be lurking out there- yes, I know that those boots do not come in that color, but this is, after all, a work of fiction, so who cares?_


	6. Approaching Normal

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Rating: Mostly PG-13

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Reviews: Yes, please! I love 'em.

Approaching Normal

Mac watched as the girl unmercifully pummeled the punching bag; she'd been at it for a couple hours. She had been coming in every night for the past three years. She never talked to any of the guys, although they had all tried their luck at one time or another. She didn't even tell them to screw off like most women would; it was as if, to her, they didn't even exist. She just came in and headed straight for the bag, and she didn't leave until closing time. He shook his head and called out to her,

            "Closing time, Dawn."

            "Thanks, Mac. I'll be out of your hair as soon as I change."

It was the same thing every night; the mindless oblivion of the gym where her fists and the bag were all that existed, home to shower and change and then on to the club. She liked the club, it was the only place she felt truly alive anymore. Well, that and what she did after the club, but she has only started doing _that a few weeks ago. During the day she went to school, a good school far from Sunnydale. The kind of school __he had wanted her to go to. Well, he had gotten his wish, but what would he think about her after-hours activities? _

She supposed it was fitting that along with loving a being of darkness she had grown to love the dark. At first it was because that was when they could be together freely, but since he had left it had become a haven. A haven from the painful reality of her life. The darkness wrapped her in its cool embrace whereas the light was harsh and unforgiving, exposing every flaw and magnifying it a thousand times. Usually after she finished her evening routine she found herself drawn irresistibly to the street, where she would roam aimlessly for hours. The thought brought a bitter smile to her mouth. _Oh, no, he wouldn't like that one bit, she thought. But then he'd have to be around before he could complain, and the odds of that ever happening were slim to none. Dawn's lip trembled slightly, but she steeled herself before any tears formed. He had made his choice a long time ago; she just had to live with it._

            "I guess I'd have to say she's doing alright. She doesn't really confide in any of us."

            "But she's not in danger or anything?"

            "I guess not."

            "Look, we've been doing this since I left and the deal was; I call you every month, you give me an update and let me know if she needs me. Have you changed your mind or something?"

            "No, it's just- she always needs you, man, that's the problem. I don't think she'll ever stop needing you." There was only silence on the other end. "Why don't you let me tell you where she is; you can see for yourself."

            "No! I told you; I can't see her. And I can't know where she is; I don't think I'm strong enough to resist the temptation."

"I don't know why you feel the need to do this," Xander said into the phone. "All it's doing is causing everyone pain."

            "I told you before, she needs me gone. She needs to know that she can make it on her own without me." He could hear the sorrow in Spike's voice.

            "What about you?" Xander asked softly. "Can you make it without her?"

            "I don't matter," was all Spike said, and then he hung up. Xander slowly replaced the receiver. He stared at it unseeingly for a long time before finally getting wearily to his feet. _I'm not as sure of that as I used to be, he thought ruefully._

            At home Dawn checked her messages as she laid out what she would wear that night. The first message was Willow,

            _"Hey, Dawnie, it's just me. Again. I've called four times; are you getting the messages? Please call me. I haven't heard from you in a while." Silence.__ "We miss you." Xander was up next,_

            _"Dammit, Dawn! Will and Tara are worried about you; have you been avoiding their calls again? They just want to hear your voice, and when you don't call them, they call me, and I really need to get some sleep. So do a guy a favor and call them already. Set their minds at ease. Love you, kiddo." Dawn sank down onto the bed. She didn't mean to worry them, but she wanted to forget about Sunnydale and all the pain and loss she had experienced there. She couldn't do that when she talked to them; it all came rushing back whenever she heard their voices. She reached over to delete the messages, but then she pulled her hand back and sighed. That wasn't fair to them; she should call. She looked at the clock. It was too late now, she needed to get ready, but she'd call them in the morning. Maybe she'd be lucky and get the machine. __Yeah, right, she thought bitterly._

            At the club she talked to the bartender as people filtered in before the eight o'clock set. She loved this time of night. The buzz of excitement she felt right before she went on stage; it was exhilarating. It was odd to think that in the wake of her heartbreaking split with Spike the only thing that made her happy was something she would never have tried if it weren't for him.

            It had been about a year and a half after she'd left Sunnydale when she'd discovered the club. She had worked there as a waitress for close to a year before she started singing there. There had already been a guy that performed regularly when she started working there, but he had eventually left and the club began auditioning other acts. She almost hadn't tried out, but then she thought of all those open mic nights and gave it a shot. They had been highly impressed and hired her on the spot. In the six months that she'd been singing, business had tripled, and the owners had happily doubled her salary because she was such a huge draw. She had asked them to introduce her as Summer instead of Dawn because it felt good to imagine that she wasn't herself here. Instead of the heartbroken wreck she had become in the real world, in this place she could pretend she was just a fun loving college student without a care in the world. Mostly she did cover songs, but she had written and performed a few of her own and they had gone over really well with the crowd. Her performances attracted a wide range of people because she never sang one 'type' of music. As Spike had once told her, she had very eclectic tastes and it really showed in the songs she chose to sing. She had an eight o'clock set and then one at ten; they each lasted an hour. People would often stay for both because she performed different songs in each set. _God, I love this job, she thought as she took the stage to the wild applause of the crowd._

            After her second set Dawn changed into street clothes. It was an hour walk to where she always went afterwards, and, while she was in peak physical condition, stilettos were nobody's friend. When she got to his place she felt a little nervous, just like she always did when she came here. He opened the door almost before she knocked, and smiled when he saw that she had decided to come again after all. He opened the door wide for her to enter and then she followed him to the special room he had all set up for this kind of thing.

            "I'm glad you came. You're a natural at this, you know." He was very enthusiastic.

            "Really?" she asked in disbelief. She thought she had been kind of awkward the few times they had done this.

            "Oh yes. I can't _wait to get started. You'll be a pro in no time. Then you can take full advantage of your gift." Dawn removed her coat and then peeled off her top to reveal her black tank bra._

            "Well, let's get started then."

Dawn felt both exhausted and exhilarated after her session. Who knew learning how to fight could be so much fun? A couple months ago a girl from the club had been attacked outside her apartment, her jaw had been broken and she had been raped. Dawn had gone to see her in the hospital, and as she stood there staring at her friend's bruised and battered form she realized that with Spike gone and her living so far from home she was really the only one who could protect herself if something like that were to happen to her. So she had looked into several different forms of self-defense and that's when she had discovered Muay Thai kick boxing and Chaz. She didn't know if many women got involved in Thai boxing, but it wasn't like she wanted to compete professionally. She just wanted to use it to defend herself, and Chaz had been more than willing to teach her. So far, she loved it. Besides singing it was the only thing that made her feel truly free. As she was about to climb into bed she noticed she had another message on her machine. She walked over and hit the play button expecting another message from Willow or Tara; instead there was a moment of silence before she heard Anya whispering as though she didn't want to be overheard,

            _"Dawn? __Willow__ and __Tara__ aren't the only ones who worry. Please call." Dawn's eyes grew misty. There was something about Anya's voice, a slight tremor that could have been sadness or pain, that touched her more in that one simple phone call than all of Willow's insistent calling and Xander's joking pleas ever had. __I'm hurting them, she thought. By keeping them at a distance, she was hurting them the way Spike had hurt her by leaving. She started to cry. It was time to put an end to her avoidance; they didn't deserve it. Tomorrow she'd call them all, and on her next break she would go home for a visit. It was time to put the past behind her and finally move on with her life._

            Her reunion with the remaining Scoobies was tearful. Giles, who had returned to England the year before, timed his vacation so that he could be there during Dawn's visit. After they got home, Dawn found herself alone with Anya for a moment while the others went to get the luggage. Dawn studied her; she looked the same and yet she seemed so different for some reason.

            "It was your call that convinced me to come home, you know," Dawn stated quietly. Anya looked at her, surprised.

            "Mine! Why mine?"

            "I don't know. I think maybe- All of them are always _so emotional, and you've always seemed, I don't know, detached." Anya looked a little hurt so Dawn hurried to finish, "But, I could hear it. In your voice. The pain and sadness. And I realized that what I was doing was wrong and hurtful. I wanted to thank you."_

            "For what?"

            "For showing me that you cared." Anya smiled tearfully, and then everyone came back in and the moment ended.

            Dawn spent a lot of time with Anya while she was there, and they became fairly close. When it was time for her to go back to school Anya gave her a big hug and said, with a sunny smile,

            "Keep in touch!" But Dawn knew her well enough now to read below the surface and see that Anya was quite sad to see her leave. She and Anya called each other often once she was back at her own place. They would talk about how things were going on both ends and joke around. When Dawn had a problem, Anya had a way of cutting through all the bullshit and getting right to the heart of the matter. Dawn found she really appreciated Anya's forthright manner, and looked forward to talking to her.

            Dawn kept singing at the club and was able to put aside quite a bit of money. She increased the frequency of her sessions with Chaz, and he was impressed with how quickly she was picking everything up; he said she was becoming one of the best fighters he'd seen in a long time. She still went to the gym and worked the bag everyday; it was a great stress reliever, and a good work out. About a year after her first visit back to Sunnydale she was on her way to being whole again. She felt good about herself, happier too. She had finally been able to let go of her anger over Spike's departure, and remember the love they had shared without feeling bitter. She still missed him; probably she always would, but she realized now that he had been right. She _had needed to learn how to take care of herself instead of depending on him for everything; she felt a sense of pride and accomplishment now that she hadn't had before. But he had been very wrong about her feelings for him. She had loved him with a white hot intensity that had both excited and scared her. Even after four and a half years she still felt that familiar combination of heat and tenderness at the mere thought of him. She had tried to move on and find someone new. She'd gone on more first dates and blind dates than she cared to count, but no man had ever been able to compare to Spike. No matter how handsome or charming they were she inevitably found herself bored and uninterested in a matter of minutes._

            She often wondered where he was, what he was doing, if he'd found someone new. Sometimes when she was out walking at night she would search for his face among the people she passed, but she never found it. Once she had fearfully wondered if he might be dead, but then she decided that if he had died, she would have felt it. Somehow she would know.

            It was about three o'clock in the morning when the phone rang, waking Dawn from a sound sleep. She reached a hand out from underneath the covers and felt around the nightstand for the phone. She dragged the receiver to her ear and, half asleep, she mumbled,

            "Hmm,'lo."

            "Dawn?" the person on the phone whispered, and she sat straight up in bed.

            "Anya?" she said quizzically. "What's wrong?"

            "Nothing," she whispered again. "I'm sorry to wake you up, but I didn't want Xander to hear me so I had to wait till he fell asleep. I had to work hard to wear him out, his stamina-." Dawn interrupted her sharply,

            "Anya! Focus. I'm not interested in Xander's stamina! Why did you call?"

            "Oh, right! Sorry. Xander has been keeping secrets from me."

            "I'm sorry, Anya. But couldn't this have waited until the morning?"

            "No, this involves you."

            "What do you mean?"

            "Xander got a phone call today. I was napping after we had sex and he thought I was asleep, but the phone woke me up. I must have picked up the extension in the bedroom at the same time he answered in the kitchen and I heard who it was."

            "Again with the unnecessary sex info, so? Who was it? Or am I supposed to guess?" Dawn joked as she sank back onto the pillows, wishing Anya would get to the point.

            "Spike."

            "What?" Dawn demanded, sitting back up again.

            "It was Spike. He was calling to see how you were doing. I got a strong impression that it's not the first time they've had this type of discussion." Dawn was reeling.

            "Does he know where I am?"

            "I don't know. I don't think so. I do know that he still loves you. That was painfully obvious."

            "Oh, my god!" Dawn was floored.

            "Well, anyway, I just thought that you should know."

            "Wait. Where is he?"

            "I don't know. Maybe you should call tomorrow and talk to Xander. Maybe he knows. I better let you go. I'm pretty tired."

            "Okay. I have to think anyway. And Anya?"

            "Yeah?"

            "Thank you."

            "No problem, sweetie." Then the line went dead.

The conversation with Xander did _not go well. He refused to admit that he'd been in contact with Spike until Dawn heard Anya say in the background,_

            "Xander, I heard you on the phone with him. Tell the poor girl the truth; she knows you're lying." After a muffled argument Anya got on the phone, and she was very angry. "He wants me to tell you that he promised Spike he wouldn't tell you about the calls, and he's not breaking his promise."

            "What! You tell him if he doesn't get his ass on the phone _RIGHT NOW I'll be out there so fast it'll make his head spin. Then I will camp out in your living room until the next time Spike calls, and get the information from him!" Dawn was livid. How dare he refuse to tell her? This was her __life! Anya was passing the message on to Xander. Then he was on the phone again._

            "Look, I don't know where he is. He always calls me, and he won't let me tell him where you are. He just asks how you are, and if you need him. Then he's off the phone."

            "He 'always' calls you? How the hell long has this been going on?" she demanded. Xander sighed and said quietly,

            "Every month since he left."

            "God, Xander! You didn't think I might want to know about that?" she asked, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

            "Dawn, I promised him."

            "And when he asked if I needed him? What did you tell him?"

            "I told him you always needed him, but what he meant was, were you in danger, and you aren't." Dawn's anger deflated.

            "How is he?"

            "I don't really know for sure. Whenever I ask he just says he doesn't matter. Dawn, I'm sorry. I wish I had more to tell you."

            "That's okay. It's more than I had before. I gotta go."

            "Alright. Are you gonna be okay?"

            "Aren't I always?" After Dawn hung up the phone she lay down on the bed. She felt like sobbing, but no tears would come and she stared silently at the ceiling.

TBC

_I have read about Muay Thai kick boxing, but I am in NO way an expert so if there are any inaccuracies then I apologize. And what has__ Spike been doing? More on that next chapter._


	7. Beyond the Pale

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Rating: Mostly PG-13

Disclaimers: I own nothing.

Reviews: Yeah, baby!

Beyond the Pale

He didn't know if he could take it. Not being able to see her, not being close enough to touch, it was unbearable. He missed talking to her everyday, holding her close to him each night, hearing her laugh when he teased her. Five years now and he still missed every damn thing about her. He was weakening in his resolve, he knew. The last few times Harris had tried to tell him where she was he'd nearly given in. It would be better if he didn't talk to any of them. Hearing about her life and not being part of it was tearing him up, but he couldn't sever the contact. What if she needed him and he didn't know?

Sometimes he wondered if he'd made the right decision. What if she did really love him? Should he have stayed? No. Even if she really loved him she had still grown too dependant on him, and they could never have had a healthy relationship that way. She needed the confidence and security of knowing she could survive on her own without him. For her he would give up anything; even her love.

            "So do you still hear from him?"

            "Every month."

            "Any word on where he is?"

            "Not a peep. Maybe you should just let him go, Dawn."

            "Never. I've got a great P.I. looking. I _will find him."_

            "If he's gone into hiding no one will find him; not even if you got Sherlock Holmes, himself."

            "Maybe he wants to be found."

            "Maybe," Xander said doubtfully. "I'll call if I find anything out."

            "Thanks."

Spike's life these days consisted of sleeping, hunting, and working. He slept during the day of course, but at night he alternated between the hunt and what he jokingly referred to as his job. The hunt he enjoyed. There weren't as many beasties here so far from the hell mouth, but there were enough to keep him busy. His work on the other hand, he only did when it was absolutely necessary. He stole. It was always from those with plenty of wealth to spare, and he only ever took one thing. Something he could sell easily so he'd have money for blood and the added luxury of an apartment instead of a crypt. It wasn't what he'd call clean living, but he didn't know what kind of real job he could possibly have so he did what had to be done in order to survive. Nights were easy; he kept himself too busy to think, but the days. The days were rough. He still woke up reaching for her only to find emptiness. Sometimes when he woke up from a vivid dream the scent of her was so real that he had to look through the apartment to convince himself she wasn't there.

It was a warm night in July when it happened. He had been hunting a pack of vamps, and he'd finally finished them all. He was trying to decide whether to go home or look for another trail to pick up when he heard a strange noise. It was coming from the alley up ahead so he decided to check it out. What he saw chilled him to the bone. She was _maybe sixteen years old, and he didn't know why in hell she was out so late, but the predators had found her. Two of them held her while the third had started to cut her clothes off her. While he hacked at her clothing he was also fondling her roughly and not being too careful with the knife. She had several cuts across the top of her breasts and one across her abdomen; she was the one making the noise that had drawn him. It was a cross between a high keening and a gurgle. The one cutting and touching her was laughing. Spike's mind flashed on Dawn and his game face slid into place. Without thinking he charged. He went for the one with the knife and heard him say,_

            "What the f-" before Spike's fist connected with his jaw. Another one lunged at him and was rewarded by being thrown across the alley and knocked unconscious. He grabbed the third one, but as he looked at him Spike realized with shock that it was a human, and his hold loosened. The frightened young man ran away as fast he could while Spike looked at the other two; both human. He raised his hand to his head, but the pain never came. His human features returned as he walked toward the frightened girl who was huddled on the ground. He knelt down, but didn't touch her.

            "Are you alright, pet? They can't hurt you now. You're safe." She slowly raised her head to look at him. He was backlit by the streetlamp beyond the entrance to the alley and it gave him an almost ethereal quality. She reached out to touch him; to be sure he was real. "You're blouse is ripped. Here put this on." Spike had a shirt on over his t-shirt so he took it off and slid it around her shoulders. "Now button that up and I'll get you home." Her fingers shook as she fastened the shirt, but she managed to get it done. He walked her home, neither of them saying a word. She had her hand on the door when she started to thank him, but when she turned around he was gone. She looked up and down the street, but didn't see him anywhere. It was as if he had just vanished. Maybe he had never existed to begin with. The whole thing did seem unreal; he'd thrown one of those men at least twenty feet through the air. She looked down at the shirt she wore, a reminder that he had indeed existed. She looked back down the street; she didn't know what he was, but he had probably just saved her life.

            Spike walked the streets in shock. They had been human, and yet there was no pain. How could this be? The chip should have jolted him the second he'd tried to hit that first guy. How long had it been since those soldier boys had put the bloody thing in his head? Nine years, almost ten? Could it have finally just stopped working, run out of juice or something? That was really the only explanation; no one had known how long it was meant to work. It must have just run its course. Spike stopped walking and just stared blindly at the street. It was over; the dog had slipped its leash. He was finally free to make his own decisions; he could do whatever he wanted. He looked up at the sky and admired the stars for a moment. Then he began to smile.

            "He's late."

            "What? What do you mean?"

            "Normally I can set my watch by his call. He's late."

            "Do you think something is wrong?"

            "I don't know, but I'm worried."

            "Do you think something could have…happened to him?" Anya asked in concern.

            "No. I'm sure- he's probably fine." Xander looked uncertain. He looked at Anya. "But, maybe we shouldn't, you know, mention this to Dawn. It would only make her worry, and I'm sure he's fine. He's just...late, is all." But they were both far from certain, and they sat and watched the phone, hoping it would ring soon.

            Dawn sat on her couch waiting for the P.I. she'd hired to call. Either this guy was totally incompetent or Spike _really didn't want to be found. She was leaning toward the incompetence theory, mostly because she didn't want to believe that Spike never wanted to see her again. When the phone did ring though, it wasn't him, it was Anya. Dawn smiled to herself._

            "Hey An! I can't talk too long. I'm waiting for-" She never got to finish her sentence.

            "Xander thinks something might have happened. To Spike." Dawn's heart almost stopped; she couldn't breathe. She couldn't speak. "Are you still there?"

            "I- Yeah, I'm here. What do you mean? What happened?"

            "Well, that's just it. He's not sure. Spike was supposed to call three days ago, but he never did."

            "But, three days? I mean, he could just be busy."

            "Xander says no. Apparently Spike calls at precisely the same time every month. Xander made it sound like he's got it timed practically to the second. So he thinks something really important or something really…bad must have happened to keep him from calling this long."

            "How come I'm only finding out about this now? Why not the first day he didn't call?"

            "We didn't want to worry you unnecessarily."

            "What do we do?"

            "I don't know," Anya sighed sadly.

            "We have to find him!" Dawn's voice rose in desperation.

            "Sweetie, nobody knows where he is." Dawn's body shook with the effort it took to hold back a sob.

            "He'll be okay. He has to be okay! I can't lose him, not like this." Tears streamed down her face and her voice cracked.

            "I'll be on the next flight out."

            "You don't have to do that."

            "No arguments. I'm coming."

Spike, of course, had no idea of the turmoil he had caused. As far as he was concerned Xander was the only one who knew about his calls, and he didn't figure Harris would worry if he was a little late this month. After he had found out that the chip was malfunctioning he had gone to a demon doctor he'd heard of who happened to practice nearby. He'd had a battery of tests run on the chip and after it was all over he'd had confirmation that the chip was done for. He had nothing holding him back anymore, and he felt like celebrating. For the first time he knew, with certainty, that it hadn't all been the chip. He had changed; he felt no desire to feed off a human. Oh, he still hungered for blood; he was, after all, a vampire, but he would rather feed on his store-bought blood than kill and destroy to get it. He also felt like his occasional need for a spot of violence would best be served by continuing in his demon hunting ways. He felt like a new man; he headed home to call Xander. It was a couple weeks later than usual, but who was counting?

            "Where the hell have you been?" Xander practically shouted at Spike when he heard the familiar voice on the line.

            "What? You miss me or something, Harris?" Spike chuckled at the odd reception from someone who used to hate him.

            "We thought you were dead, man! Five years, and you've never once been late." Spike suddenly snapped to attention and asked darkly,

            "We? Who _exactly is 'we'?" Xander was quiet for a second then reluctantly said,_

            "Anya. She heard us on the phone a while back and confronted me about it. I couldn't lie to her, man."

            "Didn't you tell me that she and Dawn are like, best mates now?" Silence. "Xander?"

            "I might have said that. I say a lot of things; it gets hard to remember sometimes."

            "Dawn knows. Doesn't she?"

            "Yes, I would think she knows that she's good friends with Anya."

            "That's not what I meant, and you bloody well know it! Anya told Dawn about me calling, didn't she?" Xander didn't answer. "Didn't she!" Spike demanded.

            "Yes! Alright? Yes, she told her. I didn't know she knew or I'd have tried to stop her. When I found out I refused to talk to Dawn about it, but she just wanted to know if you were alright. So I told her everything I know." Spike interrupted,

            "You what?!"

            "Which is nothing! I don't know anything about your life, and that's what I told her. She seemed to accept that, but she was really pissed that I hadn't told her before."

            "Sounds like her," Spike said fondly. "So everyone thought I was dead, huh?"

            "Well, Dawn was sure you were alive, but she was still worried. What do you want me to tell her?"

            "Don't tell her anything except that I finally called. She shouldn't be wasting time worrying over me."

            "Spike, why don't you just let me tell you where-"

            "No. And I don't want to keep having this discussion with you."

            "Look you made your point. She gets it. Independence, confidence, blah, blah, blah. She still needs you. Not to take care of her; just to be here."

            "I can't; not yet."

            "Then when?" Xander demanded, but all he heard was a dial tone.

Xander was right. He had made his point, but he was afraid to go back now. The chip didn't work anymore, and while he knew he wouldn't hurt anyone he wasn't so sure the Scoobies would see it that way. He might have been able to hide it from the others, but he knew he could never bring himself to lie to Dawn. What if she turned away from him because she couldn't bring herself to trust him? What if, when they were apart, she was worried that he was off feeding on some poor innocent? He couldn't bear it if he looked at her and saw fear in her eyes. Just a few days ago he was rejoicing at this twist of fate, but now he considered that it may have cost him the one thing he wanted the most.

_That's it? Dawn thought incredulously as she stared at the phone she had just hung up. __I sit and worry for two weeks, and all he says is 'He called'! Anya had been in the shower when Xander called, and she came walking out of the bathroom as Dawn hurled the phone at the wall. Anya stopped and looked at her friend, worry evident in her eyes._

            "Dawn, I'm sure he's fine. He'll call soon, you'll see." Dawn began to pace angrily.

            "Oh, yeah. Turns out he _is fine. Xander just called." Anya was puzzled._

            "But isn't that good news?"

            "Oh yes, I'm overjoyed!" Dawn snapped sarcastically. Anya was beginning to get nervous.

            "Hon, you're being a little scary. Where was he? What happened?"

            "Oh, see, I'm not _allowed to know! I'm only allowed to know that he called."_

            "What? Xander said that?"

            "No, Spike did."

            "Ahh, he knows that you know."

            "Yeah, and apparently, I'm not supposed to worry about him either. I guess I'm supposed to just flip that big switch I have on the back of my neck to 'off'!"

            "Okay. That's sarcasm right?" Dawn snapped a look at her. "Right. Cause I'm just saying, that would be creepy, you know if you had...a…switch," she trailed off as Dawn's gaze darkened. "I'm just saying," she muttered.

            "Could you focus for a minute?" she snapped. Anya looked down at the floor and Dawn immediately felt bad. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just hurt and angry and I shouldn't be taking it out on you." She went over and hugged Anya. "It's been really great having you here."

            "It's okay, Dawn. You're still my friend." Anya smiled and stood up. "I'll call Xander back and see if I can find out anything else. I can be very persuasive." Dawn smiled.

            "I bet!"

"So that's really all he said?" Anya asked Xander later.

            "Well, that's all he would tell me, but I got the impression he's thinking about coming back."

            "Really?" Anya asked excitedly. "When?"

            "Well, he didn't actually say that he was. But when I asked him about them being together he said he couldn't. Yet."

            "Well, see that sounds promising!" Anya said excitedly. Then she frowned. "But I don't want to get her hopes up if he was just trying to put you off or something."

            "I know. That's why I didn't tell her."

            "Alright. I guess I'll let you go."

            "Okay."

            "And Xander?"

            "Yeah?"

            "I love you."

            "I love you too."

Spike sat at the bar nursing a beer. He'd never been to this place before, but as he'd passed by tonight thinking about his sorry life, he had decided a drink might help wash his worries away. The sign had advertised live entertainment, but Spike just cared that they had a fully stocked bar. He wasn't easily entertained these days anyway. He threw back the last of his beer and as he ordered another one a song started up behind him. His head came up and he felt as though he were paralyzed. There was no way this was happening. He slowly turned to look onstage. _Dawn! It couldn't be, but it was. At least she looked like Dawn. It was hard to tell from here, but he would know that voice anywhere; he heard it every night in his dreams. He stood mesmerized for a moment before leaning over to the bartender._

            "Who is that?" His voice came out constricted. The bartender looked up and smiled as though he had grown used to people asking about the club's main attraction.

            "That's Summer. Before she came along we were barely doing business. Now look at it. They're all here for her."

            "Summer? That's her name?" Spike didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

            "Stage name.  Real name is Dawn." Spike moved up closer to the stage, being sure to stay in the shadows. He needed to see her, to be near her; it had been so long. She had cut her hair; it only came to her shoulders now and had been layered to frame her face. Her features showed a maturity that hadn't been there before. She still looked like Dawn, but the pretty girl he had known and loved had turned into a beautiful woman. Spike could tell she must work out, and not just a casual jog around the park either. Those muscles of hers could only have been developed through long arduous training. She was still softly curved in all the right places, but there was also a hardness about her. He found it to be a highly attractive combination. As he scanned the crowd he knew he wasn't the only guy in the room who thought so. No wonder business was booming. That amazing voice combined with her unique beauty was obviously quite a draw. Had she been here the whole time; living in the same city as him? What were the chances? She had been so close! Xander hadn't told him she sang in a nightclub; maybe he didn't know. He wondered if there was anything else Xander hadn't known or hadn't told him. Spike watched the rest of the set, making sure he stayed well out of sight.

A few minutes into her first set, Dawn felt an odd prickly sensation slide down her spine. _Someone is watching me, she thought uneasily, but she immediately felt silly. Of course someone was watching her; the whole audience was watching her! __No, this is different, her brain insisted. Whoever it was watched her with an intensity that was unsettling. She searched the crowd trying to figure out who it was, but she didn't see them. It was possible she was imagining things, but she doubted it. After the first set she went to get a drink at the bar._

            "You got yourself another admirer, sweetie," the bartender said cheerfully. Dawn put down her drink.

            "What do you mean?" Henry smiled at her as he explained,

            "Guy at the bar earlier. You started singing and it was like he went into shock. Asked me who you were then took his drink and headed closer to the stage to watch. Not bad looking either; maybe you should go make his day." He chuckled teasingly. Dawn felt the look again, and turned around. _There! In the shadows near the stage she could see someone moving around._

            "I'll be right back," she said quietly as she left her drink and headed over to where she'd seen him. A woman stopped in front of her for a moment and blocked her view; Dawn pushed past her impatiently, but when she reached the edge of the stage he was gone. She turned around quickly, searching the club, but she didn't even know who she was looking for. She felt him watching her through the whole second set, but she couldn't figure out where he was. Some strange man was watching her with a frightening intensity; she was puzzled and curious, but she was, strangely, unafraid.

When he had seen Dawn heading straight for him he had panicked until he realized that she didn't know it was him.  He had barely managed to escape without her seeing him. Maybe he should leave; she didn't know who he was, but she had somehow been able to pick up on exactly where he was. Against his better judgment he stayed for the second set.

Dawn was filled with nervous tension as she changed to leave. She kept wondering if he was still out there. Why had he been watching her so intensely? What would she do if he approached her? Why was she even worried? She knew how to protect herself; if he tried anything she'd just have to take him down. She felt better once she was walking home. Outside, on the street, in the darkness of the night she immediately felt safer, more at ease. It was strange really; she should be feeling even more nervous. It was several minutes before she felt him again; he was there behind her, following her. She spun around to confront him, but there was no one there. He had to be hiding somewhere; she could still feel that intense stare. If he had confronted her she could have handled that, but there was no way she was going to let him follow her home where he could attack while she slept. She decided to go to Chaz's rather than straight to her place. She had to knock several times before he opened the door. He yawned and smiled a sleepy grin.

            "Whatcha doin' here? Did I forget we were getting together?"

            "No, I think someone's following me and I didn't want to lead them to my place."

            "Oh, darlin', come on in," he said as he draped an arm around her and ushered her inside.

Spike sat on the couch in his darkened apartment staring blankly at the wall. So that was it then; it was over. When he'd seen that she was walking home he wanted to make sure she was safe so he followed her. She had known he was behind her and he'd felt bad for startling her. He'd decided to show himself and apologize when she had stopped at a house. He'd figured it was her place until she knocked on the door and a tall, well-built man answered the door. He hadn't been wearing a shirt and it was obvious he had just thrown on his pants to open the door. Spike hadn't been close enough to hear what they said, but when the guy put his arm around Dawn and pulled her inside he figured he got the message. This must be something else Xander hadn't known about. Dawn wasn't hoping that Spike would return to her; she'd moved on. He had waited too long.

TBC

_Tara and Willow weren't around much this chapter, but they'll be back. Hope you liked this chapter; I'll update again soon._


	8. Bittersweet

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Rating: mostly PG-13

Disclaimers: Do I have to say it every time?

Reviews: Please!

Bittersweet

Spike didn't know how he made it through the next forty-eight hours without staking himself. He had no right to feel betrayed. What had he expected? He'd left her, without any promise of ever returning, and he thought she'd just wait around in case he decided to come back? She deserved to be happy; it was his fault that she had chosen to be happy with someone else. He'd had plenty of opportunities to find out where she was and get in touch with her and he'd never done it. He had only himself to blame. He spent a couple days wallowing in heartbreak and self-pity before deciding that if they couldn't be together he could at least make sure she was safe. He grabbed his jacket and headed for the club.

Dawn felt silly at having been afraid the other night. She knew she could defend herself, but more importantly she had known in the club that she had nothing to fear. He had stared at her all night, but whoever he was she had known, somehow, that he meant her no harm. She didn't know why she had gotten so nervous. She got up on stage at eight and as she began her first song she knew that he was there again. Watching her. She wished he would show himself; it was strange to have some nameless, faceless person lurking around. She felt him again when she was walking home, but this time she didn't get nervous; she let him follow her and pretended that she didn't notice. Every night for the next week she felt his invisible presence; both at the club and on the way home. _It's almost comforting, she thought as she lay in bed one night. As she began to drift off to sleep pieces of a conversation she'd had with Spike years ago floated through her mind._

            _"Predator like me knows how to keep to the shadows."_

_            "I still like to make sure she gets home safely."_

Dawn sat straight up in bed. _Oh, my god! It was him. No wonder she had been able to feel him watching her all those times; she'd always been in tune with Spike. And, really, __lurking was something he'd always done well. Did this mean he was going to come back to her soon? Maybe he was working up to it. She'd give him all the time in the world if it meant that they would eventually be together._

The next night Spike followed Dawn as she wandered all over the city. She did that a lot, Spike thought angrily. She was lucky she hadn't become a meal. Just then, as she passed an alley, a man stepped out behind her and grabbed her roughly by the shoulder. Spike was about to charge to the rescue when Dawn kicked into action. In a blur of movement her elbow came up in a crushing blow to her attacker's face. As he reached up to cradle his broken, bloodied nose Dawn spun around and delivered a roundhouse kick to the head. The guy crumpled to the ground; he didn't get up. Spike was frozen in shock; apparently it wasn't only luck that had kept her out of trouble all this time. She was incredible, her speed and strength phenomenal. She stood there for a moment, and he wondered what the hell she was doing.

            "You can come out, Spike. I know you're there." He considered pretending he wasn't, but only for a split second. Then he stepped out of the shadows to face her.

            "How did you know?"

            "I could feel you." She looked at him; he looked just as wonderful as she remembered. It was as if time had stood still, and of course, in a way it had, she realized. He would always look the same; he was timeless. She wished he would say something.

_She's probably worried that I'm here to try and reconcile, Spike thought.__ Probably trying to figure out how to let me down easy. He decided to help her out._

            "I'm not here to try and win you back or anything," he said.

            "Oh." And with that one word, Dawn's heart shattered into a thousand pieces. He didn't want her anymore!

            "Just wanted to make sure you were safe."

            "Oh." Dawn just stared at him, wishing she hadn't told him to come out earlier. At least that way, she would still have the hope of a future with him. Instead he was making it perfectly clear that he didn't want that anymore. She had to get away from here before she lost it. "Well, as you can see, I'm fine. I'm not some helpless little girl who needs taking care of; I don't need your "protection" anymore. So if that's all you're here for you can go back to wherever you came from." Then she turned on her heel and walked off, hoping she could make it out of sight before the tears started. Spike leaned sadly against the wall long after she'd gone. He shouldn't have been following her; she didn't need him. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, and she had the big guy for any other _needs she might have. He pushed angrily away from the wall. As he turned to go he kicked the guy that had grabbed Dawn, then he winced. The chip might not jolt him anymore, but his conscience still did; wasn't very sporting to kick a man when he was down. He needed go find a demon of some sort to take his anger out on._

            "Then he told me he didn't want to be with me, that he just wanted to make sure I was safe," Dawn cried on the phone to Anya.

            "What? But that doesn't make any sense! He's crazy in love with you; why wouldn't he want to be with you?" Anya asked perplexed.

            "Well, apparently you and Xander have been horribly mistaken."

            "Why would he be following you around if he wasn't still in love with you?" 

            "I don't know, but he made it clear in no uncertain terms that he wanted nothing to do with me. How did he know where I was? I thought he wouldn't let Xander tell him."

            "No, I know Xander didn't tell him; we were just talking about it the other day. Do you want Xander to talk to him?"

            "No! It's humiliating enough without Spike knowing that I'm all broken-hearted."

            "But, Dawn, it has to be some kind of misunderstanding! Maybe if you talked to him-"

            "Anya, please! I didn't misunderstand. He doesn't want to be with me; it was very clear. Promise me you won't talk to Xander about this," Dawn pleaded.

            "I think you're making a big mistake, but I promise. I won't tell Xander."

            "Thank you."

A few nights later Spike was at the club, but this time he wasn't hiding. When Dawn was through on stage she got a drink from the bar then she went over to see what he wanted. He was so familiar to her, and yet he seemed like a stranger.

            "Hello, Spike. Can I help you with something?"

            "Can we talk?" he asked beseechingly.

            "Of course," she said and they settled in at a table.

            "I wanted to apologize."

            "For what?" If this was about what she had told Anya, Dawn was gonna kill her.

            "I shouldn't have been following you. I should have just come right out and told you I was here."

            "Spike, it's okay. You were just concerned. I guess old habits die hard." She smiled at him and he smiled back.

            "Yeah, I guess so. But you don't need my help anymore; the way you took that guy down, that was just incredible!"

            "I've been working out," she said with pride.

            "That became apparent very quickly the other night. I was suitably impressed. But you didn't learn how to do that just from working out; what else have you been doing?"

            "Kick boxing."

            "Ahh, you're very good."

            "Thanks. Spike, how did you find me; I know Xander didn't tell you so how did you know where I was?"

            "I _didn't know. I live here, in the city. I've lived here for the past five years. I came to this club for the first time a few nights ago, and there you were onstage. It was quite a shock; I'm sorry if I scared you that first night."_

            "It's okay." So it had been an accident; ha hadn't even been looking for her! Dawn gazed at Spike, wishing things were different.

            "I'd like us to be friends," he said suddenly. She was looking at him very strangely. He'd have said longingly, but he knew that wasn't possible.

            "We'll always be friends." Dawn reached over to hold his hand. "Don't you know yet that I could never stop caring about you?"

            "It's been so long, sometimes feelings change." Dawn looked as if he'd slapped her.

            "What is that supposed to mean?"

            "Just that it's okay if you don't feel the same way about me as you used too." Dawn didn't say anything so Spike figured she didn't want to talk about it. "Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I'll be around if you want to, I don't know, get together or talk or anything."

            "That would be fun. I've got tomorrow off; why don't you come over and we'll do something. I know you know where I live," she joked. Spike looked slightly embarrassed.

            "Again. Could not be more sorry about the stalking." Dawn laughed.

            "It's alright. I was only nervous the first night, after that it was almost comforting. Then I figured out it was you."

            "I guess I need to work on being stealthier."

            "Oh, no, you were very stealthy. I never saw you once. I guess I just know when you're around. I always have."

            "How?" Spike looked curious.

            "I don't know really; the energy in the room changes somehow, I think. It's like everything is supercharged." Spike watched her as she spoke; she was describing exactly how he felt every time she was around. Amazing. He wished he could just take her into his arms and tell her how much he loved her. _Snap out of it, he thought, angrily. __She's with someone else. She's not yours to hold anymore. "Spike? Are you okay? You looked upset all of a sudden."_

            "No, I'm fine. I just- it's almost time for your next set. You'd better get ready." She looked at her watch.

            "I guess you're right. I better wrap this up. Will I see you tomorrow?"

            "I'd like that."

            "Okay. Come on over once the sun sets."

            "So he's coming over there tonight?" Anya said as they talked the next day.

            "Yeah, he says he wants to be friends. I guess we'll watch a movie or something," Dawn said as she looked in the fridge for something to eat.

            "You think you'll have sex?"

            "ANYA! Of course not!" Dawn shut the refrigerator with a bang.

            "What? You haven't seen him in five years. Five years in which you never stopped loving him; you're telling me it never crossed your mind?" Anya asked in disbelief. Dawn sank down onto the sofa.

            "You're forgetting the fact that he doesn't want to be with me, An."

            "Yeah, well. I still say you're wrong about that. If he's not in love with you I'll, I'll kiss a bunny!" Dawn started laughing.

            "That's very brave of you to make such a sacrifice in the name of love."

            "Hey, don't mock. That was hard for me to even say. Now listen, are you honestly trying to tell me you haven't thought about it? Not once?"

            "I'm hanging up now, Anya."

            "No, wait, hold on," Anya pleaded.

            "What?

            "Be careful. I don't want you to get hurt again."

            "Me neither."

Dawn stood in front of the mirror and tried to figure out if she was dressed too sexy. She was wearing her black wash low-rise boot-cut jeans by Seven and a red, scoop neck tank from Theory. _It certainly is…snug, she thought as she turned around to check it out from the back. She had never noticed before how formfitting all her clothes were. __Maybe I should change. She headed toward the closet, but then the bell rang and she realized it was too late. She'd just have to wear what she had on._

Spike glanced around as he waited for Dawn to open the door. She lived in a pretty nice place; she must be making good money with her singing. The door swung open and he turned to face her and almost dropped the bottle of wine he'd brought. She looked unbelievable. She smiled at him and he thought he might have forgotten how to speak.

            "Oh, good, you brought some wine! I hope you haven't eaten yet cause I ordered in some Chinese. The place down the street has incredible dim sum." She turned and headed for the kitchen, and Spike found himself staring at her denim encased behind. Without thinking he tried to follow her and rammed into an invisible barrier.

            "Um, Dawn?" he said, amused at his mistake. She turned around and looked at him funny so he put his hand up and touched the barrier again.

            "Oh, my god! I'm such an idiot; come in. I can't believe I did that." She shook her head in amazement as he walked in.

            "Guess you haven't had any vampires over lately," he joked.

            "You're the only vampire I've ever wanted." She looked up quickly. "Here. In my home, I mean." _God, I'm such a moron! "So, I have a couple movies we can watch, or we can go for a drive later if you want."_

            "I have to take you up on that drive; it's been a long time since we've done that. We could watch a movie before or after though, if you'd like."

            "Sounds good," Dawn said. Then she walked over to him. "Look, I know this feels awkward right now, but if we just try to relax I'm sure it'll work itself out. I really want for us to be okay; I've missed you so much," she said as she hugged him. Spike slowly wrapped his arms around her. Holding her made his chest hurt. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of her then whispered,

            "I missed you, too."

Dinner was wonderful. They ate in the living room and after their initial awkwardness they began to slip back into their easy friendship. Spike teased her about how the delivery guy hit on her, but Dawn just brushed it aside, scoffing,

            "He was just trying to flatter his way into a bigger tip." Spike snorted,

            "Yeah. I'm sure it had nothing whatsoever to do with the fit of your pants." Dawn looked down at herself in confusion.

            "What's wrong with the fit of my pants?"

            "Nothing, Dawn. I'm saying he _liked the fit of your pants." Spike rolled his eyes in exasperation, eliciting a chuckle from Dawn. They talked and laughed as they ate and when they were done they went for a drive. Dawn tossed him the keys, and he looked over at her with a smile. Riding around together, joking and listening to music, it was almost as though they had never been apart. "You still like Joan Jett?" Spike asked. Dawn reached down to open the glove compartment, and pulled out the old, familiar CD._

            "You know I can't live without this."

            "Is that the same CD you used to listen to?"

            "The very one. It's practically worn out."

            "You should buy a new one," Spike said.

            "I don't know; I find it comforting to have familiar things around." Spike looked up to find her watching him as she continued, "Things I've grown fond of."

            "I know exactly what you mean."

After the drive, they snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie. It was one of their favorites, and they'd seen it a hundred times. Dawn fell asleep before the movie was over so Spike carried her into her room. As he laid her down on the bed she stirred slightly. He had started to straighten up when she opened her eyes. She smiled at him sleepily and whispered,

            "Please don't go." He was pretty sure she was still half asleep and unaware of what she was saying. He started to leave, but she held tight to his hand even in her sleep. He looked down at her, his face filled with anguish. She was probably dreaming of that guy he'd seen her with. He knew he should go, but he couldn't resist holding her, just for a little while.

Dawn slept better than she had in a long time. She'd dreamt that Spike was there, in her bed, holding her. His embrace had been so comforting and she'd felt so loved. But when she woke in the morning she was alone. She figured he must have put her to bed when she fell asleep during the movie and then gone home. She wondered when she would see him again, and realized that she didn't know where he lived or how to contact him.

            "So? What happened?" Anya asked as they talked later.

            "We had a good time. We had dinner, went for a drive, then we watched a movie."

            "And?" she demanded.

            "And what?"

            "Was there touching."

            "Anya. Would you quit it! It was just two friends having a good time."

            "A good time or a "good" time?"

            "Anya! I'm serious. Nothing happened; I fell asleep during the movie, and he left."

            "Oh. Well, that's disappointing."

            "No, it was actually really great. We're friends again, and I'm just glad to have him back in my life."

            "I'm glad that you're happy. I'm happy for you."

            "Thanks, sweetie. I'd better let you go."

            "Okay. Dawn?"

            "Yeah?"

            "Not even a little touching?"

            "Good-bye, Anya!"

Dawn and Spike got together often, falling into their old familiar routine. Dawn was so happy to have her best friend back, but there was sadness beneath her joy because she knew he wasn't in love with her anymore. She longed for him to hold her close, to touch her, and make love to her, but she knew he never would. She dreamt about him every night, and it was getting harder and harder to spend time with him and not confess how she felt.

Spike noticed that Dawn was often distracted when they were together and assumed she was thinking of her boyfriend. He always wondered if she was wishing she was with _him instead of Spike. His jaw clenched at the thought of the two of them together; she probably went to see the bastard after she got through hanging out with good old __familiar Spike, her __friend. He lay down on his bed and threw his arm over his eyes; he had that pain in his chest again. He was getting it more and more often. __No big deal, he thought, bitterly.__ Probably just my heart breaking. He didn't know how much longer he could take it. He probably could've handled her not loving him, but thinking about her with someone else was just about more than he could take. During the day he couldn't sleep because his brain tortured him with images of Dawn making love to some other guy, and it made him physically ill to think of it. He didn't think he could stay here as her friend and pretend he was happy about her relationship with someone else when he wanted her for himself. It was too painful; he just didn't have it in him._

TBC

_Apparently I lied about __Tara__ and __Willow__ being back! I couldn't find a way to work them in to this chapter, but I have not forgotten them or Giles. Hope you liked this chapter._


	9. Sweet Misery

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Rating: mostly PG-13

Disclaimer: It's mine; it's all mine! Everything belongs to me! Oh, wait, that's right, it doesn't.

Reviews: Love them! I have been amazed by the response; you guys are great!

Sweet Misery

            "So how are Dawn and Spike doing?" Xander asked as he flipped through the channels, looking for something to watch. Anya lowered her magazine to look at him.

            "You know about that?"

            "Yeah. Spike told me they've been hanging out."

            "Well, that's true." Anya said cautiously.

            "You could have told me, you know. So I guess their working it out, getting back on track?" Anya started reading her magazine again.

            "I suppose you could say that." Xander glanced over at her, puzzled.

            "What?" Anya put the magazine down again.

            "What did he tell you?"

            "He told me that it turned out they'd been living in the same city; he bumped into her at some club and they've been spending a lot of time together. Why, did he make that up or something?" Anya shook her head smiling bitterly.

            "No that's all very true."

            "Is there something else? What's going on?"

            "Absolutely nothing." Her voice was sharp, irritated.

            'Anya! Would you stop with the cryptic and just tell me what the problem is," Xander said, worried by how upset Anya seemed. She slapped her magazine down on the coffee table and put her head in her hands.

            "I can't tell you! I promised Dawn I wouldn't."

            "You promised you wouldn't tell me? So there _is something to tell? Now you have to tell me! You can't say something like that, and just expect me to forget about it." Anya rubbed her temples and appeared to be having a silent debate with herself. "An!"_

            "Alright! Look, I'm not happy about breaking a promise to Dawn, and normally I wouldn't, even if you begged me, but I just think she's making a huge mistake!"

            "What is going on? What _mistake?"_

            "Dawn thinks that Spike doesn't want to be anything more than friends, that he doesn't love her anymore." Xander looked blank.

            "Why would she think that?"

            "She says that's what _he said."_

            "What?!" She filled him in on everything Dawn had told her.

            "It's got to be a misunderstanding, right? I mean, we know he still loves her. Right?"

            "Of course he does. Why would he tell her he didn't?"

            "Do you think he's still trying to protect her or something?"

            "I don't know, but I'm sick of him hurting her. Next time he calls I'm putting a stop to it." Anya smiled and hugged Xander. Maybe now those two had a chance.

It was Dawn's night off again so she and Spike made plans to go out to dinner. She searched through all her dresses to find something special to wear for Spike; she wanted to wear something that made her look really fantastic. She decided on her black Carmen Marc Valvo cocktail dress. She smiled at her reflection, turning from side to side. _This ought to do the trick, she thought. It fit like a dream, caressing her curves lovingly, and showing off her legs to perfection. Maybe when he saw her in this dress he'd actually realize she __had curves. Maybe if he were attracted to her he would start to fall a little bit in love with her again. __Yeah, she thought sarcastically. __Cause it's JUST__ that easy! God, who was she kidding? A stupid dress wasn't going to win him back. She sank down on the edge of the bed; she needed to stop living in denial. He wasn't in love with her, and she couldn't force him to be. She wiped the tears from her eyes, and stood back up. She would just have to accept the fact that he would only ever be her friend. That would have to be enough. She went to the mirror and brushed her hair as she fought back a sob._

Spike didn't know why he had agreed to this. It was hard enough to be with her when it was just a casual evening at home. Now they were going to be all dressed up; she'd probably wear one of those sexy little dresses of hers that drove him half crazy with wanting her. There would be wine and candlelight and probably dancing; there was _always dancing. He'd have to hold her pressed against his body half the night and pretend it didn't affect him. This was going to be torture. He raised his hand and knocked on the door then reached up to smooth his hair back nervously. She opened the door with a smile._

            "Come on in. I just need to put my shoes on." The comment caused him to look down at her bare feet, which in turn caused him to notice her bare legs as she turned to go get her shoes. His eyes traveled slowly up over the rest of her body, the curve of her hip, the span of her waist, the swell of her breast as she turned back towards him, and her beautiful, perfect face. She leaned over to slip her shoes on and her hair spilled forward, brushing the curve of her cheek. He was right; she'd worn one of those damn dresses. It was going to be a long night. She smiled. "Ready?" _No, he thought. He held his hand out to her._

            "Let's go," he said cheerfully.

The night wasn't all torture. They had fun together at the restaurant, talking and laughing just like they always did, although he noticed that Dawn seemed a little sad. He wondered what was bothering her. Most of the night she seemed to be enjoying herself, but every now and then, usually when she thought he wasn't looking, he noticed she was on the verge of tears. It hurt him to see her in pain, and he wished she felt close enough to him to confide in him the way she used to. When they were finished with their meal Spike asked her to dance hoping to chase away her sadness. She took his hand and something flared briefly in her eyes as she smiled at him, but it was gone before he could figure out what it was.  As he led her onto the dance floor the music turned slow and sexy. She twined her arms around his neck, her body melting into his. They swayed to the music as his hands slid slowly down her back coming to rest low on her hips. Her hand gently stroked the nape of his neck, her fingers playing with his hair, and he pressed her tighter against his body. She rested her head on his shoulder and Spike tensed as her lips brushed against the side of his neck. He knew she couldn't know how she was affecting him, but every move she made seemed provocative, designed to seduce. He leaned slightly away so he could see her; she tilted her head back to look at him and her gaze was heavy-lidded and sultry. There was no way she could know how much he wanted her in that moment. His head lowered toward hers; he felt helpless to resist the temptation to taste her just one time. As she lifted her lips to meet his, the song suddenly ended. Spike froze, gazing deeply into her eyes before pulling roughly from her embrace.

            "I can't do this anymore," he rasped harshly. "I'm taking you home. Let's get out of here." He strode off towards the door and Dawn stared after him in hurt and confusion for a moment before following. She had almost kissed him. _No wonder he's upset; I practically threw myself at him. He's probably embarrassed and uncomfortable. When she caught up with him she started to stutter an apology,_

            "Spike, I'm sorry. I-I didn't m-mean to-"

            "I know." _That's the problem, he thought. She hadn't meant for him to get all…aroused. He'd probably shocked and embarrassed her. __Bloody hell! She was involved with someone else, he was supposed to be her friend, and yet he'd been about two seconds away from an attempt at seduction. What was wrong with him? "Don't worry, Dawn, I have no intention of seducing you. I'm taking you home and then I'm leaving."_

            "Oh." Dawn felt like he had slapped her; she knew she'd done something foolish, but he didn't have to be a jerk. She started to get angry. "Whatever! Let's just get the hell out of here." The drive to her place was silent and uncomfortable. When they got there her anger had faded and she just felt sad. "It's okay if you want to come up." Spike turned and looked at her with a frightening intensity.

            "I don't think that would be a good idea." She looked down sadly.

            "Are we still friends?" she asked quietly. He reached out and lifted her chin so she was looking at him.

            "We'll always be friends, remember? I couldn't stop if I wanted to. I just think maybe we need a little space. I've been taking up a lot of your time; I'm sure there are other things you'd like to do, or people you'd like to see." His voice sounded odd and she looked at him sharply, but he turned away from her. "I just think we should take a break. Maybe wait a while before we get together again."

            "Awhile? What does that mean?" she demanded. If he was leaving again she would kill him.

            "I don't know, a couple weeks maybe. You can give me a call whenever you're ready." She nodded.

            "If that's what you want." They sat silently. Dawn thought she might break down if she didn't get out of there soon. She started to get out of the car saying, "I better go, then. I guess I'll call you later."

            "Okay, I'll see you." He looked at her for a long time then simply said, "Good-bye." Then he was gone. Dawn let herself into her apartment and sat down on the couch. She stared at the wall, unmoving, for close to ten minutes. She pulled her knees up to her chest and her face slowly crumpled. She dropped her head onto her knees with a sob then slid sideways until she was lying on the couch in a fetal position. She reached up and pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and pulled it over herself; her body shook as she wept uncontrollably. How had everything gone so wrong?

Dawn woke with a start, unsure what had awakened her until she realized the phone was ringing. She started to jump up to get it, but her muscles protested. _Oh, god! Legs. Not. Working. Need help. She rolled to the floor and crawled over to the phone._

            "Hello," she said, her voice full of pain.

            "Dawn? Are you okay?"

            "Chaz? What are you doing calling here?"

            "Well, good mornin' to you, too, darlin'!"

            "I'm sorry," she laughed. "I didn't mean to be insulting; it's just you've never called me at home before. It threw me."

            "That's alright; no offense taken. You sound like you had a rough night." The events of the prior evening flooded Dawn's mind and she felt a bone deep weariness set in.

            "Beyond belief," she muttered as she sat on the floor, her back pressed against the wall. "I topped it off by spending the night in a ball on the couch. My muscles have all rallied in protest." Chaz laughed.

            "Sounds bad. Know what's good for that?" Dawn had an idea where this was headed.

            "No, what?"

            "Good work out, lots of physical activity."

            "Are we coming back around to the reason for your call? Are you, perhaps, in need of a favor?" Dawn asked, smiling.

            "I got a couple of guys just starting out in their training, wondered if you felt like helping me out with a few things. Show 'em how it's done?"

            "What time would you need me?" Dawn asked.

            "Around four. I could give you a ride to work afterward so you wouldn't be late." Dawn thought about it. It would be invigorating to get in a good work out; it might also help her work out some of her frustration. "What do you say; are you in?"

            "Yeah, I'm in. I'll be over at four. Should be fun."

The training exercises were energizing as always, and Dawn felt like a new woman afterward. Her workouts always made her feel better, although she still felt sad about Spike. She wanted him in her life, but she also realized that she had survived without him when he'd left before and she could do it again if she had to. She just didn't want to have to. She showered and changed quickly getting ready for work. She headed back to the training room to find Chaz doing some bag work. He stopped and looked up when she came in.

            "You ready to go?"

            "Yup. Let's hit the road." Dawn and Chaz joked around on the way to work about which one of them was tougher. He jokingly threatened her as they pulled up out front, and she laughingly made a disparaging remark about his manhood as she got out of the car.

            "Don't get too cocky, little girl. You think I couldn't take you?" he asked as he charged around the car and grabbed her. She pretended to be afraid, and then smiled at his antics. He was always good for a laugh. Dawn's head snapped up suddenly as she got that prickly feeling she always got when Spike was near. She searched the street, but didn't see him anywhere; then the feeling was gone. _Strange, she thought. __Must have been my imagination._

Spike had lain around all day trying to sleep without success. He kept thinking about his conversation with Dawn the night before. He'd thought she would be mad at him for what happened when they were dancing, but instead she'd seemed almost apologetic. He didn't understand why. _It's not her fault that I can't keep my bloody libido in check! It wasn't fair to her to cut her out of his life because she didn't return the feelings he had for her. He was supposed to be her friend, and he got the impression that he had hurt her last night. He decided to meet her before her first set and apologize for being such a jerk. He smiled; maybe they could do something after she got off work. He was getting ready to cross the street near the club when he heard her familiar laugh and looked up. He was just in time to see her getting out of a car out front. Somebody came around from the driver's side and picked her up in a bear hug; she squealed in mock terror as the guy spun her around. It was __him, the guy she'd gone to see that first night he'd followed her. Spike guessed maybe she wasn't as hurt as he'd thought as he ducked back into the crowd and quickly disappeared._

            "So they're together, but they're not really together?" Tara asked in confusion.

            "Yeah, they're friends and all, but she says he told her he didn't love her, but Xander and I know that's a total lie," Anya explained. Xander, Anya, Tara, and Willow were all having dinner together, and the discussion had turned to Dawn and Spike.

            "So do we know why he's lying?" Willow asked.

            "No, see that's the big mystery. I mean, they can finally be together; so why is he trying to ruin it?" Xander demanded in frustration. "The worst part is he hasn't called in forever, and I _still don't know his damn number so I can't even confront him about it!" _

            "Has anyone considered that maybe he _doesn't love her?" Tara suggested quietly. They all looked around the table at each other._

            "No."

            "No way."

            "Impossible."

            "Crazy!" They all spoke at the same time, dismissing the idea.

            "So," Willow said. "What do we do?" There was only silence as they realized that none of them knew the answer.

TBC

_I'm enjoying figuring out ways to keep them apart, but I don't think the wait will be too much longer! The next chapter should be along fairly soon._


	10. Surrender

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Rating: PG-13, at the beginning; NC-17 later on

Disclaimer: You guessed it!

Surrender

Dawn spent a lot of her time walking, wandering the city at night hoping the peaceful calm of the darkness would be soothing, but it didn't work the way it used to. She went to the gym and pounded on the bag, but the oblivion she had always found wouldn't come. She hadn't seen Spike at all for a couple weeks; he didn't even come by the club to see her sing. He'd told her to call him, but she just stared at the phone without picking it up. She kept hoping he would call, but he never did. She went by his place a couple times but never got up the nerve to knock. It was lonely without him around, and she was getting tired of feeling sad and miserable all the time; nothing she did made the loneliness go away. She didn't know how to tell him that she needed him.

Spike was trying to decide whether he should stay or leave. He wanted more than anything to be part of Dawn's life, but he didn't know if he could be happy being just her friend anymore. He found it harder every day to be around her and it had already caused problems between them. Every time he thought about her with someone else he felt the need to lash out and he was afraid he'd wind up hurting her or making her hate him. He knew that's what would eventually happen if they stayed on this path, and he knew he had to make a change. Things couldn't go on the way they were.

Xander answered the phone a couple days later and almost cheered when he heard Spike's voice on the line.

            "Jeez, man I thought you were never gonna call! I need to talk to you about something."

            "Yeah, same here," Spike said.

            "Oh, yeah? Is it about you and Dawn, because-?"

"I'm thinking about leaving; I don't think I should see her anymore." Spike interrupted.

"WHAT?" Xander demanded loudly.

"It's complicated. I don't know if-"

            "It is NOT complicated! You know, I _really don't get you." Xander sounded pissed off, and Spike didn't know what to say._

"What's got you so worked up, Harris?"

"I guess you're not content with torturing her, now you want to destroy her? You're such a jackass! You know, I was this close to considering you a friend, but the way you've been treating Dawn I think I'll stick to my first instincts on you."

            "What the hell are you talking about?"

            "I'm talking about the fact that Dawn is in love with you, and all you ever do is hurt her."

            "That's exactly what I'm trying not to do! And Dawn isn't in love with me. She has a boyfriend."

            "What the hell are you talking about? Dawn doesn't have a boyfriend! As a matter of fact, Anya says Dawn called in tears when you first came back because you said you didn't want to get back together."

            "She did?"

            "Yes, Anya was very upset about the whole thing. I can't say that I blame her. Why did you even bother coming back if you were just gonna stomp all over Dawn's heart?"

            "I was trying to reassure her."

            "Way to go, Romeo."

            "Look, Harris, you may not know about it, but she _does have a boyfriend. I saw her go in to spend the night with some guy. I just wanted her to know I wasn't going to muck things up for her."_

            "And I'm telling you, you must have misunderstood because Anya would know if Dawn had a boyfriend! The only guys she even really knows are the bartender where she works, and the guy that runs the gym, and both of them are old enough to be her father. And then there's Chaz, the guy that trained her."

            "Trained her?"

            "With the fighting. The kickboxing or whatever."

            "Oh, yeah, she's pretty good. But, no, this guy was young, and it was obvious they knew each other well."

            "When exactly was this?"

            "That first night I followed her."

            "The first night…You idiot!"

            "What?"

            "Dawn told Anya all about that. How she felt someone watching her, and then they followed her from the club. Said she was nervous about leading them to her place so she didn't go home. That was Chaz, you jackass! She went there because you were slinking around in the shadows, following her like a shmuck! There's nothing going on between them." Spike was silent with shock. Then he asked quietly,

            "So you're telling me she'd been waiting for me to come back, and then the first time I saw her in five soddin' years I basically told her I didn't want her?"

            "Yeah, pretty much. At least that's the way she saw it."

            "I _am a jackass."_

            "That's what I've been saying since I met you."

Spike sat at the kitchen table unable to believe what he'd just found out. He thought back to all his conversations with Dawn, and everything they had said took on a whole new meaning. He remembered some of the things he'd told her and closed his eyes, leaning his head into his hands. All this time she'd thought he didn't love her anymore, and he had continued to hurt her over and over again with his thoughtlessness. That last night, her sadness; it was because of him. He thought he'd been doing the right thing, doing what she wanted, and all he'd done was torment them both. Seemed like everything he did only wound up causing her misery. It was time to put a stop to it.

Dawn rushed home from work through the rain. If she'd known the weather was going to be like this she might have driven, but, as it was, her mad dash through the rain was kind of refreshing; she felt like a little kid. As soon as she entered her darkened apartment she knew he was there. She peeled off her jacket and let it drop to the floor as she kicked off her wet shoes. She didn't turn on any lights as she padded barefoot into the living room. He was sitting silently on the couch; he didn't look up when she came in. She walked slowly around until she stood in front of him. He had tears on his face as though he'd been crying before she got there. She dropped to her knees in front of him and put her hands gently on his knees as she whispered,

            "Spike? What's going on? What's wrong?" He didn't look at her at first, but when he did she could read the anguish in his face and then she heard it in his voice when he said miserably,

            "All I've ever done is hurt you."

            "That's not true and you know it," she disagreed quickly. He was scaring her.

            "It is true. These past few months I've hurt you every time we were together. I saw you with your trainer. I thought you were lovers; thought you had moved on. I didn't tell you."  Dawn was having a hard time taking in what he was saying. _He thought I was with Chaz?_

            "I don't understand."

            "I thought I had lost you so I didn't tell you." He wasn't making sense. Dawn shook him slightly.

            "Didn't tell me what? Spike, what's going on?"

            "Xander told me. I was wrong, all this pain, and I was wrong. You thought I didn't love you anymore. I said so many hurtful things. I should have told you." Dawn sat perfectly still for a moment. Was he saying what she thought he was saying?

            "Told me what?" she pleaded desperately.

            "I still love you. I could never stop loving you. You're inside me; you're a part of me." Tears streamed down Dawn's face as she pressed herself into his arms, clinging to him tightly, afraid to let go. As Spike's arms came up around her she told him, her voice breaking,

            "I love you too, so much. I wanted to tell you so many times!" She smiled happily. "I thought it was over; I thought I had lost you." Spike closed his eyes and held her tightly, trying to hold back tears.

            "I've caused you so much pain; I don't want to hurt you anymore." Dawn's eyes snapped open. He sounded like he was saying good-bye. She started to push away from him, but he wouldn't let her.

            "Spike, you still sound strange. What's wrong? You're scaring me."

            "I have to leave. I don't want to hurt you and that's all I ever do. I don't know how else to make it stop." Dawn shoved against his chest and broke away from him. She stared at him for a long time before she was able to believe he was serious. Her eyes flashed with anger and hurt.

            "That's your solution? You're just going to run away again?" she demanded bitterly. "Why do you always run away from me?" Spike shook his head in denial.

            "I'm not running away. I'm trying to make things better for you."

            "You're not trying to make anything better! You're running away; all you ever _do is run away! You did it when I was eighteen, and then again when you thought I was with someone else." Dawn stood up angrily. Spike stood to face her, his eyes sad._

            "I thought you had moved on. What was I supposed to do?"

            "You didn't tell me you were back; you just hid in the shadows and spied on me. You didn't even love me enough to fight for me!"

            "You think I don't love you enough?" he demanded, angry now. "You think that I didn't want to fight for you? I felt like ripping that guy's throat out. The thought of him with his hands on you, touching you." He pulled her to him roughly, a low growl emanating from his throat.

            "But that's just it! I wasn't even with him, and if you had said word one to me about it I would've set the whole thing straight!" Dawn declared heatedly.

            "I thought you were happy, and I wanted that for you. I didn't want to come crashing back into your life making demands and turning everything upside down."

            "I don't think that's true. I think you wanted to run away because it was easier."

            "Easier!" Spike said incredulously.

            "Yes, easier. You're not worried about hurting me; you're afraid that I might hurt _you. And that's why you're running now. You found out that I was free, and that I still love you, and now you're running scared."_

            "That's ridiculous!"

            "You think so? Because I think everything is just finally beginning to make some sense. You think I'll leave you; I think you've always been afraid of that. So you're leaving first."

            "Dawn-" Spike started.

            "Every woman you've loved has left you in some way. You told Cecily you loved her and she rejected you and everything you were. With Drusilla it was her need for other men that hurt you. Buffy left you in the worst possible way by dying. I think you honestly believe you're trying to protect me, but you're really trying to protect yourself." Her anger deflated; she went to him and took him in her arms again. "You have to trust in my love for you, Spike. I'm not going to leave you or be unfaithful, and I'm not letting you leave without fighting for us." His arms slowly went around her as she continued, "I _am going to die someday; there's nothing I can do about that. I live everyday with that same fear, that something could happen and I would lose you, but I would rather live with that fear than live without you." Dawn felt tears coursing down her face as Spike held her tightly. "Please. Won't you fight for us? I need you to fight for us. I need you." Spike didn't say anything for a long time and she thought she had lost him for good, but then he pulled back and tilted her face to his. It was a sweet kiss, tender and gentle; and it was what she had waited so long for. She pressed herself against him, running her hands over his back, then wrapping them tightly around his neck as the kiss changed. Spike deepened the contact, increased the pressure slightly letting his need for her take over. His hands slid from her shoulders slowly down her back to cup her bottom and pull her tightly against him.  Dawn moaned softly and brought her hands around to caress his chest. Spike trailed kisses across her cheek to her ear as he brought one hand up to rest over her heart._

            "I _do want to fight for us, luv." He kissed her softly on the side of her neck. "I want to make love to you," he whispered. Dawn shivered as his breath caressed her. He kissed her temple, then her chin before returning to her mouth. It was like being consumed by flames and Dawn trembled with desire. She returned his kiss eagerly and Spike was floored by the depth of her passion. She pulled back, breathing heavily as she leaned her forehead against his._

            "I want you so much," she spoke softly her voice shaking. "I ache for you." She kissed him again, tugging on his lip gently with her teeth, and then pulled back again to whisper, "I've never done this before." He leaned back.

            "Are you sure this is what you want?" She nodded. He looked at her, tears shining in his eyes. He brought his hands up to cup her face. "I love you. I love you so much it hurts." He kissed her lips softly, his hands sliding to her waist. "We'll take it slow; I'll be gentle." Dawn leaned her body into his and put her arms around him. 

"I know you'll be gentle. I trust you." She pressed a series of open-mouthed kisses along his neck as she slid her hands up his chest then whispered in his ear, "Don't take it too slow." A tremor ran through his body at her quiet words. He pulled her tight against him and recaptured her mouth with his. He lifted her into his arms and without breaking the kiss; he carried her to the bedroom. He set her gently on the bed and started to take off his shirt. Dawn rose up on her knees and pulled him closer. Brushing his hands aside she said,

"Let me." Spike lifted her hand and gently kissed her palm before letting go. She reached down and grasped the hem, allowing her hands to slide against his sides as she slowly lifted his shirt. He raised his arms so she was able to remove it. He slid one knee onto the bed and she backed up slightly to give him room. He crawled onto the bed towards her and then they were both kneeling, facing each other. He reached out and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand.

"Your turn," he said, smiling seductively as he reached for her shirt. As he undid each button he planted a kiss on the flesh he had exposed until her shirt was completely open. Then he slowly kissed his way back up her body till he reached her neck. As he started to slide her shirt down her arms he placed several soft, wet kisses along her jaw line. Dawn's head tipped back in pleasure and he moved to kiss her shoulder. When her arms were finally released from the confines of her shirt she brought her hands up to his chest moving them over his bare flesh desperate to touch all of him. She clutched at his shoulders as his lips caressed the soft skin of her breast that was exposed above her bra. She pulled his head up so she could kiss him, a long aching kiss that spoke of her need for him. As they kissed he slid a hand between them and undid the front clasp of her bra. She pulled away from him for a moment and held his gaze as she slid her bra down and off. He pulled in a shaky breath of unneeded air as he looked at her. She was exquisite. He reached out and trailed his fingertips down across one breast and she shivered. He pulled her back against him so he could feel her nakedness pressed against his own. Their kisses became deeper and more languid as their mouths met and mated for what seemed like an eternity.

Without breaking apart they moved as one until she lay on her back with Spike leaning over her. Spike reached down to undo her jeans then slowly slid them down and off her legs. He moved back up her body kissing her stomach as he passed until he was beside her again. He kissed her, pulling away teasingly each time until she put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him to her for a more lingering kiss. He slid his hand down to slowly caress her breast and his mouth followed after it leaving a trail of kisses in its wake. He kissed her softly and then gently took her into his mouth. Dawn moaned and her hand twisted to grab a handful of the comforter as her back arched slightly pushing her tighter against him. While Spike's mouth lovingly caressed her, his hand slid along the curve of her hip, down the back of her thigh to pull her leg up over his hip. She wrapped her leg tightly around him, enjoying the feel of rough denim against her bare skin, and pressed herself tighter against his hardness. He leaned up to kiss her mouth tenderly before moving his attention to her other breast. Dawn enjoyed the sensation of his mouth and tongue on her body, but after a few minutes she pulled him back up to look at her. She was breathing heavily and her voice was husky.

"I can't get enough of you," she said as she kissed him desperately over and over each kiss longer than the one before. Spike brushed her hair back from her face and looked at her, his face full of tender emotion as he whispered,

"I could _never get enough of you." Then he smiled a sweet sexy smile and began slowly kissing and nibbling his way down her body. She let out soft moans as he found increasingly imaginative ways to drive her need for him higher. When he reached the edge of her panties he smiled up at her, hooked a finger in each side to slide them down her legs, and tossed them to the side. He kissed each ankle; each knee then worked his way up each thigh, and kissed her hip. Dawn was tense in anticipation as he moved back between her thighs. He spread her legs a little wider and caressed her with his fingers first. She was slick and wet, and her scent was all around him; he hadn't thought it possible but he grew even harder in response to her arousal. He leaned down and touched her carefully with just the tip of his tongue and a tremor ran through her body as she moaned softly. He moved his tongue slowly against her and her thighs flexed as she drew her knees up slightly rewarding him with another moan, longer and lower this time. He smiled against her._

She was awash in sensation, every nerve stretched taut; she was burning up and every flick of his tongue sent her on a slow slide towards ecstasy. His mouth was magic, weaving a spell that held her in its thrall. Her breath caught inside her chest every time he shifted as she awaited his next caress, then flowed back out on a sigh of pleasure as his tongue moved against her once again. With each touch she felt herself winding tighter, spiraling towards something that seemed just out of reach. Her head twisted back and forth on the pillow as her muscles tightened and she moved wildly beneath his mouth arching closer and closer as she searched for release. His mouth caressed her once, twice, and then she was falling, flying faster and faster as a haze of darkness swam across her vision. Her moans became more intense, blending together, seemingly unending.

As she slowly came back to reality she felt him move up and over her again. She opened her eyes to find him watching her; she smiled a slow sultry smile and he lowered his head to kiss her. It was a deep hungry kiss that caused her recently satisfied desire to rekindle. He moved against her and she moaned into his mouth. She ran her hands down over his back admiring the hard strength of the tight muscles. She lightly scraped her nails along his sides and around to his lean stomach. She felt his already tense abdomen tighten further at her touch. Her fingers moved to release the snap of his jeans, and she looked into his eyes as she slowly drew the zipper down, the back of her fingers sliding along the bulge straining the fabric beneath her hand. He trembled slightly and groaned in pleasure. She placed gentle biting kisses along the tendon in his neck.

"Please," she pleaded. "I need you. I want to feel you inside me." Spike's passionate kiss threatened to devour her whole. He rolled onto his back and shoved his jeans down and off. When he rolled back towards her she looked at him with a sexy grin.

"What?" he queried. She ran her hand down his chest to his stomach.

"You really _don't wear underwear!" He smiled at the memory, and kissed her tenderly. Then her hand moved lower and caressed him long and slow. He pulled her leg up over his hip again as he deepened the kiss. His hand moved between them to gently stroke her. She moaned against his throat and arched into him as she felt the pressure begin to build again. She brought her knees up against his side and as he continued his arousing touch she wrapped her legs around his waist. Their lips met, sliding wetly back and forth as their bodies moved against each other in need. Dawn's neck arched, her eyes closed for a moment. "Please, Spike, I need you now," she whimpered. He positioned himself and waited for her eyes to open. Their gazes met and held as he slowly entered her. He watched for any signs of discomfort, but she just released a long shaky breath filled with satisfaction. Her back arched and her hips lifted to meet his. As they moved in a slow steady rhythm they maintained eye contact, each of them lost in the other. Dawn's moans grew louder as their tempo increased, and Spike caught her lips in a slow, melting kiss, taking the sounds into his mouth. Dawn felt herself spiraling upward again and clung tightly to Spike as he moved inside her. He moved faster, harder, deeper; her muscles tensed and she felt her mind expanding, stretching and then exploding in a white hot release. Spike tensed above her, and as he found his own release their mouths met again with a soul-searing intensity and didn't part until they were completely spent. All was silent for a moment and then he rolled to the side, bringing her with him and holding her in a tight embrace. They lay like that for some time both of them feeling as though they had finally come home._

TBC

_Whoo! I had a very specific picture in my mind of how I wanted Dawn and Spike's first time to be; I hope I was able to successfully convey that image. This is the first time I've ever written a sex scene so go easy on me!_

_Also I have more to this story in my head, wanting to be written so let me know if you think I should continue._


	11. Afterglow

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: And once again I am forced to say that I own nothing.

Summary: Yay! Lots of happy time! At least for now.

A/N: I just have to say that you guys absolutely rock! Thank you so much for the amazing reviews.

Afterglow

Neither of them spoke for a long time; there were no words to describe how they felt. After so many years and months of separation, unable to be with each other; they were finally where they belonged wrapped in each others arms. Dawn shivered, reaching to pull the comforter over them as she snuggled into Spike's side. Spike absently caressed her back as he said,

            "You're right you know." She stroked his chest lightly and kissed his shoulder.

            "I am? About what exactly?"

            "I'm more afraid of you than anything else I've ever faced." Dawn leaned up onto her elbow to see him better.

            "You don't need to be." She stroked his cheek tenderly and he caught her hand, pressing a kiss into her palm. "I would never hurt you."

            "But you could, so much, and that's what scares the hell out of me; that power." Dawn rested her head on his chest, her legs brushing against his.

            "I get that." She was thoughtful. "You have the power to hurt me too, you know. It _is scary, but we've been through so much together and our love is still so strong. I have to trust that." Spike turned onto his side so they lay face to face._

            "I honestly didn't think leaving was running away; I was trying to do what I thought was right. I never meant to hurt you." Dawn scooted closer until she was pressed against his body and gave him a long, lingering kiss.

            "I know you weren't trying to hurt me," she said seriously. "But you can't always be the one to decide what's best for me; that's my decision to make. You left when I was eighteen and I was devastated, but I eventually understood. You were right then; I _was too wrapped up in you. I didn't know how to take care of myself, but I'm all grown up now. I've become a strong, confident, independent woman, and I know that I can survive on my own. Making decisions that should be mine, choosing __for me; that just takes away from all of that." She could see he understood what she was saying. He spoke ruefully,_

            "I never intended to do that to you. I admire your strength, the woman you've become. It means losing you wasn't all for nothing." They kissed again, needy and hungry as they sank into each other. Spike's hand drifted down to caress her thigh and she moved against him eagerly. He drew back, looking at her with a wicked grin, and the phone rang. They started and Dawn groaned,

            "I should get that. It's probably Anya." Spike raised his eyebrow.

            "She always call so late?"

            "She calls whenever the mood strikes; she has no concept of time zones," Dawn smiled indulgently, picking up the phone. "Hello?"

            "Oh my god!" Anya yelped excitedly. "Xander just told me he talked to Spike. It was all a big misunderstanding; he _does love you! Now you can stop being all mopey; I'm sure he'll come see you tomorrow to tell you. Or he could be on his way right now!" Anya's voice grew even more excited. Spike could hear everything and was grinning at her. She blushed and he reached over to take the phone._

            "I'm already here, luv. Have been for quite some time. We're a tad…busy at the moment so, if you'll pardon my rudeness, I'll be hanging up on you now." Dawn could hear Anya laughing happily as he replaced the receiver.

            "You're terrible!" she said, giving him a playful shove. He laughed and caught her hand. He tugged her tight against him.

            "You know you love it." Then he took her mouth with a passionate ferocity that stole her breath and left her clinging to him. She broke away breathlessly.

            "I love everything about you." He stroked her cheek tenderly and smiled.

            "You make me feel so…complete. Every time I look at you, my heart aches." She put her hands on his shoulders, her mouth moving against his throat as she gently pushed him so that he was lying on his back with her straddling his hips. She leaned up and smiled provocatively.

            "Is your heart the only thing that…aches?" Spike smiled at her playfulness then groaned as she moved against him teasingly.

            "You're going to be the death of me, you know."

            "I think you've voiced that complaint before. Don't worry; I'll be gentle." Dawn set about exploring his body with an arousing curiosity. He fascinated her; silk and steel, smooth and hard all at once. She moved her hands over him, enjoying the friction of skin against skin. Touching her mouth to his flat nipple she discovered that Spike's whole body trembled when she touched him with her tongue. She pushed herself up away from his chest so she could meet his eyes. She gave him a seductive look before she leaned back down and began to slowly stroke him all over with her lips and tongue. Spike growled low in his throat as his body was inundated with sensation. He closed his eyes and when she looked up at him he had transformed. She moved up to touch his face. He looked at her then turned away in shame.

            "I'm sorry. I couldn't control it; it just happened." She stroked his face gently, softly kissing his chin, his cheek, his brow, and finally his lips.

            "Don't be sorry," she told him quietly. "This is part of who you are; savage and strong, while the other part, the man in you, is gentle and tender. You never have to hide from me, Spike; I love _all of you. I always have." She kissed him again; it was strange kissing him when he had his game face on, not unpleasant, but very different. As she kissed him she felt his face change back and that was also an odd sensation. She bit his lip gently as she pulled away and moved back down his body. A tremor ran through him as he whispered shakily,_

            "I love you so much." She smiled against his stomach then moved lower. She stroked him gently with her hand before taking him slowly into her mouth. Spike's whole body stiffened as he groaned in pleasure, "Sweet…" He could barely speak. "Oh, hell, Dawn that feels bloody incredible!" She continued to pleasure him until he thought he would explode. He reached down and pulled her body up over his. He plundered her mouth as he reached between them to touch her; she was already slick with arousal and she moaned when he slipped a finger inside her. He stroked her long and slow and deep until she was writhing against him.

            "Please," she said desperately. Spike moved his lips to her ear as he continued his intimate caress and whispered,

            "You want me inside you?" Dawn nodded blindly, consumed with need. "Then take me." Dawn looked at him, puzzled for a moment, then carefully rose up and positioned herself over him. As she slowly took him inside her Spike's eyes closed and he bit his lip. Dawn's head tipped back and she let out a low moan as she began to move; it was even more intense than before and she thought she might pass out as the pressure began to build. She put her hands on his chest to hold herself steady, and he covered her hands with his own. They moved together as one, the pleasure intense as they both neared completion. Spike sat up suddenly, taking her nipple into his mouth, and Dawn cried out sharply. Her arms went around his neck and she cradled his head to her breast, the feel of his tongue against her almost more than she could handle. Suddenly she was rushing forward and then over the edge as her body exploded in an intense orgasm. As Dawn climaxed her inner muscles squeezed and stroked him, the pleasurable sensation bordering on pain, and Spike quickly followed her in his own release. He collapsed back onto the bed with Dawn sprawled across him, limp and satiated. "Well. That was just…" Spike began. Dawn pushed her hair off her face and peeked up at him to finish his thought,

            "Exhausting? Exhilarating? More pleasure than two people could possibly handle and stay sane?"

            "All of the above." Dawn giggled, then asked,

            "Do you think it will always be like that?"

            "I don't know," Spike replied "After awhile it might settle into merely mind-blowing; we'll have to wait and see." He smiled at her as she moved to lie next to him.

            "I'm glad Anya broke her promise." Spike was confused by the turn in the conversation.

            "I'm not following you, sweet. What promise?"

            "I told her the whole situation, how I thought you didn't want to be with me, and she promised not to tell Xander. But she did, and he talked to you and you came here, and I'm glad she broke her promise!" He smiled.

            "Yeah, if it wasn't for her we might still be miserable. Me thinking you were with another; you thinking I had stopped loving you. How could you possibly have thought I had stopped loving you?"

            "You practically told me-!" She began to say. "Wait. Let's not go over all that again. Mistakes were made, but we're together now and that's all that matters." She leaned up and their lips met tenderly. Spike pressed her closer, trailing his fingertips lightly over her back. Dawn trembled and then pulled back shakily. "And we better hold off on the sexy kissing. I have fairly impressive stamina, but I do need to rest sometime tonight, and kissing you does not bring thoughts of peaceful sleep to mind!" He smiled

            "Doesn't exactly put me in a 'napping' mood either, luv."

            "Anya is never going to let us forget that she was the one who brought us together. You know that, right? She'll be telling our story for years, how there was a tragic misunderstanding and she set us on the path to true love." Spike turned her so she had her back to his chest and put his arms around her.

            "She can tell whatever bloody story she likes; I'm just glad we _have a story." She smiled contentedly, and then yawned._

            "I'm sleepy." He lifted his head so he could see her face.

            "You want me to go?" he asked uncertainly. She turned to give him a reproachful look.

            "Of course not, silly! I thought you would probably stay the night. Unless you don't want to." He pulled her closer.

            "No, I do. All those nights I spent time with you here I always dreaded having to leave."

            "Well, now you can stay as long as you want."

            "I could stay with you forever," he said reverently, trailing his hand down over her breast to caress her stomach then dipping even lower. Her breath caught and she sighed.

            "Remember what I said about sexy kissing?" she asked. His hand didn't stop moving as he murmured,

            "Mm-hmm." She trembled.

            "Well, that goes for sexy touching too." She felt him smile.

            "Every time we touch it's sexy touching. Besides," he whispered against her ear as his fingers worked their magic. "You don't have to do anything. This is just for you." A tremor ran through her body, and a low laugh rumbled in his chest. "Well, that's not strictly true. I love this." He trailed kisses down her throat as her breathing quickened.  She tipped her head back to rest on his shoulder, and clutched his arm as her body began to fill with a familiar tension. He nipped playfully at the spot where her neck curved into her shoulder then moved back to her ear and whispered, "Should I stop?"

            "No, please," she whimpered. His mouth moved against her throat again sending shivers up and down her spine while the movement of his fingers caused her to spiral tighter and faster. She reached her hand back to caress his face, and he growled quietly, stroking her harder and deeper. Her breath caught in her throat and she moaned over and over again as she splintered into a million tiny pieces. Relaxation like she had never known before began to set in and her eyes closed. Spike smoothed her hair off her face and kissed her cheek.

            "Sleep now, luv."

Dawn woke slowly the next morning, a feeling of peace suffusing her being. She stretched languidly, muscles slightly sore from the activities of the night before. The thought of her lovemaking with Spike brought a smile to her lips and she opened her eyes to find him watching her.

            "Hey sleepy head," he said caressing her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

            "Mmm. Better and better." She wiggled closer to him. "Waking up with you is even better than falling asleep by your side." He leaned down and kissed her.

            "I have to agree. When I woke up I couldn't believe that it hadn't all been a dream."

            "How long have you been awake?" He glanced at the clock.

            "Close to an hour; I've just been watching you sleep. You looked so beautiful, then you woke up and you were breathtaking. Well, if I _had breath, that is." They looked at each other silently for a moment before they both started laughing. Dawn sat up and launched herself at Spike enthusiastically, hugging him, and covering his face with kisses._

            "I love you so much." He fell over backwards, holding her close and laughing.

            "What do you say to some breakfast?"

            "I say I'm starved. Just let me get dressed and I'll see what we have." She climbed off the bed and he watched her opening drawers, looking for something to wear. She noticed that Spike hadn't moved. "What?" He sat up, looking thoughtful.

            "Seems a shame to cover up all that wonderfully naked flesh, but if you must then I have a favor to ask." She smirked.

            "And what would that be?"

            "Remember that tight little outfit you wore the first night I came over?"

            "The low-rise jeans and the red tank?"

            "Yeah," he said in satisfaction

            "What about them?" she asked, puzzled.

            "Wear them." She gave him a funny look until she noticed the desire in his eyes. She gave him a saucy grin.

            "You liked that outfit, huh?"

            "Oh, yeah. When I saw you that night I wanted to rip those tight little pants of yours off and have my wicked way with you."

            "You should have." Dawn got out the jeans and shirt and pulled them on while Spike watched. "Would have saved us some time." She glanced at him. "Are you going to get dressed?"

            "Yeah, I just enjoy watching you." She smiled and walked back over to hug him.

            "Since I'm wearing this for you I think it's only fair that you wear something for me." Spike looked intrigued, but reminded her,

            "I only have the clothes I was wearing last night."

            "That's fine; my request is simple. I want you to just wear your jeans and no t-shirt."

            "That's it?"

            "Yep. I like having you shirtless and half naked; puts ideas in my head." She jokingly leered at him. He laughed.

            "We must be on the same wavelength cause you've been putting thoughts in my head all bloody mornin'." He put on his pants, zipping them, but leaving the snap undone. He walked over to pull her against him. "How's this; is this the look you were going for." She nodded and kissed him.

            "It's perfect. You're perfect." She ran her hands over his chest then shook her head slightly. "Alright, I really am hungry; let's go get breakfast before I get distracted and forget all about eating." She took his hand and began to lead him from the bedroom.

            "I don't know, Dawn," he said in mock reluctance. "I kind of like that idea." She grinned at him, but kept going.

They were eating a breakfast of pancakes and sausage when the phone rang. Dawn wiped her mouth and got up to answer it. She picked up the cordless on the wall behind Spike, and he pulled her down to sit on his lap. She smiled as she hit talk.

            "Hello?"

            "Is he still there?"

            "Yes, Anya, he's still here." Spike smiled.

            "Oh," Anya replied. "Did I interrupt the sex? Should I let you go?"

            "No, you didn't 'interrupt the sex'," Dawn said, shaking her head with an amused look at Spike who laughed. "We're just having breakfast."

            "Oh good! I wanted to ask how everything went last night." Spike, blatantly eavesdropping, looked at her expectantly. Dawn gave him a punch on the shoulder.

            "Everything went just fine." Anya's voiced lowered conspiratorially,

            "So was it good?" Dawn's face flamed.

            "ANYA! I don't think that's any of your business!"

            "Actually, as your best friend, sex details are always my business." Spike started laughing, and Dawn glared at him.

            "I'm not going into details with Spike sitting right here!"

            "Why not?" Anya asked. "He was there, right? He knows what went on; it's not like he'd be hearing something new. Oh, unless he _wasn't good." Spike stopped laughing very quickly at that. Dawn grinned at him._

            "He was good, but that's all I'm saying. Now I'm going to hang up so that we can finish our breakfast in peace."

            "Okay, but you better call me later."

            "I will. Bye."

            "Bye."

            "Well, that was very entertaining," Spike commented.

            "Don't even start." Dawn warned him. Spike was quiet for a second.

            "She's very inquisitive." He was trying to suppress a laugh.

            "I told you not to start," Dawn said. Spike looked at her thoughtfully then asked,

            "So _was it good?" He started to laugh._

            "That's it!" Dawn said then lunged at him. They wrestled around playfully as she tugged him out of his seat. When they were thoroughly exhausted they lay on the floor laughing. Spike tenderly brushed his lips against Dawn's. She looked up at him and touched his face. "I could live like this forever." Spike held her gaze with a look of silent agreement and they kissed, reveling in the happiness they had found with each other.

TBC

_Well, they're finally happy; for the moment. Don't forget: no one knows about the chip yet; plus there are a few surprises in store for the happy couple! Hope you enjoyed this chapter._


	12. Still Waters...

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: Same as it ever was.

Still Waters…

When the sun went down Spike decided to go to his place for a change of clothes. Dawn was singing at the club that night so he agreed to meet her there afterwards. They kissed at the door for several minutes before reluctantly parting.

            "It'll only be a couple hours and then we'll be together the rest of the night," Spike whispered when Dawn protested.

            "I know," she pouted. "I just miss you when you're gone. We're gonna have to do something about all your stuff being across town."

            "We'll figure something out tonight. I love you."

            "Love you, too." Spike gave her a quick peck on the cheek and then he was gone. Dawn stood thinking for a moment and then rushed inside to the phone. She was smiling as she punched in Anya's number. She picked up on the first ring.

            "Hello?"

            "It's me."

            "It's about time; I've been waiting all day!"

            "He just left to get some clothes; we're meeting up later," Dawn explained.

            "So? Was it wonderful?" Anya asked excitedly. Dawn leaned against the wall with a dreamy expression.

            "Oh my god, it _really was! Thank you __so much for breaking your promise and telling Xander!"_

            "That's why I'm your best friend, sweetie. So what happened? Did he just come over and sweep you off your feet?" Anya was brimming with curiosity.

            "Well, not exactly." Dawn explained what had happened when she got home the night before, tears coming to her eyes as she remembered how close she'd come to losing Spike. "He told me he wanted to fight for us, and then…and then we made love." Dawn's body heated just thinking of the passion they had shared. Anya sighed happily.

            "That's so romantic! Was it everything you imagined it would be?"

            "Oh, it was so much more than I ever imagined. He was wonderful and tender and passionate. I've never felt so…free, so alive; it was perfect!"

            "I'm so happy for you. I knew there had to be some sort of misunderstanding; I knew he'd never stop loving you." Dawn's eyes grew watery.

            "You've been so great through this whole thing. I really want to thank you for everything you've done."

            "Oh, Dawn," Anya said emotionally. "All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. You're my friend. I love you."

            "I love you too, An." They were silent for a moment and then Anya said,

            "Well, Xander was hoping we could go out tonight so I better get going. I'll talk to you later; have fun!"

            "I will. Bye." Dawn hung up and went to get ready. She got to the club a little early and headed to the bar to wait for Spike. She felt a rush of excitement when she saw him walking towards her. He smiled as he came up beside her then leaned in close for a lingering kiss.

            "Missed you," he said. Dawn ran her hand through his hair and smiled.

            "Me, too."

            "I packed a bag while I was there. Shouldn't have to go back for awhile." Dawn put her arms around him and gave a happy little wiggle. "Someday we might want to think about a permanent solution, but this should do for now." He leaned down and their lips met softly. She pulled back.

            "It's almost time for me to do my thing so I better…" She gestured towards the stage.

            "Okay. I'll be right here watching and waiting," he said as he watched her go. She turned to blow him a kiss, and Spike smiled. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, but he wasn't sure he deserved so much happiness. 

A couple weeks later Chaz called to see if Dawn wanted to get in a workout. It had been awhile so she told him she'd be right over. Spike was sleeping so she left a note for him. She was almost out the door when he padded out of the bedroom.

"Where you headed?"

"I'm going to work out with Chaz. I was leaving you a note, but the sun is down; you can come with me if you want."

"Are you gonna be doing some kick boxing stuff?" Spike asked.

"We might."

"Count me in; I've wanted to see you in action again ever since the night you nailed that guy." He pulled her close to him. "You were pretty incredible." She leaned up and pressed her lips to his and he deepened the contact pulling her tighter against him. As things began to heat up Dawn pulled away reluctantly.

"I'd love to stay here and finish this, but I told him I'd be there soon so you should probably get dressed." She trailed her hands over his chest down to his stomach. "Remember where we were for later." Spike gave her a sexy smile and went to get ready.

She was like a machine when she worked out. She worked one on one with Chaz for an hour and showed almost no sign of fatigue. Spike was impressed and told her so.

"Yeah, she was my best student," Chaz said. "Worked harder, learned faster, and more endurance than I've ever seen." Dawn beamed at the praise.

"It's because I love this stuff," she replied.

"I have a couple guys coming for a session pretty soon. You want to help out again?" Chaz asked then looked at Spike. "Unless you guys have plans." Spike gestured towards Dawn.

"That's up to her; I'm fine either way."

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Dawn asked. Spike nodded. "Alright, then I guess I'll stay." Pretty soon Chaz's students arrived. Dawn worked another hour with them and still looked like she'd only gone for a light jog. She hadn't been kidding when she'd told him she had impressive stamina.  They seemed to be wrapping it up and Spike thought they were finished until Chaz patted the two men on the back and said,

"Great work guys. Why don't you put on the protective gear and then you can do some sparring with Dawn." They both nodded and Spike stood up in astonishment.

"They're going to spar with _Dawn?" he asked incredulously. Chaz looked up to reply,_

"Yeah. That was the plan."

"Why doesn't _she get protective gear?" Chaz looked from Spike to Dawn then back to Spike and laughed._

"Just watch." Spike was concerned for Dawn's safety; what the hell was this guy thinking? The men came out and Dawn spoke to them for a minute, telling them a few things they needed to remember. They got ready to go and Spike's eyes widened as he realized that she was going to spar with both of them at the same time. He watched in amazement as Dawn proceeded to take down two men twice her size in about two minutes. She reached down to help them up, pointing out what they had done wrong. Spike smiled and sat back to enjoy the show. They went on like that for about twenty minutes; he could tell the guys were improving, but Dawn was still able to take them out very quickly. It was quiet on the way home; Dawn looked at Spike uncertainly.

"Were you bored? You're awfully quiet." Spike gave her a smoldering look.

"I was definitely not bored. I'm just trying to keep my hands off you until we get home." Dawn looked at him in surprise.

"_That got you going?" she asked in disbelief._

"You know how you said you love both sides of me? Well watching you fight is like seeing another side of you. I usually see the soft, tender side of you and I absolutely adore it, but tonight I saw your strength and power and I have to say the whole package is very appealing. So, yeah. _That got me going." Dawn smiled and snuggled over closer to him._

They had barely gotten through the door when Spike pulled her against him and took her mouth in a fierce kiss. He pushed the door shut with his foot and began backing her toward the bedroom. Dawn clung to him, hungrily returning every kiss, every caress, aching with desire. They reached greedily for each others clothes barely breaking stride, moving apart only far enough to pull Spike's shirt off over his head as they made their way to the bed. His hands dropped to grasp her hips as he lifted her, and her legs went around his waist. He moved onto the bed with Dawn still clinging to him, laying her gently on the pillows and sliding slowly into her all in one motion. Dawn moaned at the feel of him inside her and desperately lifted her hips to meet his thrust, her legs tightening around his waist. Their eyes met and Spike began a slow, steady rhythm. Dawn moved frantically and whispered,

"Please! I need…more…faster…" Spike quickened his movements, his mouth sliding along her throat. She moaned as his teeth gently nipped her shoulder. They moved together, driven by an all consuming passion that drove them higher and higher towards a shattering climax. Afterwards they lay there barely able to move. Dawn giggled.

"I can't decide whether I should force you to watch every time I work out or whether I should make sure you stay away!" Spike chuckled.

"I vote for the one that ends with us like this."

"Yeah but you don't have to worry about your heart giving out." Spike smiled, holding her close, and as they lay there Dawn drifted off to sleep. She awoke quite a bit later to find Spike getting dressed. Dawn watched him curiously then said,

            "You aren't staying the night?" Spike turned, startled to find her awake.

            "Oh, sweet, I'm coming back. I just need to patrol; I haven't been out in awhile."

            "Is it bad here?"

            "Not anywhere near as bad as the hellmouth, but there is a lot of badness wandering the streets." Dawn climbed out of bed and started to get dressed. Spike stopped with his shirt half on. "What are you doing?"

            "I'm going with you." He finished pulling his shirt on in one angry move.

            "No you most definitely are _not!" She turned to look at him._

            "Uh, okay, _DAD!" she said sarcastically. "I'm pretty sure you have no say in the matter."_

            "I bloody well do! It's too dangerous for you; you'll be killed." She looked at him incredulously.

            "You just spent the evening watching me fight. You know how good I am."

            "Yeah, but you wouldn't be fighting regular men; these are vampires and demons we're talking about." She gave him a dirty look.

            "I know what we're talking about so don't be condescending! I'm telling you I can handle it."

            "You don't know that. It can get pretty bad, and I might not be able to protect you." He didn't understand why she was being so stubborn about this.

            "How many times do I have to tell you? I don't need your damn protection; I can take care of myself!" Spike was beginning to get angry.

            "Not against a vampire! You've never fought a vampire." Dawn spun around.

            "Yes, I have!" she shouted at him, then realizing what she had said she looked suddenly stricken. Spike stood stock still, just staring at her.

            "_What?" he demanded; his voice deathly calm._

            "I-I, well, I have fought a vampire before. More than once," she said haltingly. "The first time was because I had to; I was attacked, but I fought him off and was able to dust him. After that I began hunting them. I used them. For practice. You know, sharpen my fighting skills." He still hadn't moved, and she was getting nervous. Suddenly he sat down on the bed, his head in his hands.

            "Sharpen your fighting skills? You could have been killed!" He sounded devastated and she felt awful.

            "I could have been killed even if I hadn't sought them out. I just…I knew they were there and I wanted to keep other people, people that didn't know, from getting hurt. Can you understand that?" Dawn looked at him pleadingly for a moment, and then said, "I may not have slayer strength, but I still got the job done." Spike looked at her.

            "I understand, but it still scares the hell out of me. I _really don't want you to go."_

            "Well, I don't want you to go, either, but I'm sure you will. If something happened to you…You're not invincible, you know." Spike shook his head adamantly.

"I will _not put you in that kind of danger!"_

"You can't stop me. I'm going with you or I'm going on my own, but I _am going." Spike got to his feet, frustration radiating off him in waves._

"Why are you doing this? If you go out there and get hurt or, worse, killed…" He shook his head. "You know I couldn't take that; not losing you. I could handle anything but that."

"And you think I could handle losing you?" she demanded. Spike turned to face her.

"It's not the same. I'm a vampire; I'm stronger, faster, I heal quickly, and there are only a couple ways to kill me. You, on the other hand, are an amazing fighter, but you're human. You could easily be injured and die."

"You don't think I'm good enough."

"I don't want to take that chance!"

"You're not; I am."

"You don't have to prove anything to me." Spike reached out to touch her and she backed up.

"I'm not trying to _prove anything; I'm trying to help."_

"Maybe I don't want your help," he said quietly. Dawn looked as though she'd been struck.

"Fine!" she said as she yanked her shirt back off. "You be the big man and go save the world; I'll stay here and act all weak and helpless! Happy now?"

"Dawn! That's not what I meant and you bloody well know it! I've never wanted you to be weak and helpless. Why are you acting like this?" Dawn's anger suddenly dissipated and she sank down onto the bed.

"I don't know," she said sadly. "I know you're just worried about me." Spike sat down beside her.

"Then what's going on?"

"I guess I'm just worried about you too." Spike looked amused.

"And you feel a need to protect _me?" Dawn looked up at him with a hint of a smile touching her lips._

"Don't mock!"

"I'm not mocking you; it's just, this is me. Spike. William the Bloody. I've survived for over a century, defeated two slayers intent on ending my existence, and you want to protect me!" he laughed.

"Don't laugh! I know it's irrational; I just don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either. I just don't understand why you get so upset about me wanting to protect you. You know I'm not being insulting; you feel the same way about me. It doesn't mean you think I'm weak, right?"

"Of course not!"

"See? I don't think you're weak either."

"I know. I get that." Spike stood.

"Good. I'm glad we settled that."

"Me, too," Dawn said as she began to put her shirt on again. Spike stared at her.

"What are you doing?" She gave him a funny look.

"I'm going with you."

"Dawn!"

"What?"

She was as good as she had promised. It wasn't anywhere near as easy as taking down a human man, but she always seemed to manage. That didn't stop Spike from worrying, but he figured he'd probably always worry about her safety, whether she was fighting demons or not. _Fear. The price you pay for love, he thought to himself in amusement. He pulled her close to him for a kiss and they decided to call it a night. As they walked away holding hands a silent figure stood alone in the dark and watched, smiling bitterly, until the two lovers disappeared from view. __Soon, their observer thought, then disappeared into the surrounding shadows._

TBC

_Sorry it took me awhile to get this chapter out. There were a couple things I needed to have happen in this chapter to set up the rest of the story so it was more of a transition chapter. I hope you liked it. Next chapter should be up soon._


	13. Run Deep

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Run Deep

Although Spike argued with her about it every time, Dawn continued to patrol with him. They worked well together and most nights they took down whatever they were hunting. She had good instincts and moved like a true predator; Spike was constantly amazed at the things she was able to do.

It started about a month after they had first argued about patrolling. At first Spike thought it was his imagination, the presence he sometimes sensed, but it was happening too frequently now not to be real. It seemed to be watching them at times, silently observing, but he could never see where or what it was. He hadn't said anything to Dawn about it yet, but sometimes he could swear she felt it too. Occasionally after dusting a vamp she would stare into the darkness, an odd tilt to her head, as though she could see something in the distance. If she could feel it too her senses must be extremely acute. He wondered if that was normal, just something developed through long hours spent tracking his kind, or if there was more to it than that. He wondered about the intentions of whatever watched them; he feared that something bad was on the way. Things had been perfect for far too long; he knew it couldn't last forever.

Spike lay in bed after making love one night, thinking. It was late and he thought Dawn was asleep when she suddenly said,

            "Something is out there. You know that, don't you?" Spike glanced over at her, but she wasn't looking at him.

            "I know."

            "Do you know what it is?"

            "No, I haven't been able to get a fix on it."

            "It's using something to mask itself." Dawn stared at the wall intently. "It's waiting; it wants to hurt you." Spike sat up to look at her.

            "How do you know that?" he asked, shaken. She looked up at him pensively.

            "I don't know."

            "Have you known all this time or did you just-?"

            "I knew," she interrupted bleakly as she sat up. "I've known for awhile, but I'm not sure how."

            "Has that happened before?"

            "The knowing?" Spike nodded. "Yes. It's not like I get a vision or see anything in my head. I just…know."

            "Can you describe what happens?" She hugged her knees to her chest and shrugged.

            "Nothing happens." She looked thoughtful for a moment then turned to him. "It's like, say you're outside and the wind blows. You don't have to figure out what happened cause you already know. It's sort of like that. It's already in my head to know, like a memory." She put her head in her hands. "I don't even know if that made sense."

            "I think it did. At least I think I understand." He pulled her against him and she put her arms around his waist. "How long has this been going on?"

            "I'm not sure. There's no big flash or anything so I don't really notice. I mean it's just…there." She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Do you think something is wrong with me?" Spike stroked her arm.

            "Not _wrong, necessarily; just different. We'll figure it out, I promise." He kissed the top of her head, his voice firm. "I promise."_

Spike wasn't quite sure how it happened; the lot of them flying out, all he had done was call Xander. He'd thought maybe the gang could do some research or something. Then everyone got concerned, Giles had been called at some point, and suddenly they were all booking flights. He hadn't meant to cause such an uproar, but he figured a visit from all of them could only help.

            "All of them? They're _all coming? At the same time?"_

            "Yes, Dawn! They are all_ coming to visit," Spike said in exasperation. "I thought you would be happy."_

            "_Happy? Let's see am I __happy that everyone probably thinks I'm a freak? Am I __happy that everyone is going to fuss over me like I'm three? I don't know Spike; do I seem happy to you?" Dawn asked sarcastically._

            "You're being ridiculous! Nobody thinks you're a freak; they're concerned is all. They want to make sure everything is alright." She sighed wearily.

            "I love them. I do, but they all, with the exception of Anya, treat me like a child who needs taking care of. I just don't know if I can handle so much _concern at once."_

            "I'm sure no one treats you like a child," he said dismissively.

            "Oh yeah? Last time I was home they took me to the circus!"

            "So? Lot's of _adult people go to the circus."_

            "Afterwards Giles gave me a lollipop and a teddy bear."

            "See, now you're just making stuff up," Spike pointed out as he laughed. Dawn gave him a crooked grin.

            "Yeah, maybe a little bit. I guess it won't be that bad; I have missed them. I just feel funny with them knowing that I'm all weird."

            "Would you stop?! You are not all weird. If anything you have a gift."

            "Yeah, well, I think I'd like to return this particular gift." She turned to look at him suddenly. "Are any of them staying with us? With me. Whatever." Spike looked at her cautiously.

            "Do you _want any of them to stay with you?" Dawn looked thoughtful._

            "Well, it might be kind of nice to have Anya around, but could you stand being around Xander for so long? I know you're practically friends now, but you guys still have some of the old animosity going on. And confined quarters? Not so great for strained relations."

            "I'll be fine. I think a lot of that stuff with me and him is just habit. I wouldn't go calling us best mates or anything, but I think we can survive without killing each other. At least for awhile." She reached out and stroked his cheek.

            "Good, 'cause I think it will be a lot of fun."

            "Yeah!" he snorted in amusement. "You and demon girl in the same house for an extended period of time; isn't that a sign of the bleedin' apocalypse?"

            "Very funny," Dawn grumbled, lunging for him.

            "Hey!" he shouted, falling backwards on the couch as she began to tickle him.

A week later they went to the airport to pick everyone up, everyone but Giles; he wasn't coming in until the morning. The women were full of excited chatter, hugging each other tearfully while Spike and Xander stood off to the side, both with their arms crossed.

            "So how ya been?" Xander asked.

            "Good, you?"

            "Good." They nodded their heads slightly and continued to watch the women fluttering about. They all headed to baggage claim as Dawn caught up on what had been happening in Sunnydale. There was no mention of her newfound ability, and Spike was grateful to the others for not starting in with a barrage of questions first thing. He knew Dawn had been worried that they would look at her differently now that they knew.

It was a tight squeeze in the car, but they managed with three in front and three in back. Spike offered Willow and Tara the use of his apartment while they were in town rather than paying for a motel room.

            "It's actually a pretty nice place, and I'm never there anyway," he said. Then as he realized how that sounded he looked over at Dawn who was blushing slightly. "I mean-" Xander interrupted.

            "I think we all know what you mean. It's no big deal; we figured you guys would be living together."

            "Well, we're not actually living together," Dawn explained. Anya patted her on the arm.

            "You don't have to explain anything to us. We're all adults here; what you guys do or don't do is your business.

            "Yeah," said Xander. "And I for one could do without any of the details." They all laughed. They decided to crash at Dawn's for the night so they could pick up Giles together in the morning, except of course for Spike who would have to stay at home. The guys sprawled on the couch in the living room watching television while the women laughed and joked in the kitchen as they worked on supper.

"How is Dawn coping with this latest development?" Xander asked without looking away from the TV.

"Eh, as well as can be expected. She thinks it's weird and worries that everyone thinks she's a freak. I told her it's a gift, but she doesn't want or understand it." Xander glanced at him.

"Is she scared?"

"I think she feels like she can't control what's happening and _that scares her. She likes to be in control." He was silent for a moment. "I just hope we can figure out why it's happening." Xander nodded his head as he turned back to the TV._

"Don't worry man. With all of us looking into it I'm sure we'll find something," he said confidently, but Spike wasn't reassured.

They had all settled in for the night; Xander and Anya in the spare room and Will and Tara on the pullout sofa, but Dawn couldn't sleep. She didn't want to wake anyone up so she crept into the kitchen without turning on the light and rummaged through the fridge. She left the door open for the dim illumination of the refrigerator bulb as she turned around. When she saw someone standing in the door she nearly screamed before realizing it was Anya. She set down the food she was carrying, stifling a laugh.

            "Oh my god!" she whispered. "You scared the hell out of me."

            "Sorry about that." Anya smiled as she boosted herself up to sit on the counter near Dawn. "I guess you couldn't sleep either?" Dawn sobered.

            "Not really."

            "This thing has you pretty shaken, huh?"

            "I just wish I knew why it was happening. It seems like a good thing, but I'm wondering if it has something to do with what I am." Dawn shot her an anxious look. "We never fully dealt with that, you know."

            "You think this is some Key thing?"

            "I don't know; that's the whole problem. No one really knows what I am. We know what I _was, but what am I now? What am I really?" Anya met her gaze with sympathy._

            "I don't know, but I think whatever you are, it isn't anything to be afraid of. You're a good person, and whatever this thing is it helps you sense the bad guys. That has to be good, right? If something inside you was evil you wouldn't be compelled to do so much good."

            "There's evil in Spike, but he does good. Doesn't that mean there could be evil in me?"

            "No, because Spike isn't naturally compelled to do good; he does it _despite being drawn to evil."_

            "Yeah, he is kinda special, isn't he?" Anya nodded her agreement. "Maybe our researching will turn something up."

            "I'm sure we'll find something. Giles must have some old book that can help." She smiled comfortingly and they ate the rest of their food in silence.

            "I better head back to bed; Spike will wonder where I've disappeared too."

            "Alright. I'll see you in the morning." Dawn was almost to the bedroom when Anya whispered loudly, "Dawn?"

            "Yeah?"

            "We'll figure this out. Just like we always do." Dawn smiled slightly and then headed into her room. Anya stood there for a moment, looking after her friend before going back to bed.

Dawn had been prepared for them to look at her strangely, even though they hadn't; what she hadn't expected was Giles's unrestrained excitement. He was fascinated by every facet of her ability, when it started, how it happened, how it felt. It was new to him, and he didn't know what had caused it, but he was prepared to study and search until he found an answer. The day passed swiftly as they discussed possible avenues to research and decided what each of them could do to help.

            "Do you think it has anything to do with my, um, my 'keyness'?" Dawn asked when they had a moment alone.

            "It could be a number of things. You could be accessing a heretofore unused part of the mind; it could have something to do with the way you were created, or it could be something else altogether. The possibilities are…staggering!" He saw the hopeless look on Dawn's face, and tried to tamp down his enthusiasm. "Of course, I'm, uh, I'm sure we should have no trouble narrowing them down and, um, figuring this all out for you. You'll see." He smiled encouragingly.

            "Nice recovery, Giles." She looped her arm through his and leaned her head on his shoulder. "You don't have to sugarcoat things for me; I realize that we're starting this search with very little information to go on. Thank you for trying to find some answers for me. You've always been there for me, for all of us whenever we needed you; you mean a lot to us you know." She looked up in time to see that his eyes were watery.

            "You all mean a lot to me as well. I'm happy to help in any way I can." They embraced briefly and then Spike came in.

            "Sun's going down. Thought I'd take Red and Tara over to my place now; did you want to follow in your car so I can leave mine with them or are you and Giles busy catching up?" Dawn stepped forward to take his hand.

            "I think we're done for now, I'll go as long as Giles won't be lonely." Giles smiled and told her jokingly,

            "I'll be fine. Anya and Xander are probably all the entertainment I can handle." Dawn laughed and then left with Spike.

The next few weeks passed quickly and Dawn's abilities seemed to be increasing in strength. She knew more and more everyday; things that just seemed to show up in her thoughts as if they had always been there. She found it a little disconcerting. Xander thought they needed a 'study' break so they decided on dinner and dancing. Willow and Tara had gone with Giles to an occult book store he'd heard about to see if they could locate a text they needed. Anya wanted to get something new to wear for their night out. They had rented a car so she and Xander headed to the mall and everyone planned to meet at the restaurant. Dawn went in to take a shower before she got ready. She was washing her hair when she felt a draft. She opened her eyes to see Spike climbing in with her.

            "Thought we might save time by sharing a shower," he said with a grin as he pulled her up against him. Dawn smiled.

            "There's nothing about this situation that will save time."

            "I know," he whispered against her lips. Their bodies were slick against each other as they came together. Her hands moved over his back and she twined her arms around his neck, pressing herself into him. Spike slid his hands down to her bottom, pulling her tighter. "I love the feel of you. I can't seem to stop touching your skin."

            "I don't want you to stop." His hand moved around to part her gently with his fingers. He caressed her with long sweeping strokes until she begged him for more. He lifted her against the side of the shower, kissing her deeply as he pressed slowly inside her. She moaned and bucked against him. He pressed her into the wall to hold her still and started a slow rhythm, teasing her with his movements. She clawed at his back trying to make him move faster, but he continued to drive her mad with his slow easy thrusts. Finally when he knew she was wound as tight as possible he moved harder and deeper bringing them both to completion. Afterwards they finished showering and dried each other off.

            "That was different," Dawn commented. "We've never done it in the shower before."

            "Did you like it?" She smiled languorously and said,

            "Couldn't you tell?" He chuckled as they headed in to the bedroom to get dressed.

            "Oh, bugger!" he said as he looked through his clothes. Dawn peeked out of the closet.

            "What?"

            "I haven't got any clean clothes."

            "None at all?"

            "No, I'll have to make a run over to my place; then I'll do some laundry tomorrow."

            "You should really move all your stuff over here; it would be much simpler." Spike pulled her close and smiled down at her.

            "We'll have to discuss that idea in more detail later, but if we're going to make it to the restaurant on time I better run to my place." He kissed her on the forehead.

            "Alright. Make sure you wear something sexy." She patted him on the butt as he turned to go and he called back,

            "Don't I always?" Dawn laughed and went back into the closet to finish dressing as he left. About two seconds after he had gone there was a knock on the door. _He must have forgotten something, she thought as she straightened up._

            "Come in," she shouted. She heard the door open as she reached for her shoes and laughed as she called out, "Why did you knock? Did you think I had run out and locked the door in the nanosecond you were gone?" As the door clicked shut her head came up and she froze in fear. _It isn't him. The thought drifted across her mind and she knew with chilling certainty that it was true. She felt more than heard someone walking slowly through the house. She rushed into the bedroom as a figure appeared in the doorway._

            "Hello little girl." Dawn's heart sank as someone she had hoped never to face spoke to her in a familiar, lilting voice.

            "Drusilla." A cold, feral smile crossed Dru's face as they stared at each other. "It was you all along."

            "Yes. I hid myself within the breeze where you couldn't see. I could feel your mind, searching for me, but I hid and you didn't know." She laughed lightly as she spread her arms wide. "I won and now I'll set him free."

            "You didn't come here to set him free; you came to punish him for forgetting you and moving on." Dru's eyes snapped up to meet Dawn's, hatred shining bright.

            "Either way I get to kill you. The stars will dance when your blood runs dry." They stood silently for a moment and then Dawn spun quickly and kicked Drusilla in the stomach. She stumbled back and Dawn kicked her again then made a run for the door. Drusilla caught her quickly and took her to the floor, but Dawn twisted and got in another kick, this time to the face. "Shh, you shouldn't fight; it will be much easier on you if you don't struggle." Dawn kicked her hard in the knee and she growled. "On the other hand it's always fun to work up an appetite!" Drusilla punched her twice in the face; hard, numbing blows. Dawn struggled, disoriented, and managed to land several kicks, but Dru kept hitting her in the face and soon she was nearly unconscious. "Those ones you fought before; they weren't strong like me. I watched you, the way you move; you really never had a chance," she whispered leaning in close to her neck. She pulled Dawn's head to the side then bit into her exposed throat, drinking deep. Dawn moved, trying to push her away, but she was too weak and Drusilla continued to feed. Dru pulled back when she heard a noise at the front door. She let go of Dawn and jumped to her feet; Spike was back much sooner than she had expected. She looked around for a way out before running back to the bedroom and ducking out the window.

            "Hey, I didn't bring my apartment key and I forgot Red and Tara were out with Giles," Spike said as he opened the door. "I must have been distracted by-" His gaze fell to Dawn's body on the floor; he rushed over and dropped to his knees. "Dawn? Are you okay?" _Oh, god! She's unconscious! "Dawn? Dawn! Can you hear me? What happened?" He gently grasped her shoulders and her head lolled back. He saw the puncture wounds in her neck and his face twisted in horror. "No! No! Dawn!" he shouted as he felt for a pulse. Nothing. __This can't be happening. This can't be happening! He raced for the phone and dialed 911 as he ran back to her side. __Please let her be okay. Please._

            "911. Is this an emergency?" The dispatcher asked.

            "Yes! Please, I need an ambulance at 1232 Crestview. Please hurry, I think she's dying!" Spike sank to the floor with the phone and grasped Dawn's hand as he began to shake.

TBC

_It took a little longer to get this out than I had anticipated. I went to see Spiderman over the weekend and then my husband snagged the laptop so I didn't get to work on the story. Hope you like it!_

_Spiderman rocked, by the way._


	14. Shadow of a Doubt

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: Again with the disclaiming! How many times must I go through this?

Shadow of a Doubt

As Spike waited for the ambulance time seemed to slow; each second ticking by on the clock was as loud as thunder. Everything else was still and silent, so silent you would have been able to hear each breath rasping harshly in and out, except that neither one of the two people in the room was breathing. That thought caused Spike to break the eerie silence with an anguished cry. In the distance there was a siren and suddenly time rushed forward and everything became a blur as the paramedics burst in firing questions at him, one after another while they quickly worked on her. They managed to get a weak, thready pulse and then Dawn was being strapped to a gurney and loaded into the rig. They rushed to the hospital, and Spike was forced to follow behind on his own, barely aware of the surrounding traffic. How could this have happened? He'd only been gone a few short moments; why would she have invited a stranger in? She was so strong; how had they been able to overpower her? Most of the vampires they had encountered in the area were fledglings; Dawn would have had little trouble dispatching one of them. Something about this didn't fit. _It might be too late. She could die. He shook his head. If he started thinking like that he wouldn't be able to make the drive to the hospital. He pulled in, parking haphazardly before he rushed into the ER. When he got inside they were already working on her and he wasn't allowed in the room. Spike paced around the waiting room watching the clock, stopping as he realized the others were probably waiting at the restaurant by now. He walked slowly to the pay phone; he picked up the receiver and stared at the buttons without dialing until someone asked whether he was going to use the phone or not. He muttered an apology, punched in the number for the restaurant, and had them page Giles. Somehow calling them seemed to make it more real; when he heard the Watcher's voice on the line he despaired at having to pass on the devastating information._

            "Giles, I-" he stopped, unsure if he could go on.

            "Spike? Where are you two; we were beginning to think something had happened." Spike's face twisted into a mask of grief at the unintentionally hurtful words, but he managed to choke out what he had to say.

            "Something- I can't, something did happen. I'm at the hospital with Dawn." Tears ran down his face again as he held himself up against the wall. "You guys better get down here; I don't know… she might not make it." There was stunned silence and then,

            "We're on our way; you can explain when we get there." Spike gave him directions and then hung up. He walked to the chairs and sank down with his head in his hands. She had to make it; if she died he had no reason to go on.

Twenty minutes later the gang charged into the hospital looking around wildly until they spotted Spike hunched over in his chair. In a moment they were at his side. Anya dropped down in front of him and hugged him tightly. She drew back and whispered,

            "What happened?" Spike's eyes were bleak, his voice nearly inaudible.

            "I was barely gone ten minutes. I forgot my key and came back. She was on the floor…not moving…" He trailed off as he looked blankly at the floor. "Tried to talk to her, but she…unconscious. I didn't see…there were bite marks. Why would she invite…" He shook his head. "Makes no bloody sense; she would have known better. She knew better. She wasn't breathing…nothing I could do, I had to wait. Waited forever." He looked up at them. "I couldn't do anything." Anya sobbed and held onto him. Giles stepped forward.

            "Are you saying," he glanced around and lowered his voice before continuing, "this was a vampire attack?" Spike nodded grimly.

            "I don't get it," Xander said. "Why would she have invited some stranger into the house? She's dealt with enough vampires to know better than that."

            "That's what I don't get." Spike shook his head. "I was only gone for a few minutes. Dawn is an extraordinary fighter; she can fight off and take down a vamp with the best of 'em, but somehow this one managed to gain access to the house and overpower her in a ridiculously short amount of time. The only ones we've run into around here are young; most of them are fledglings barely out of the ground. There's no way they'd be able to do this." Giles was thoughtful before replying,

            "Something new in town, maybe?" Spike nodded.

            "I still don't understand how it got in the house."

            "I'm sorry to interrupt the theorizing, but have you heard anything about how Dawn is doing?" Willow asked somberly.

            "No, the bloody doctors won't tell me anything. I haven't even seen her; she was already in with them when I got here."

            "I'll go see what I can find out," Giles said and headed for the desk. They sat in silence and watched him speak with the nurse. Soon he stormed back over with an angry look on his face. "Apparently she's very busy, but she'll tell us if she hears anything." He dropped down into a chair and they all sat and waited.

After what seemed like an eternity the doctor finally came to speak to them.

            "Is she okay?" Spike asked desperately.

            "Well, there was trauma to the face resulting in several minor injuries, but our biggest concern was the damage caused by the neck wound. She suffered what we call a Class IV hemorrhage; that's when there is a blood volume loss of more than forty percent. The sudden loss of blood sent her into hypovolemic shock. We've managed to stabilize her for now, but she's still in the ICU and she'll need more tests before we know if there is any permanent organ damage. She hasn't regained consciousness yet so I'm afraid you can't see her right now, but I'll keep you informed of her progress."

            "She's comatose?" Giles queried. The doctor looked reluctant.

            "For the moment, but as far as we know there's no reason to assume she won't come out of it."

            "But she might not?" Xander asked. "Come out of it, I mean."

            "That's always a possibility. We'll know more after we've finished our tests. The fact that she's even alive after such a beating and the loss of so much blood means she's very strong so there's hope that she'll pull through this." The doctor looked at them sympathetically and when they had no more questions he took his leave. They all stood as though frozen until Spike turned, stumbling towards the door.

            "I have to get out of here; I need…" Anya reached to touch him.

            "You want some company?" He shook his head as he shrugged her hand off his arm.

            "I need to be alone." He took off and they all exchanged worried looks.

            "Xander," Anya said pleadingly and he nodded in understanding.

            "I'll make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." Willow looked uncertain.

            "But he said-"

            "Don't worry; I'll keep out of sight. He won't see me."

He followed him for miles. At first Xander worried that the anguished vamp would sense him, but when Spike didn't turn around and give him hell for the stalker impersonation Xander figured grief was causing Spike to be a little careless. It went on like that for hours; Spike wandering aimlessly through the darkened streets, Xander trailing cautiously behind. He was trying to decide if he should say something or just leave him to his thoughts when two guys stepped out of the shadows to block Spike's path; a third stepped out of a doorway behind him with a crowbar. Xander could see they were human, and he knew Spike wouldn't be able to fight back. He prepared to charge in to help, but before the third guy could strike with the crowbar Spike spun around and caught his arm. Spike kicked out behind him, knocking one of the other guys down before punching the one wielding the crow bar. Then as the third one rushed him Spike grabbed him and tossed him effortlessly into a dumpster. Spike stood there staring at the ground, his game face still in place, while Xander looked on in shock. He quickly ducked back out of sight as Spike suddenly glanced up. Xander waited a second and when he peeked back out Spike was walking away from him. _What the hell was that? he thought in confusion. __Spike can hurt humans? Xander stood there thinking and then he rushed back to the hospital._

Anya looked up as Xander rushed into the waiting room and headed straight to Giles.

            "I think I figured out how a vampire managed to get into the house." Willow stood up, saying,

            "What? How?"

            "Well, we've overlooked a very obvious explanation; she _lives with one!"_

            "No. No way!" Anya said. "He would never do this to her! Never!"

            "Yeah, Xander," Willow agreed. "Besides it couldn't have been him. Chip, remember?"

            "I think it stopped working. I just saw him get attacked by three _human men, and he beat the crap out of them," Xander explained. Willow shook her head in disbelief._

            "You probably just misunderstood the situation. They had to be vamps or something."

            "I know what I saw, Will! He's been lying to us; I bet Dawn didn't even realize she was living with a monster," Xander raged bitterly.

            "How can you say that?" Anya whispered bleakly. "Don't you even know him at all?"

            "I know what he is and a demon doesn't just suddenly change!"

            "Suddenly?" Anya demanded. "You think ten years or however damn long it's been is _sudden? He's grown and changed over a period of __years! He would never do something like this to Dawn, and if you don't know that after all this time…" She shook her head. "I don't even know what to say." Giles ran a hand wearily through his hair and tried to intervene._

            "I'm sure he would have told us if the chip had stopped working." Xander just shot him a cynical look. It wasn't long before Spike came back from his walk; Xander watched him as he came over.

            "Clear your head?" he asked sarcastically. Spike gave him a funny look.

            "Not really. I thought there might've been more news." Anya shook her head no.

            "I have a question," Xander said loudly. Anya put a restraining hand on his arm and pleaded quietly,

            "Don't do this. Please." Without looking at her he turned to Spike.

            "How's that chip of yours working these days?" A guilty looked passed across Spike's face.

            "Well, it's not really," he replied hesitantly. "It stopped working awhile ago."

            "And you didn't want us to know."

            "It wasn't like that. I-"

            "You did this to her, didn't you?" Spike jerked back and then noticed the way Xander, Giles, and Willow were looking at him, the suspicion in their eyes.

            "I would _never hurt her! She's-" Xander stepped closer._

            "I want you out. You lied about the chip; who knows what else you've lied about!"

            "Xander, stop it," Anya demanded. "You don't know what you're talking about!" She turned to look for support among the others. Giles and Willow wouldn't look her in the eye and Tara seemed unsure of what to do. Spike held up his hand to Anya.

            "Don't bother, luv. Once this lot gets a bloody idea into their heads no one can shake it loose. I'll go for now, but I will be back. I'm not going to desert her." He looked bitterly at Xander. "Nice to see you've reverted to type; you always were a judgmental, bigoted git. Glad you decided to show your true colors, seems like old times." He glanced at Anya. "Thanks for sticking up for me." He looked at the rest of them then shook his head and left.

            "That was really great you guys," Anya said. Willow looked upset and said defensively,

            "Well, why wouldn't he have told us? If he wasn't hiding something why didn't he tell us about the chip?" Anya looked at all of them with disgust.

            "I wonder why?" she responded sarcastically before going after Spike. By the time she got outside he was halfway across the parking lot. "Hey! Wait up."

            "Look, I'm not in a real chatty mood right now."

            "I understand, and I'm sorry about Xander, about all of them. I just wanted to tell you that I'll make sure you know Dawn's condition, no matter what happens."

            "I appreciate that. I'll come by when they're not around; I don't have the strength to deal with the lot of them right now or else I'd be throwing _them out." Anya gave him a hug and watched as he left. For the first time in her relationship with Xander she was ashamed of him. It was a horrible feeling._

Tara and Willow sat huddled together in their seats talking in lowered voices so the others wouldn't hear.

            "Do you really think he did this?" Tara asked Willow.

            "I don't know," Willow muttered. "I know he loves her; maybe they were, you know, fooling around and things got carried away. Maybe it was an accident."

            "And then he punched her repeatedly in the face?" Tara asked in disbelief.

            "Yeah, that doesn't make sense. He wouldn't do that." Willow glanced over at Xander. "I think maybe we made a terrible mistake. I don't think Spike would ever do something like this to Dawn, accidentally or otherwise."

            "Did you see his face? He was so hurt." Tara looked sadly at Willow. "That's why he didn't tell us; he knew we would do this to him."

            "Xander honestly believes Spike did this. I don't think he's going to change his mind." Willow whipped around to look at Tara. "Oh, god! We're staying at his place; should we leave?"

            "I think we should stay, maybe apologize or something." They sat silently until Giles came over.

            "They said they won't know anything until tomorrow so I was thinking maybe we should all go and get some much needed rest."

            "Giles," Willow whispered, glancing surreptitiously at Xander. "I think we made a mistake with Spike." Giles looked uncertain so Tara spoke up,

            "You don't really think he would do this to her, do you?" He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily.

            "I didn't think so, but I'm not the best judge; I haven't been around as much as the rest of you. You think Xander may have overreacted?"

            "We all know Xander's the first to suspect the worst, especially when it's Spike. Anya clearly disagrees with him, and Dawn tells her _everything. I think she would know if there was any indication that Spike was capable of this." Willow stood up and took Giles's arm. "Do you really think Spike would beat__ Dawn __unconscious and feed off her?"_

            "No. No, that doesn't seem likely," Giles sighed.

            "What do we do?"

            "I don't know what we _can do."_

            "Shouldn't we talk to Spike, tell him we believe him?" Tara asked.

            "Well, that's a start, but I don't know what to do about Xander. He's not going to change his mind, and even if he did, I have serious doubts that Spike would forgive him." They all looked to where Xander was standing, arms crossed, staring furiously out the window. Spike had been right; once Xander got an idea in his head it was hard to make him see anything else.

            "Maybe Anya can get through to him."

            "Would you take a second and think about what you're saying," Anya demanded angrily on the drive back to Dawn's.

            "The more I think about it the more sense it makes! He had access to the house; he could easily overpower Dawn, especially since she probably wasn't expecting it. It all makes perfect sense."

            "Yeah, if you're thinking like a pea-brained idiot! First of all, we all watched Spike take care of Dawn for _three years. You saw how tender he was with her, how protective. Second, you listened to him talk and worry about her every month for five damn years! You are actually going to sit there and tell me that all that emotion, all that concern, was a lie? That he just suddenly decided, for no apparent reason, to beat the hell out of her and make her a meal? Just like that? That is what you __seriously think happened?" Xander looked at her._

            "He's a vampire, Anya. They eat people. For food. That's what they do."

            "This one doesn't; not anymore, and you know it," Anya declared vehemently. "Spike was right; you're a bigot." Xander slammed his hand against the steering wheel.

            "I don't want to discuss this any more, Anya! I know what happened. Don't expect me to blindly trust a vicious monster just because you do."

            "I don't expect anything from you anymore. I learned that lesson the hard way, but don't think that that means I'm going to turn my back on him. He is my friend and Dawn loves him. She would want someone to be there for him. You think you know what happened, but I know that you're wrong and I won't blindly follow _you!"_

            "You're risking your life if you go anywhere near him."

            "I doubt that very much." Xander looked at her furiously.

            "You're choosing him over me?"

            "I'm not choosing anybody over anybody! I'm just telling you the way it's going to be. Why? Are you going to make me choose?" Xander shook his head in frustration.

            "Look, I don't want to argue about this right now. Can't we jus get some rest and discuss this in the morning?"

            "Fine, but if you think I'll change my mind you're wrong."

            "Fine."

            "Fine!" Anya stared sullenly out the window. If Xander made her choose… Well, she couldn't think about that now, but she had a feeling they would all be making some tough choices very soon.

Spike roamed the streets, unsure of where he was going, filled with pain and anger. It was nearing sunrise. He should really get inside, but he couldn't seem to care. He was probably going to lose Dawn; not too many people recovered when they were nearly drained by a vampire, and they thought he did it. They thought he could do something like that to Dawn. He had actually begun to think of them as his friends, to trust them and they had turned their backs on him. Deep down he had known; that was probably why, after all this time, he still hadn't had the courage to bring up the issue of the chip. _Well, it's all out in the open now, he thought bitterly. At least Anya was on his side, but how long before Xander managed to turn her against him. He was brought abruptly out of his thoughts as someone knocked him down from behind. He rolled quickly and sprang to his feet, coming face to face with Drusilla. She gave him that daft grin he remembered so well and as she came closer she cooed,_

            "Hello, lover." Spike eyed her suspiciously.

            "Hello, Dru. Didn't know you were in town." She clapped her hands gleefully like a child.

            "Didn't you get the present I left for you? I picked it out special." Spike looked at her quizzically.

            "Present? What pres-?" His expression became murderous. "You did that to Dawn?"

            "Mm, yes. Too bad you came home so soon and spoiled all the fun," Dru pouted. "She was quite delicious; I hope you won't miss her too much!" Spike grabbed her by the throat and slammed her up against a nearby building.

            "You, bitch!" Dru laughed at his anger. "I'll kill you!"

            "I doubt that very much, my love," she replied confidently.

            "You think I won't do it?" She laughed at him again.

            "Oh, I know you have no problem killing your own kind these days. You've become so _good; it's sickening, but did you really think I would come alone?" She asked condescendingly. Before Spike could comprehend what she was saying he was hit over the head and fell unconscious to the ground. Drusilla glared at his fallen body. "Pick him up; we're bringing him with us."_

TBC

_Well, I hope this chapter was enjoyable. I have to say that I've never really agreed with the conclusion that a vampire couldn't perform CPR. Granted they don't need to breathe, but it's been shown throughout the show that they have the ability to draw breath in and expel it (ex. smoking) so I don't see why they couldn't. BUT since it was laid out in the first season that they couldn't, I figured I better stick with it. Plus it makes for good drama!_


	15. The Harbinger

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: You know the routine.

The Harbinger

Spike woke slowly; he was dizzy and disoriented, unsure of what had happened. He'd been walking after the fight with Xander and then…_Drusilla, he remembered. He lifted his eyelids enough to see that he was in a dark chamber of some sort, but his eyes were too sensitive for even that small amount of light, and his head throbbed in pain. When he tried to shift his position he realized he was chained uncomfortably to the wall. __Great, just what I need! He thought sarcastically. Dealing with Dru's craziness when he loved her had been hard enough; dealing with it now when he wished her dead would be torture._

            "Oh, goody! My little Spike's finally awake; now he can join in the games!" Drusilla announced. "It's so much more fun when I can hear you scream."

            "What are you hoping to accomplish here Dru? I've withstood far greater torture than even you could hand out," Spike told her as he looked her up and down appraisingly. "Why did you come looking for me anyway; couldn't find anyone to play with? No one else willing to put up with your bloody insanity?" Dru slapped him hard across the face.

            "Shh, quiet!" She held her finger to her lips. "It's mummy's turn to talk now." She began to pace around the room. "I waited for you when the slayer died. I waited for you to return to me once her hold on you had been broken. But you were a naughty boy; you stayed to protect the sister. And now you hurt me by loving her, by choosing to be with _her."_

            "You won't win me back by hurting her, you know. You only make me hate you." Drusilla laughed mockingly.

            "Silly boy! I didn't come to win you back; I came to punish you. You've been a very bad boy. You shouldn't have turned your back on what you are; on what I made you!" she told him. Then she smiled. "The others, they think you did it."

            "Yes," he responded bitterly. She came over and stroked his cheek.

            "That's why I wanted to do it in the house. It was easy really; she thought it was you knocking."

            "What if she hadn't given you the invite?"

            "I have my ways. Funny, isn't it? How quickly they turned on you? How easy? You should know by now that you could never _truly be part of that world. To them you're a killer, a monster and that's all they'll ever see. It's sad really. You used to be truly magnificent, but now… A mere shadow of your former self; you're as pathetic as they are, doing __good deeds and whatnot, and they don't even know." Spike looked at her wearily._

            "If you're going to kill me just get on with it already. I'm sick of listening to you prattle on." Dru grabbed his throat, angry at his insolence.

            "My darling boy, I'm not going to kill you; that would be much too easy. I'm going to kill your little friends, one by one. And you get to watch!" Spike's mind registered her words with horror, but he let none of it show in his face as he said,

            "They're not my friends. As you said they turned on me rather quickly; I really don't care what you do to them." She tipped his head up so she could see his eyes.

            "Naughty, naughty! Shame on you for trying to trick mummy." She smirked, waving her hand above his head. "I can see the pain of it spreading through your mind. You'd rather die than see them hurt, even after they've proven their disloyalty and distrust of you." She continued to stare at him intently. "There is one. One you still consider a friend; I think she'll be first." Drusilla did a little spin around the room, a vacant smile on her face. "Pretty, pretty little girl; do you think she's pretty on the inside too?"

            "If you do this, you had bloody well better kill me afterwards. I'll _never allow you to live if they die." Spike's voice was low and deadly. Dru patted him on the head as though he were a small child before leaving the room. Spike pulled at his chains, growling with rage._

The doctor's all thought Dawn was in a coma and while that was true by their definition, it wasn't entirely accurate. Dawn found herself in a dark void and thought at first that she was dead. As she tried desperately to see where she was, to see anything at all she became aware of several sounds. The sound of rushing water came from a distance and she could also hear what seemed to be a low hum. A cool breeze could be felt and she was filled with a sense of overwhelming calm. _Where am I? she thought._

            "You are nowhere and everywhere," a soft voice responded.

            "Who said that? Why can't I see?" Dawn demanded.

            "I am here to give you the answers that you seek."

            "How did I get here?"

            "These questions are irrelevant. We have more important matters to discuss." The low hum began to grow louder and Dawn felt like she couldn't breathe.

            "What- What is…happening," Dawn asked, barely able to speak.

            "All will be revealed." The voice sounded as though it came from very far away and suddenly Dawn was falling.

Spike waited restlessly, wondering what Drusilla was doing. Wondering if, at this very moment, she was bringing Anya to be tortured and killed. Wondering if she had gotten her wish and Dawn's life was slipping away while he was here, unable to do a thing about it. He pulled desperately at his chains to no avail; he had to get out of here and stop Dru. She obviously didn't know Dawn had survived, but the others…they were in danger. Even if they had turned their backs on him he still couldn't let them die because of Dru's twisted desire to see him suffer. The door opened and he was surprised when a young female vampire walked into the room; she looked to be no more than sixteen. She was tall and slender with an almost ethereal beauty; she actually looked quite a bit like Dru except she had long, auburn hair rather than Drusilla's dark locks. She paced slowly as she examined him and he met her gaze unflinchingly.

            "Drusilla asked that I check on you while she rests; she thought you might be getting hungry." Spike stared at her then pointed out,

            "She must've turned you pretty young. What's your name?" Spike asked.

            "Sorcha, but Drusilla is not my sire; I was sired long ago. My appearance is of youth, but I would wager that I am older than you by at least two millennia."

            "Wow, I don't think I've met any as old as you. And you work for Dru?"

            "No."

            "Then what, you're mates?" The girl rolled her eyes.

            "Most assuredly not; I find that I am barely able to tolerate her and her…moods."

            "Yeah, they're a little hard to take." Spike said dryly. "If you're not the help and you're not a friend why are you here? Or am I not allowed to ask?"

            "Drusilla's desires are simple. She feels you have wronged her and she seeks revenge. The rest of us want only to be sure you are stopped and so we have facilitated your capture." Spike looked at her in surprise.

            "The _rest of you? How many of you are there?" He gazed at her, considering then said, "What is it you're trying to stop me from doing?"_

            "We are legion. We come to stop the harbinger." Spike stared at her unblinkingly.

            "Yeah. That's all very cryptic, but what the hell does it have to do with me?"

            "_You are the harbinger. It is you who will bring about the __novus ordo seclorum; this cannot come to pass."_

            "New order of the ages?" She nodded. "I'm going to bring about some new order? I doubt that," he muttered in disbelief. "How am I going to bring about this 'new order'?" he asked sarcastically.

            "We know not how, only that it will be soon unless you are dealt with. Not one among us knows what will happen if you are allowed to succeed, but we have been assured that it won't go well for any of us." She smiled serenely. "So once Drusilla has had her fun we will end your existence. We hate to lose one of our own, but Dru assures me that you want nothing to do with us anyway. You have turned your back on your people." Sorcha moved to stand in front of him.

            "You're not my people," Spike spat in disgust.

            "So be it. I only came to see if you were hungry; I could bring you someone to eat. No?" she said when he only stared at her balefully. "Oh yes, that's right. Would you like me to bring you some _thing to eat?"_

            "I want nothing from you." Sorcha smiled and put her hands on his chest, leaning forward to whisper in his ear.

            "I can see why she was so enamored with you. You are full of youthful rebellion and savage passion; it's intoxicating." She pulled back and looked at him resolutely. "Sad that you must die. We could have had fun, you and I." She patted his cheek and turned to go.

            "I doubt it; these days I prefer my women breathing and minus the pesky thirst for blood," Spike said caustically.

"That's right. So sorry about your little girlfriend. I hear she was actually rather sweet." She gave him one last smile before leaving, and Spike began pulling at his chains again.

Willow and Tara tried to wait up for Spike, but the day's events had been too much for them and they fell asleep before sunrise. Willow woke up slowly, rolling over to look at the clock. When she saw the time she sat up and grabbed the clock.

            "Tara. Tara, wake up!"

            "Hmm, what is it?" Willow put the clock down and got up to look around the apartment. "Willow? What are you doing?"

            "I don't think Spike ever came home," she called from the other room.

            "Are you sure?" she asked as Willow came back in.

            "Not a hundred percent, but he isn't here."

            "Where do you think he went?" Tara rubbed her eyes.

            "Well, he wouldn't have gone back to Dawn's; Xander and Anya are there."

            "Oh! Maybe he waited till we left and went back to the hospital!" Tara exclaimed hopefully. Willow nodded in agreement.

            "That's a possibility. I'll call Anya and see if she knows anything then we can head over to the hospital."

            "No, I don't know where he went," Anya whispered as she peeked out of the kitchen to make sure Xander wasn't listening. "He never came home?"

            "He could have come in and left again, but I doubt it. We're going to check at the hospital," Willow replied.

            "What if he's not there?"

            "Well, the options are limited. He can't be outside, and we don't know the city very well."

            "Okay. I'll meet you at the hospital, but he's probably not there; I think he would have left before daybreak otherwise he'd be stuck there all day. I know he wants to be there for Dawn, but he wouldn't want to trap himself somewhere."

            "Won't Xander get upset if you leave to look for Spike?"

            "Yeah, you're probably right. Just let me know if you find him; if he's not there…I don't know what we'll do."

            "Maybe he'll come home when the sun goes down," Willow said hopefully.

            "Maybe. Willow?"

            "What?"

            "I'm glad you guys believe him."

            "Giles does too. I guess we'll just have to find a way to convince Xander," Willow said sadly.

            "Yeah, good luck," Anya told her sarcastically. "I guess I better go." They said good-bye and hung up. She turned around to find Xander standing right behind her and let out a yelp. "You startled me!"

            "Who was that?" he asked suspiciously.

            "Oh, that? That was Willow; she wanted to know if we were, uh, going to the hospital. I told her we'd probably head up later."

            "Really?" he queried. "Cause it sounded to me like you were talking about Spike."

            "What, were you eavesdropping?" she demanded indignantly. "So? What if I _was talking about Spike; are you going to __forbid that now?" Anya glared at him. "You're the only one who doesn't trust him, you know."_

            "What are you talking about? They all agreed with me last night."

            "Apparently they're not as stubborn and close-minded as you. Willow told me they all talked and came to the conclusion that Spike would never hurt Dawn. So I guess you're all alone in your hatred and unfounded accusations," Anya said heatedly as she stormed off.

            "You're all being naïve!" he shouted at her retreating back, but she just waved a dismissive hand at him without turning around.

Spike was still working on the chains when Drusilla came back. He looked up when she entered and realized in relief that she was alone.

            "I guess you decided not to kill them after all," Spike stated.

            "Silly Spike, it's daylight; have to wait for the stars to come out. What fun we'll have! Just like old times, remember sweet William?" she asked, turning slowly with her head tipped back. "They bled while we made them scream! What times we had. You do remember, don't you? Remember when you were my beautiful, deadly boy? My wonderful savage?" She glided over towards him. Spike looked down at the floor.

            "I remember, pet. Unfortunately. But that's not who I am anymore."

            "No," she agreed sadly. "Now you're just their pet. Like a little whipped puppy dog. It saddens me to see you reduced to this…thing that you've become."

            "Yeah, I get it. You're sad, you're angry, you're hurt and sickened; can we just cut all the bloody melodrama because, really Dru, I don't give a damn about all your bleedin' disappointment!" Drusilla looked at him with cold eyes.

            "I don't know who you are anymore. They whisper in my head about you, but all I hear is weeping." She put her hands to her temples.

            "You know, you make less sense every time I see you. Could we just get on with you killing me?"

            "You know that's not how it works. Patience, your time will come." She turned to go. "The others say you bring death to us."

            "So I hear."

            "Naughty," she whispered as she closed the door.

Anya and Xander didn't talk much the rest of the day; they couldn't seem to get past the argument. Xander couldn't even admit the _possibility that he might be wrong, and Anya was so disappointed in his behavior that she could barely look at him. Giles, Willow, and Tara were already at the hospital when the two of them arrived later. Anya headed straight for Willow as soon as they walked in the door._

            "You never called; I was worried."

            "He wasn't here and he never showed up at the apartment. I didn't call because I thought he might show up here after sunset. No sign of him yet." Willow peered over Anya's shoulder. "Xander still on the warpath?" Anya sighed as they sat down.

            "Unfortunately, yes. He got all upset because I was talking about Spike with you. We haven't spoken to each other much today," Anya said quietly as her eyes grew watery. Tara took her hand comfortingly.

            "Hey, I'm sure he'll come around."

            "What if he doesn't?" Anya inquired bleakly. "What does that say about him? When I was a demon I caused every bit as much suffering as Spike did in his day and for many more years. I have to wonder if deep down Xander feels this way about me. If he was able to turn on Spike so quickly what's to stop him from turning on me?"

            "But Xander doesn't think of you as a demon. You're human now, and he loves you. He would never turn on you," Willow assured her.

            "I'm not so sure of that anymore. Seeing such deep-seated hatred after thinking he and Spike were finally friends…it's all just a little too much for me." Anya watched Xander somberly then shook herself slightly. "So do we know anything more about Dawn's condition?"

            "Giles went to see if he could find somebody who can fill us in," Tara replied and almost immediately Giles appeared.

            "The nurse says he'll be right out to speak with us," he explained.

            "Good; more waiting!" Xander said, pacing nervously. They all stood a few minutes later when the doctor came in. "How is she?"

            "Is there any progress?" Giles demanded.

            "Well, there was no permanent organ damage and she seems to be recovering nicely, but…" he hesitated.

            "But what?" Anya questioned fearfully.

            "But she still hasn't regained consciousness, and frankly we're baffled."

            "Baffled?" Xander repeated in surprise.

            "Yes. There is absolutely no physical reason why she shouldn't be awake and alert, and yet she remains…comatose."

            "So you don't know when she'll wake up?" Willow was puzzled.

            'No, because she shouldn't even be out in the first place. You can come in and see her if you like; it might help her to hear familiar voices." They all glanced at each other then followed the doctor to her room. He opened the door for them, but then left so they could have a little privacy. They took turns talking to Dawn, telling her how much they missed her. When they were through they stood around for awhile talking to each other until they ran out of positive upbeat things to talk about and filed back out to the waiting room.

_            "I hear them; they want me to come back."_

_            "It isn't time yet; things are…incomplete."_

_            "I know. I just wish I could reassure them"._

_            "They will know soon enough. The time is close at hand."_

_            "Yes. Soon it will begin."_

Anya and Xander drove to Dawn's wordlessly; it was becoming a habit, the silence. Xander glanced at her as he drove.

            "Are we not talking at all now?" he asked.

            "I don't know; do you have anything new to say?" Anya replied acerbically.

            "I'm not going to just suddenly agree with you if that's what you're hoping," he told her angrily. Anya turned away in disappointment.

            "Then I guess there really isn't much to say." Xander sighed in frustration.

            "Can't we just agree to disagree and move on?"

            "I don't see how. This is a very fundamental issue for me. I don't see how I can trust you when you have such open animosity towards anything to do with demons. If you can just set aside eight years of knowledge about a person in a split second and come to a conclusion about that person that is based solely on racism and bigotry then you aren't the man I thought you were. I don't know how I'm supposed to "move on" from that." Anya looked at him sadly. "Do you?" Xander just turned to watch the road; he knew there was nothing he could say.

When they got home they watched television for awhile although nothing really held their interest. Anya had a craving for Chinese food and decided it was a good excuse to escape the silent house and the tension that now existed between her and Xander. She asked what he wanted to eat and then left quickly to pick it up. She shut the door and breathed a sigh of relief before heading slowly to the car. She was unlocking the door when an arm went around her throat and a hand covered her mouth. She struggled desperately, but her air supply was being cut off and she was fading rapidly towards unconsciousness. Just before she blacked out she heard a soft voice saying,

            "Shh, little girl. What a lovely present you'll be! Such a pretty flower screaming, but no one will hear you." Anya whimpered in fear and then slid slowly into darkness as Drusilla giggled happily.

TBC

_Hope you like it; I'll try to get the next chapter up soon._


	16. Out of Darkness

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Reviews: I just have to thank everyone again for all the wonderful reviews; you guys really keep me going!

Out of Darkness

Cold. That was the first thing she noticed followed quickly by the realization that she couldn't move. Her thoughts were fuzzy and she seemed unable to open her eyes; she wondered if she'd been drugged. She could hear someone speaking. They sounded far away and she couldn't understand what they were saying. _Where am I? she wondered feeling the beginnings of hysteria. She couldn't remember anything after leaving Dawn's apartment; what had happened?_

            "Anya! Anya, you have to wake up!" A pause. "Wake up!" She could understand the words now, but she didn't know where or who they came from. She struggled through the haze in her mind, trying to open her eyes. "Anya? Can you hear me? Anya!" She managed to pry her eyes open even though they felt like tiny lead weights. She lay there for a moment taking in her surroundings. Cold, dark, and vaguely resembling a dungeon; it raised her panic level even higher than before.  Then she heard the voice again, calling her name. The effects of whatever she had been given seemed to be wearing off slightly; she turned her head very carefully, but everything still swam together alarmingly. As her vision cleared she could make out the shape of a man chained to the opposite wall.

            "Spike?" she asked in confusion as she tried to sit up. She was pulled to a sudden stop and became aware that she was lain out on a concrete slab with her arms and legs tied to a post at each end. She jerked her head around in panic, causing the room to tilt and sway nauseatingly. "Spike, what's going on?" she asked, her voice trembling with fear.

            "Drusilla," he spat in anger and disgust. "She and some friends grabbed me last night. She brought you in awhile ago; I'm not sure what they injected you with, but you've been out for hours. Are you alright?"

            "I feel sick and dizzy and I'm filled with a terrible, mind numbing fear, but other than that everything is just peachy," she responded sardonically. "This isn't good is it? Drusilla holding us captive? That can't be good."

            "It isn't."

            "I knew something was wrong. Willow said you didn't come home and you weren't at the hospital, but we didn't know what to do."

            "Why did anybody care?"

            "Oh, Spike. They all believe you; they just had to think it through."

            "Yeah? They _all believe me?" Anya looked away, unable to meet his eyes. "Not Xander though, right? Course not!" Spike looked at the floor, not wanting to admit he was hurt. "Drusilla is the one who attacked Dawn. Is she…okay?"_

            "Yes, the doctor said she'll be fine." Not wanting to worry him Anya decided not to tell him about Dawn's mysterious coma.

            "Thank God!"

            "Strange words from a vampire," Sorcha said from the door. She walked slowly over to examine Anya, reaching out to stroke her cheek almost tenderly. Anya twisted her head away in disgust. "And our new guest is awake. I'll inform Drusilla; she'll be happy to know she can begin." She smiled at Spike. "Of course she won't be quite as happy to learn that the girl is still alive, but I suppose she can always remedy that situation." Spike growled as she left the room without bothering to close the door.

            "Who the hell was that?" Anya asked.

            "Some vampire bitch helping Drusilla; I let her and Dru think Dawn was dead." He dropped his head back in frustration. "Now they know the truth and I'm stuck here, unable to protect her." 

            "What is it that Dru is going to be happy to begin?" Spike looked at her, sadness and pain in his eyes.

            "She wants to punish me; that's why she tried to kill Dawn." Anya looked at him puzzled until realization dawned. Her eyes widened in fear.

            "No! No," she whimpered. "She's going to use me to hurt you?" He nodded and she closed her eyes, beginning to cry. "Oh, god no."

            "I'm sorry, Anya. I'm so sorry." Drusilla spoke suddenly, neither of them having noticed her entrance,

            "How sweet! There was a time when he would have been delighting in your torment, now he offers comfort and apologies." Drusilla came to stand over Anya. "You don't think of him as a monster, but that's only because you never saw the death and destruction he was capable of." She turned and walked over to Spike. "You were a naughty boy, letting mummy think your girl was dead and gone! Sorcha says she lives."

            "I'm surprised you didn't know. You didn't _see it?" Spike goaded her. Drusilla's eyes were stormy._

            "She shrouds herself in darkness; she knows how to keep me out. It's terribly vexing. But I'll take care of her later," she said cheerfully. "Let's begin on your friend. Should I start with knives?"

            "Dru, don't do this. I'll do whatever you want just leave her and the rest of them alone."

            "What I want is for you to suffer." She smiled, taking out a dagger. "This is how I get what I want." Drusilla cut Anya's shirt open in the front and drew the knife slowly across her stomach causing Anya to cry out in pain. Dru looked up at Spike and said, "Such a wonderful sound! This one shall be very, very fun! Don't look so sad, my darling. I promise she won't die for a long, long time." Then she went back to her task causing Anya to cry out again and again while Spike pulled desperately at his restraints, tears falling from his eyes.

Xander didn't mean to, but a few minutes after Anya left he dozed off on the couch. When he woke up and saw that it was morning he was upset that Anya hadn't woken him to come to bed. _She must still be angry, he thought. He made breakfast, hoping to make peace, but when he went to wake her up he saw that she hadn't come home the night before. He paced the living room, at first concerned and then angry as he grabbed the phone and dialed Spike's number hoping Willow answered so he wouldn't have to deal with Spike. Luckily she did._

            "Hey Will. Is Anya over there with you guys? She said she was going to get some food last night, but she didn't come home and I started thinking maybe it had just been an excuse to get out of the house. I thought she might have come by to see you or, uh, Spike."

            "She's not here Xander; neither is Spike. Nobody's seen him since you guys had the fight at the hospital," Willow said.

            "Yeah, I'm not really all that concerned with the evil guy's whereabouts, Will; I just want to find Anya." Xander was upset that Willow seemed worried about Spike.

            "Well, maybe that attitude is exactly why Anya left!" Willow replied.

            "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

            "Come on, Xander! You accuse Spike of doing this horrible thing to Dawn, and act like Anya is betraying you by disagreeing; I'm just saying that it's been hard on her. She thinks you could turn on her the way you turned on Spike."

            "I didn't _turn on anyone! I came to a logical conclusion."_

            "You're the only one who thinks it's logical. And Anya is concerned because of her status as a former evildoer."

            "So, what does that have to do with anything?"

            "You think about it for awhile. Try to see things from her perspective; I'm sure you'll figure it out," Willow sighed. "I don't know where she went Xander. Maybe she went back up to the hospital to wait for him to show up; she seemed worried earlier."

            "I don't know why; he can take care of himself."

"She probably figured he wasn't in the right frame of mind to keep out of trouble. The woman he loves almost dies, and then the guy he probably thought was his best friend accuses him of doing it. I'm thinking his survival instincts are pretty low about now."

"Give me a break, Will. I doubt he even considered me a friend, and it's not like I accused him of something he hasn't done in the past."

"Whatever, I don't feel like arguing about it," Willow said in frustration.

"Okay, okay. I gotta go find her anyway," Xander replied. Then he burst out, "Aw, dammit!"

            "What?"

            "She's got the car; I'll have to call a cab." Willow looked at the clock.

            "I could come pick you up if you want."

            "That would be great," Xander said in appreciation.

            "I'll be over in a little while," Willow told him. "But I don't want to listen to any Spike bashing alright?" Xander didn't say anything. "_Alright?"_

            "Fine. I'll see you soon." About twenty minutes later there was a knock on the door and Xander rushed to answer it. "Hey, Will."

            "Hey, I guess she decided to come home."

            "What are you talking about?"

            "Anya. She came home, right?"

            "Why would you think that?" Xander asked.

            "The car is out front." Willow's eyes widened. "You mean, the car is here, but she isn't?"

            "The car is _here?" Willow nodded and Xander followed her outside in disbelief. He saw the rental car sitting right where they had parked it when they got home the night before. He rushed over and as he got closer he noticed something on the ground beside it. "What is that?" Willow came up beside him and saw something shiny; she leaned down and picked it up and they both realized what it was._

            "The keys!"

            "She didn't go anywhere," Xander said as he collapsed against the car. "She was taken."

They all sat around Dawn's living room in silence. They had called the police, but other than that no one knew what to do. Xander had been sprawled on the couch for quite awhile just staring at the ceiling. Suddenly he leaned forward and ran his hands over his face.

            "How could I have let this happen? I should have gone with her," he said guiltily.

            "I don't know; they probably would have just taken you too," Tara said. "First the attack on Dawn, then Spike goes missing, and now Anya; it can't be a coincidence."

            "You think Spike did something to Anya, too?" Xander asked. Willow looked over at him in disbelief.

            "That's not what she meant!" Tara gave Willow a calming smile then turned to Xander.

            "I don't think Spike hurt Anya _or Dawn. I do think it's all connected, but what I meant is that whoever hurt Dawn is probably the same person or…whatever who took Anya. And I think they may have done something to Spike as well."_

            "I still think-" Xander started to say, but Willow interrupted,

            "We all know what you think, Xander, but if you want to find Anya you're going to have to try to keep an open mind." Xander looked angrily at the floor.

"Fine; I'll play along. For now." 

"Right then; here's what we do," Giles said, stepping forward and taking charge.

She didn't know if she could take much more. Drusilla had grown bored of cutting her about an hour ago; she had moved on to a cattle prod. She would touch it to various parts of Anya's body, delighting in the crackle of electricity and the agonized scream that followed. Anya blacked out often, but Dru would just wait until she woke up and begin again. At first Spike begged and pleaded with Drusilla to stop, but that only seemed to spur her on so he had stopped asking, knowing every word he spoke caused Anya more pain. Every time she cried out Drusilla would taunt Spike and remind him of when he used to enjoy this kind of thing; it made him sick to his stomach. No wonder Xander hated him so much; watching Dru was like looking at his past, the things he had done…he knew he didn't deserve forgiveness. Dawn, Anya, none of them deserved to be hurt because of what he was, but he was powerless to protect any of them.

At the hospital a nurse came in to change Dawn's bed and readjust her position. She had gotten Dawn tucked comfortably into nice clean sheets and was getting ready to go when she glanced down to find the girl silently watching her and gasped in surprise.

            "You're awake!" Dawn nodded and the nurse stood motionless for a moment, unsure of what to do, before saying, "I'll get the doctor."

            "No." The nurse turned to look at her. "Could you please remove all…this?" she asked, gesturing to the IV and the machines she was hooked up to.

            "Oh. Oh, yes." The nurse came over to do as she asked. When she was finished she smiled and said, "There, is that better?" Dawn nodded again and the nurse moved towards the door.

            "I have to leave."

            "The doctor will need to check you over and then we'll see."

            "No. I need to leave now." The nurse turned to see Dawn throw back the covers.

            "Be careful; you're bound to be a little…weak," her voice trailed off as Dawn climbed from the bed and rose, unfaltering, to her feet.

            "I'm sorry, but I really have to leave. Now." The nurse watched her nervously and then peered into the hall saying,

            "I really should get the doctor." She looked back towards the bed, but the girl was gone. "What the…? Oh my god!" She had completely disappeared; the startled nurse rushed to tell the doctor.

            "Are you sure that's what we should do?" Xander asked.

            "It's really the only thing I can think of. I mean we don't have much to work with so it's going to take some time." Giles removed his glasses and rubbed his forehead wearily. "I really think this is the best place to begin." The phone rang, startling them. They looked at each other and Willow said,

            "I'll get it; maybe it's good news. Hello?" They were all quiet while she talked. "Yes?" A pause and then she smiled happily. "Really, that's great! Oh." Her expression grew puzzled. "What?" She looked at the others while she listened to someone on the other end. "Okay, yes, thank you for calling. Good-bye." She turned and hung up, but stood motionless, staring at the wall.

            "Will?" Xander said worriedly. "Who was it; is everything okay?"

            "It's Dawn. She woke up." Giles put a hand on her shoulder.

            "You don't sound like this is good news. Is she alright?"

            "She's gone."

            "What?!" Xander exploded. Willow turned to face them.

            "The nurse turned her back for a second and when she looked again she was just…gone. They don't know how she left or where she went."

            "I'm here." They all spun around and Xander let out a yelp as Dawn walked out of the bedroom. They all stared at her in shock.

Anya lay sobbing as Dru finally took a break from her constant torment. Her body was bruised and bloodied and she was hanging on the precipice of a complete mental breakdown. Her thoughts turned to Xander and she considered that she might never see him again, might never hold him again and she was filled with overwhelming despair. She glanced at Spike; he refused to feed on anything they brought him and, while Drusilla hadn't inflicted any physical pain upon him, Anya knew she must consider his mental torment quite a success. She had never seen Spike look so…destroyed. He had been devastated when Dawn was attacked, but this, this was different; there was a sense of hopelessness about him that was beyond frightening.

            "Spike? Are you okay?" Her voice was hoarse, barely louder than a whisper. He looked at her, his eyes bleak, and smiled bitterly.

            "Listen to you, over there worrying about me when you're the one in pain. Don't bother; I'll be fine. How are you?" Anya bit back a sob and the hysterical laughter that threatened to start at any moment.

            "I don't know how much more I can take. The pain…it's excruciating. I'm still bleeding from most of the places she cut me, and I don't think the electricity she's shooting into me is doing me any kind of good; every nerve ending feels like it's on fire. Why did she stop?" she asked curiously. Spike looked away.

            "Are you sure you want to know?"

            "Just tell me."

            "The human body is fragile. She doesn't want to kill you; she wants to make sure you'll be around for awhile. She's letting you rest so you won't die before she's…done with you." Anya closed her eyes as more tears fell and Spike whispered,

            "I'm so sorry. If I could get free and kill her I would, but these chains show no sign of weakening. I don't know what to do."

            "It's okay," Anya said her voice breaking. "At least I know I have some time before she starts again."

In another part of the building that Spike and Anya were being kept in Sorcha sat with two other vampires. What they were telling her was impossible; they had planned everything down to the last detail; there was no way it could all be falling apart now.

            "What you are saying makes no sense!" Sorcha raged. "We have him chained up down below; there is no way he could have done anything."

            "Perhaps it had already been done before we even took him," said one.

            "That is true; we were not told when it would occur," responded the other.

            "Then this has all been for nothing? All we have worked for, gone?" Sorcha demanded.

            "I do not know what else to tell you; the prophets have spoken." Sorcha stood and paced around the room as she spoke angrily,

            "The prophets! They foresee our end, but know not how to stop it. Why do we bother with them?" The other two remained silent, knowing it was unwise to speak when she was in a rage. She said nothing for a long, long time as she continued to pace and then she sat down at the table calmly, saying, "So then, it has begun."

TBC

_Hey, sorry it took so long to get this out. I was sick a couple days so I didn't get to work on it. Hope you like it._


	17. The Light

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

A/N:  In the earlier chapters I focused mainly on developing the S/D relationship. While their romance is still at the heart of the story they needed to start actually fighting the bad guys so I hope everyone likes the direction the story has taken.

The Light

Dawn watched them all uncertainly; their expressions were a mixture of awe and confusion. She hadn't meant to frighten them. The only thing on her mind had been getting to them as fast as possible; she had forgotten that they didn't know yet.

            "Holy crap!" Xander blurted out.

"Oh…my god!" Willow whispered, shaking her head in confusion. "What…how…?" Tara stepped forward.

"How did you get here?" she asked quietly.

"There's not a lot of time to explain, but I'm okay. I hated worrying you; I wanted to come back to you sooner but I needed the time to complete the metamorphosis." She smiled serenely. "I'm not afraid of what I am anymore, and I got the answers I was searching for." Giles looked surprised.

"Did you say _metamorphosis?"_

"I guess that's what you would call it. I changed. Well, I finished changing; I've been in the process of changing for awhile. It's the reason I knew all those things, and Anya was right; it is good." She turned to look at Xander. "I know what you think about Spike, but you're wrong. He would never hurt me or Anya; he'd never hurt any of us. It was Drusilla's way of punishing him; she wanted it to look like he did it." Xander stared at her as his eyes widened in understanding; he sat down hard on the arm of the couch. As he thought about the things he had said and done he felt sick to his stomach; Spike would never forgive him. He looked at Dawn, guilt and shame etched on his face.

"I am such an ass." Willow smiled sadly and patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"Maybe you can talk to him, try to apologize." Xander stared at the floor doubtfully and Giles said,

"I'd like to hear more about this change that occurred; what exactly does it mean? What happened?"

"I'll explain everything later, but right now we have to get to Spike and Anya; she's in great pain and Spike is growing weak; we've got to get them out of there."

"You know where they are?" Tara queried.

"Drusilla and some others are holding them in a place across town."

"How do you know all of this?" Xander asked in amazement.

"I know a lot of things now, old things, new things; it's all just…there." Dawn shrugged her shoulders and they looked at her in awe again. "Don't start acting all freaky though; I'm not much different than before. I'm still me." Xander stood and said,

"Alright, we can take the rental car; just tell me where we're going." They all looked at Dawn expectantly and she cleared her throat before responding.

"I, uh, I actually have a quicker way to get there; it's how I got here from the hospital. I think I can take all of you with me, but it might be a little…disorienting for you, especially this first time. We'll need to join hands, and make sure you hold on tight. I don't want to lose anybody." They looked at each other nervously and Dawn smiled weakly. "Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood." They all joined hands in a circle, none of them sure of what was about to happen. Dawn closed her eyes and whispered, "_Peragro." There was a blinding flash of light melting into an eternity of nothingness in which time seemed suspended. Then everything moved faster and faster until they found themselves standing in a different room still facing each other in the circle. Dawn, clearly unaffected, turned quickly to search for Spike and Anya while the others stumbled to the ground feeling sick and dizzy._

She saw Spike first; he didn't look like he'd been hurt but he was unconscious, maybe sleeping. In all the time she had known him he'd always been so full of life, even without breath or pulse but now, for the first time, he seemed truly dead. It frightened her.

"Spike," she whispered. His eyelids fluttered and he slowly raised his head. He looked at her unblinkingly for a long time then let out a harsh laugh, muttering,

"Great. Now I'm bloody hallucinating." As tears came to his eyes he closed them tightly trying to block out Dawn's image.

"You're not hallucinating." She took his face in her hands and pressed her lips to his. "I'm here, I'm real, and I came for you. I would never leave you, not in a million lifetimes." Spike opened his eyes and looked at her in astonishment. She reached up to the chains and suddenly his arms were free. He pulled her close, hugging her tightly, his voice unsteady.

"You're alive! You're here and you're alive. You don't know how scared I was when I found you like that; you were so still. I thought…I thought I would never hold you again. I thought…"

"Shh," Dawn said pressing her hand against his mouth. "Everything is okay now." They kissed again and then she pulled back. "We have to get out of here." She kneeled down and freed his legs.

"Where did you get the key?" She stood and kissed him once more before saying quietly,

"I don't have a key." He looked puzzled, but before she could explain they heard Xander calling for Dawn. When he had started to recover from the trip he had seen Anya and crawled to her side. He stared at her abused body in horror before saying,

"God, Dawn, look at her! We have to get her to a hospital."

Dawn turned to look at Anya; Xander had untied her, but she was in too much pain to move and she didn't seem to be aware of what was going on. Xander moved aside as Dawn knelt down by her and put her palm to Anya's cheek.

"Anya? I'm going to help you, okay?" Anya blinked and nodded almost imperceptibly. Dawn leaned down to kiss her forehead and then took her hand. The others watched as Dawn closed her eyes and bowed her head. A low hum could be heard throughout the room and a peculiar green light glowed underneath Dawn's palm then slowly moved out over Anya's body. They watched in amazement as cuts began to close and bruises disappeared; soon the light dissipated and Anya moved slightly, testing her muscles. When there was no sign of discomfort she sat up, gathering her tattered shirt around her as best she could, and turned to Dawn.

"What…What did you do?" she asked reverently.

"I can't remove the memory; that's part of you now, part of who you are, but I hope I was able to ease the physical pain." Tears came to Anya's eyes and she pulled Dawn into an embrace. Dawn clung to her, filled with sadness that her friend had gone through something so awful. They parted and Anya said,

"I don't know how you did this, but the pain, it's just…gone. Thank you, thank you so much." It was then that Anya noticed Xander standing off to the side. As she rushed into his arms a sob broke free and he held her tightly while she cried.

"We really need to get out of here," Dawn said as she eyed the door. Spike took her hand, asking,

"How did all of you get in?" Xander shrugged.

"We're still not really sure; Dawn brought us…somehow; it was all very confusing." He walked over to Spike, still holding Anya pressed tight to his side. "I know nothing I say can ever change what I did but, for what it's worth, I am truly sorry." Spike stared at him stonily for a long time before nodding, but he offered no words of forgiveness. Dawn started to gather them into a circle, but before they could leave the door banged open and Drusilla came in followed by two other vamps.

"Well, well, look who showed up for the party! And without their invitations; shame on you." She smiled at them, her eyes flashing with deadly intent.

"You won't stop us, you know. And I won't let you hurt any of them," Dawn stated as she stepped in front of the others. Spike put his hand on her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" he asked fearfully. She turned to smile at him and he saw her eyes flash green before she whispered,

"Don't worry; everything will be okay." Drusilla walked towards them, a smug expression on her face.

"I beat you once little girl. It shouldn't be too hard to do again." Dawn casually held her hand up and Dru jerked to a halt. She looked surprised at first, but as she struggled unsuccessfully to move her expression turned angry.

"What did you do little one?"

"You consider me a child, an unworthy opponent, but you are sadly mistaken. This body may be young, but I am older than time itself; I know things you couldn't even _begin to comprehend. You're out of your league here, Drusilla, so __back off." She lowered her hand and Dru dropped to the floor like a puppet whose strings had suddenly been cut. Dawn held her other hand out as thought reaching for something. "__Accio!" One of the other vampires glided across the room, coming to rest with his throat in her grasp. Dawn looked at him knowingly. "You don't work for her, do you? Tell your __real mistress that I'll be coming for her and the others working with her. Tell her she can't hide from me, none of you can." She smiled as she let him go and stepped back. "This is __far from over." She turned quickly gathering her friends together. There was another dizzying trip and they found themselves back in Dawn's living room where they all collapsed onto the couch and chairs. As they began to feel slightly less sick everyone looked at Dawn. She dropped down next to Spike, who put his arm around her before saying,_

"What the bleedin' hell was _that?!" Dawn glanced around at her loved ones and knew it was time for some explanations._

Sorcha paced the room watching as Drusilla huddled in the corner. She was so useless, babbling like an idiot, spouting nonsensical crap! What had ever made her think it was good idea to work with this nutcase? They should have just taken Spike on their own; it would have taken longer to find him, but Sorcha wouldn't have had to listen to Drusilla's insane ramblings every day.

"Everything spinning, twisting; she brings light from the darkness. Couldn't move, couldn't move!" Drusilla whined as she clutched her head. "It's crawling inside my head like a tiny little bug."

"What is _wrong with her?" Sorcha demanded._

"We're not sure; she's been like this since it happened," a male vampire named Brigham replied.

"And what exactly _did happen? I'm still a little unclear on the matter; how is it Spike and his little friend were able to escape?"_

"There was a girl, she was…unusual. Drusilla tried to stop them, but the girl did something to her. Amir flew right through the air at her bidding!" He said excitedly, his eyes shining with admiration, but one disapproving look from Sorcha and he quickly composed himself. "Before they disappeared she…told him to give you a message for her."

"Well, Amir isn't here at the moment so why don't you pass it along yourself, hmm?"

"She said she's coming back for you, that none of us can hide from her." Sorcha spun on him.

"So this…girl, she's going to destroy us? I thought Spike was going to do that. How are we supposed to do what is needed when we have faulty information? Are the prophets good for absolutely _nothing?!" She shouted angrily._

"He changed her; they're part of one now. He turned the key!" Drusilla giggled madly as she said in a silly singsong, "The mouse has married the bumblebee." Her face filled with wonder and she reached out to swirl her hand through the air in front of her. "Ooh, so many pretty colors! They're all around me, can't you see them?" Sorcha shook her head in frustration.

"Could somebody please shut her up!"

They decided to save the explanations until after they took Anya to the hospital. Dawn was fairly certain that there wouldn't be any complications, but since she had never healed anyone before she figured it was better to be safe than sorry. It wasn't quite sunset yet so Dawn decided to wait at the house with Spike while the others went to the hospital.

"Are you sure you don't mind if I stay here?" she asked. Anya hugged her tightly.

"Of course I don't mind; I'm just glad we have you back and that you were able to get us out of there." She glanced over to where Spike sat. "Besides I think Spike is going to need someone to talk to. This whole thing has been hard on both of us; he may not have been hurt physically, but I think Drusilla really got to him. He feels responsible for everything." Xander came over and Anya leaned into him. "And I want to know all about this…change you went through when I get home; that was some amazing stuff you did today." Tears came to their eyes as they looked at each other. "I'm just so glad you're alright!" They embraced again, both crying. Dawn whispered,

"I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner; I am so, so sorry."

"That's not your fault! You're the reason I'm even able to move right now." She smiled tearfully. "We'll talk more when I get back. Come on Xander, let's get this over with." They all filed out to the car and Dawn and Spike were left alone. They faced each other across the living room for a long silent moment before rushing to meet in the middle. Spike pulled her into his arms and they kissed desperately, trying to touch each other everywhere at once.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in so long," Spike spoke in between kisses. "I'm sorry that she hurt you; I should have been here. I should have stopped her."

"It's not your fault; you couldn't have known." She ran her hands down his back.

"But if you hadn't made it, if you had d-" She halted the words with a kiss.

"But I did make it. What she tried to do? It didn't work. She failed and I came back to you. I'm not going anywhere." She leaned her forehead against his. "Make love to me. Please." He brushed her hair back from her face and gazed at her adoringly before leaning closer to take her mouth in a slow gentle kiss. It was long and lazy, seeming to last forever. Dawn clung to him, pouring all her love and desire into that one kiss. She pulled back breathlessly to look at him, and took his hand with a smile, leading him into the bedroom. They undressed each other slowly enjoying the quiet intimacy. She climbed onto the bed pulling him after her, a seductive glint in her eye, and he went eagerly. He leaned over her tracing shapes onto her skin with his fingertips and she shivered with desire. She leaned up to touch his lips teasingly with her own, advancing and retreating as she slid her hands up his chest and around his shoulders. He caught her to him fiercely before trailing kisses down her body, worshipping her with his intimate caress, driving Dawn's need higher and higher until she felt as though she were on fire. He moved back up and their mouths met again, their hands seeking, touching wherever they could. The energy and passion between them seemed to take on a life of its own as they were both inundated with sensation, becoming desperate for release. Their eyes met as Spike moved inside her, slow at first and then faster as desire reached a fever pitch. Dawn cried out as everything inside her tightened briefly before flying apart. As Spike watched, her eyes began to glow that same incandescent green that he had seen earlier, then she leaned forward to kiss him. The sensation that pulsed suddenly through his body pushed him over the edge and into an intense release of his own, so intense that his features shifted and changed before he was even aware of it happening. Dawn continued to kiss him afterwards and soon his human visage slid back into place. He pulled back slightly and asked in confusion,

"What _was that?" Dawn smiled and shrugged._

"An added bonus."

"Of what?"

"My change. Us. It's just something that happens inside me when we're together. It's intense, huh?"

"You feel like that because of this change you went through?"

"I've always felt it, but now you can too. You can feel what you do to me." Spike looked at her in wonder, love shining in his eyes.

"You are so amazing," he said. "The way you make me feel, the way you've always made me feel; it's so powerful. Every time I see you, every time we touch I'm just…overwhelmed by emotion. I didn't think I would ever get to touch you again." He closed his eyes in remembered anguish and when he spoke she could barely hear him, "If I had lost you, if you hadn't…that would have been it for me. I don't think I could have lived without you." She kissed him fiercely before replying,

"Don't talk like that! If anything ever happens to me…," he looked away, unable to meet her eyes, but she turned his face back to hers. "You have to promise me that if anything ever happens to me you won't give up. You have to stay alive and keep on fighting the fight. You may not have meant for it to happen, but you're one of the good guys now. You are more than just 'us'. You can't define your existence by our relationship alone." He looked at her for a moment and then he nodded reluctantly.

"I promise." She kissed him gently.

"You're very important to the world, you know."

"Me?" She nodded and smiled.

"You have no idea."

The drive to the hospital was fairly silent. There was a general feeling of confusion and shock among them all concerning the events that had transpired and no one really knew quite what to say. Xander kept glancing worriedly at Anya who seemed to be deep in thought; he hoped she would be able to recover psychologically from what she had been through. She turned to him suddenly and said quietly,

"So, obviously, I was right about Spike." Xander had the grace to look ashamed.

"Yes, you were right." Anya stared out the window unseeingly.

"She knew. She knew that some of us would turn on him; she counted on it." Xander watched the road as he replied bitterly,

"And I played right into her trap. I didn't even have a doubt in my mind that he was guilty." He shook his head whispering, "I turned on him so easily." Anya glanced at him as he became lost in his thoughts. He looked so distraught; maybe he had learned something from all of this. Maybe there was hope for him after all.

TBC

_Sorry this took so long! I meant to get this out much sooner, but I got a little busy with some other stuff. I will explain more about Dawn's "change" in the next chapter, and I purposely left things unresolved between Spike and Xander because there's no way Spike would let him off the hook with a simple 'I'm sorry'! So, anyway, I hope you like this chapter._


	18. Balance

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

Disclaimer: I. OWN. EVERYTHING! Oh, wait a minute. I live in a little house in rural NH, and I'm female. I guess I'm not Joss Whedon after all. So…I own nothing.

Dammit.

Balance

            There was so much she wanted to tell him, but she knew if she got into it now she would just have to say everything all over again when the others got home. So she was content to just hold him and be held by him, secure in the knowledge that their love was special and everything was as it should be. She smiled as she thought about all they had gone through to get to this place, all the heartache and pain to wind up where they were always meant to be. She stroked Spike's chest lovingly and he pulled her tighter against him bringing her hand to his lips for a kiss and then placing it over his heart.

            "When I think about this whole thing, what really strikes me is that it all happened in such a short amount of time," Spike remarked. "And yet it felt like an eternity." Dawn was thoughtful before replying,

            "I'm sorry that you had to go through that, sorry you had to watch Dru hurt Anya." Spike looked at her bleakly.

            "How could you possibly love me knowing what I used to be?"

            "It's because of what you used to be that I love and admire who you are now. The fact that you have that in you but you fight against it and choose to follow the path you're on now; it's extraordinary." She leaned up to look him in the eye. "I know you did horrible, terrifying things before you got the chip, but that's not who you are anymore. And now, even without the chip, you still continue to do good." She leaned down and they kissed tenderly then she lay back down to rest against him. After awhile she said quietly, "Xander honestly feels bad about what he did; do you think you'll ever be able to forgive him?" Spike shifted uncomfortably.

            "I don't know." He caressed her back, his expression sad. "Given my past I can understand why he thought I might be capable of that, but it still hurt. He was just so bloody _eager to believe the worst. I thought we were getting past all that, starting to become friends." He shrugged. "I guess I was wrong." Dawn frowned slightly._

            "I think Xander sees things in black and white. With you and Anya he's had to learn about the grey areas and that's something he has a lot of difficulty with. I know he acted like a total dick, but I also know that he realizes that and feels awful. I hope you guys can work things out eventually. He's a good guy to have for a friend; you both are."

            "I'll think about it," Spike agreed. "It'd be kind of nice to see him grovel a bit though. Give the boy a little humility!" They both laughed and Dawn hugged him tightly.

            Anya glanced at Xander as they waited for the doctor to come back. The others had stayed in the waiting room, but she had wanted Xander there during the tests. They might have been having some problems, but he was still the person she wanted to be with when she was nervous or scared. She watched as he paced around the room in agitation.

            "Xander, calm down. Why are you so…edgy? I'm sure everything is okay; this is just a precaution." He came over and took her hand.

            "I know. I just…every time I think about how you looked when we found you, what she did to you…" He dropped his head and pulled her into his arms. "I should never have let you go by yourself that night." She touched his cheek, but before she could say anything the doctor came in.

            "Well! Everything looks fine; there seems to be no damage anywhere. What did you say happened to you?" The doctor gave them a curious look.

            "Uh, um, I was in a, uh, car accident. My friend thought I should get checked out to make sure there weren't any, uh…"

            "Internal injuries," Xander finished. "We figured it was better to be safe than sorry." They looked at each other and Anya nodded at the doctor. He eyed them suspiciously before saying,

            "No internal injuries; everything checks out fine." They thanked him and then headed out to tell Willow, Tara, and Giles. Xander took Anya's hand and said,

            "I've had about as much of this place as I can stand. Let's get the hell out of here."

            For the past few hours all Drusilla had done was sit and stare at the wall with a silly grin on her face. No babbling, no impossible to understand predictions, just a smile and silence. Sorcha was beginning to get a little concerned. That girl had done something to her and, not that she gave a damn about Dru, but the situation worried her. Whatever she had done had rendered Drusilla useless, well _more useless than before. She turned to Brigham._

            "Find out who that girl was; I'm going to see if the prophets know anything although I will be greatly surprised if they do. They haven't been of much use to us lately." She gestured to Drusilla. "And have someone do something with her; she makes my skin crawl." Then she turned and left the room. Brigham walked over to help Drusilla into the other room, but when he touched her arm she turned to him and whispered,

            "Don't worry. Soon the light will come and save us all." She smiled happily and touched his cheek. Brigham felt slightly dizzy, but recovered quickly.

            "Come on, I think you need to lie down." He led her to her bed and she snuggled into the blankets with a contented sigh. He watched her for a moment wondering if she had just been babbling nonsense again or if she had known what she was saying. He shook himself out of his reverie, flipped off the light, and left the room. After he was gone Drusilla giggled into the silence and then drifted off to sleep.

            Anya opened the front door as Spike and Dawn were emerging from the bedroom. She stopped suddenly and backed up preventing the others from coming in.

            "Are we interrupting? We can leave." Dawn grinned and waved for her to come in.

            "You're not interrupting anything; we were just talking." Anya gave her a knowing look, but kept her thoughts to herself. "You did a magnificent job; doctor said everything is as it should be. We had to make up some silly story about why I wanted the tests and I'm not sure he totally bought it. I'm pretty sure he thought we were a little nuts." Dawn smiled and asked,

            "Anybody hungry?" Most of them were so Dawn made some coffee and everyone grabbed something to snack on and settled down in the living room. Spike pulled Dawn into his lap, needing her close and she snuggled comfortably into his arms. Giles removed his glasses as he watched Dawn affectionately.

            "I think I speak for everyone when I say we're very curious about your newfound abilities. Do you feel like talking about it now?" he asked.

            "I've just been waiting for the right time." She looked around at all of them. "I'll explain the basics and then you guys can ask questions. I'll answer what I can." Anya raised her hand slightly.

            "I already have a question. When you say you'll answer what you _can, does that mean you might not know an answer or that we might not be allowed to know?" Giles looked at her in surprise._

            "Interesting question, Anya."

            "You don't have to look so shocked, _Rupert!" She said as she shot him a teasing look. Giles stumbled over his words for a moment before realizing she was joking and gave her a small smile. They all looked back at Dawn for an answer._

            "A, uh, a little bit of both, actually." She took a deep breath and then began, "The monks made me human but, at the core, the energy is what holds me together; it sustains me, keeps me alive. I was never completely transformed just…changed on a certain level. Everything around me, everything I do affects what's inside me. Before it only worked _through me; I was never able to tap into it and use it for my own purposes." She looked at Spike and brushed his cheek. "Spike changed that."_

            "Spike?" They all said in surprise.

            "Me?" Dawn kissed him tenderly on the forehead.

            "We're two halves of a whole, light and dark, perfect balance. We were always meant to be together. Spike is darkness personified; yet he chooses to fight against his nature even without the aid of a soul. He is different from all other vampires. He's special, unique. An instrument of evil fighting for good." She smiled at him lovingly before continuing. "I am the light. I have been feared and worshipped, but never understood. Throughout the ages I have been sought as a weapon of destruction, but that has never been my true purpose. When the monks made me human they were fulfilling a prophecy they weren't even aware of. My relationship with Spike, our…coming together started a change and my metamorphosis began. I became more aware, more in tune with myself and the universe. I knew things, but I wasn't yet aware of how. The process would have been slower, taken longer, but Drusilla's attack put me into a state where the process was accelerated and completed much more quickly. I'm different now; I can do things that I couldn't do before." She paused for a moment, thinking. "I can affect electrical current and energy fields, I can travel easily through this dimension and most others; I can affect bodily functions and processes, which is actually why I was able to heal Anya. I know…so many things now; it's strange." She shook her head. "Anyway, I think you get the general idea." There was silence as they took in what she had said.

            "Is that why you're so strong?" Spike asked suddenly. Dawn shook her head.

            "No, I did that with a lot of hard work and late nights at the gym."

            "What exactly is your purpose?" Giles asked, leaning forward. "You didn't say."

            "There are dark forces that have been lying in wait for many, many years, waiting for their time to rise. That time is drawing near. There will be battles fought against them, battles that won't necessarily be won. I was created to keep their domination from becoming complete." Dawn held Spike's hand tightly, her distress evident.

            "What are these dark forces? Who-?" Giles began, but Dawn held her hand up and said apologetically,

            "I've told you all that I can; I'm sorry." Giles looked worried. Willow looked up, a question in her eyes.

"Can you do magic?" she asked.

            "Not really. I can manipulate my surroundings, but technically it isn't magic. It has more to do with what I am and how that influences things. But I do know a lot _about magic, some spells you could probably use."_

"You can travel through other dimensions?" Anya repeated in astonishment.

            "Yes, courtesy of my "keyness". I don't tear down the walls now; I go right through them."

            They decided to all stay together at Dawn's; no one wanted to be by themselves after everything that had happened. Everyone was still reeling slightly from all that Dawn had told them. Living on the Hellmouth the unusual had become mundane, but the supernatural still took a little getting used to at times, especially when it involved one of their own. They wondered what would happen next.

            The prophets, as expected, were fairly useless. They spouted a lot of mumbo jumbo about the end drawing near and battles that needed to be fought, but nothing about where to find the girl or how to stop her. Sorcha left them to see if Brigham had found anything out. She looked all around and finally found him in Drusilla's room. She was asleep while he sat quietly in the corner.

            "What the hell are you doing?" she demanded. He turned slowly and looked at her, a dazed look in his eyes.

            "It's coming," he replied. She stared at him in confusion.

            "What?"

            "It's coming."

            "What's coming?"

            "It wants to set us free." Sorcha glanced at Dru and then at Brigham before putting her hands to her head.

            "Don't do this Brigham." He smiled at her. "What did she do to you?"

            "She showed me the way," he replied happily. Sorcha growled in frustration before storming out of the room and slamming the door. What the hell was going on? Had whatever was wrong with Dru begun to spread? Would it happen to her too? She had to keep everyone away from the two grinning idiots and figure out what was going on. That damn girl; she couldn't wait to kill her and be done with it.

            Dawn lay with her back pressed against Spike, his arm draped casually across her waist. She was really tired, but she was finding it extremely difficult to get to sleep. She felt Spike shift behind her and then he said softly,

            "Are you awake?"

            "Yeah. You can't sleep either?" He shook his head.

            "I don't know why; I'm bloody exhausted!" He snuggled closer to her and lightly stroked her arm with his fingertips. "What's it like?"

            "What?" she asked.

            "All that knowledge floating around inside your mind; does it seem strange?"

            "It's different, but not really in a bad way. At times it gives me a sense of peace; it's kind of nice to finally understand my place in the world." He smiled and kissed the top of her head.

            "Was there really ever any doubt that you were something special?" She hugged his arm in appreciation. "You know Dru won't let this go, right? She'll keep coming after all of you."

            "I'm not worried about Drusilla; she shouldn't be too hard to handle. There is another one, much older, that's going to be a problem. We're going to have to fight her and she's very strong."

            "Tell me about her," Spike said.

            "She was young when she was turned, but she was already a great Celtic warrior. She's only grown more powerful, on a lot of levels, over time." She turned toward him. "You met her."

            "Sorcha?" he asked and she nodded.

            "She's slaughtered millions and millions of people," she gazed up at him, sadness in her eyes. "The way she looks has served her well over the years; her appearance is very deceptive; young, beautiful, helpless, they instinctively trust her." Spike pulled her into his chest and nuzzled his cheek comfortingly against her hair. "She wants me dead; she's searching for us right now." They were both silent as they thought about what was to come; Spike wondered if they were ready. He held tight to Dawn, knowing it was possible that before all this was over he might lose her.

            Spike's little girlfriend. That's who had caused the trouble. Sorcha felt foolish for not figuring it out sooner; it made such perfect sense. Although she still didn't know what she had done to Dru or how it had passed to Brigham. It wouldn't take long to track her down, but there was no way she'd be able to get to her in her home. She and all her friends would be on high alert now, plus Spike and the other girl had seen her and knew who she was. _I'll have to make them come to me, she thought with a smile. She walked up the stairs to her room; she knew __exactly what she would need._

TBC

_Here's another chapter; I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for the great reiews._


	19. A Brief Respite

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

A Brief Respite

With the continuing threat of an attack hanging over their heads they all felt they should put off the trip home for awhile. No one knew how long they would be staying, but they agreed that they should stick together. Giles continued to have questions for Dawn, many of them she couldn't answer, but he persisted nonetheless. She told him what she knew about Sorcha and he researched her background further, hoping to find something useful.

Anya had a lot of bad dreams and would wake up screaming some nights. Giles thought she should get some professional counseling, but she didn't feel ready to talk to a stranger about her ordeal yet. She talked to Xander and Dawn a lot and while it was cathartic for her to talk about what she had gone through they both knew there was only so much they could do to help her heal.

Dawn found it comforting to get back into her regular schedule at the club. Spike was there every night and the whole experience of being with him had a new intensity. Their connection was stronger than ever now; the energy between them pulsating with life. She could feel each of his emotions as they slid through him, sharp and clear as if they were her own. It was strange this new element to their relationship; everything was magnified about a hundred times, new and yet familiar at the same time. She had never felt so close to someone before in her life.

Spike found everything Dawn did and said endlessly fascinating. He had always considered her intelligent and loved being with her, but the wisdom she had displayed since her change was amazing and their whole relationship seemed to be supercharged. When they were together they were so in tune with each other that it was like they were one person. He loved her more every day.

"I want to do something fun," Dawn said suddenly as they lay in bed one night. Spike chuckled as he rolled from his back to his side and stroked her thigh teasingly.

"I thought that's what we did a little while ago, luv." Dawn smiled as his hand inched higher.

"I _meant something fun __out of bed, Spike! Although," she said as she rolled towards him, "the 'in' bed fun is always amazing." She touched her lips to his softly, her body filling with familiar heat again. He pulled her closer as he deepened the kiss gently, his mouth moving hungrily. He pulled back slightly to ask,_

"So what did you have in mind?"

"Hmm?" she said distractedly drawing an amused smile from him.

"This out of bed fun you spoke of, what did you have in mind? Or should I just continue with the fun at hand?" He stroked his palm down her back and she shivered.

"I want to finish what I was saying first." He kissed the spot behind her ear.

"Are you sure you don't want finish what you were saying," he nipped at the side of her neck, "after?" Dawn moaned, pulling him closer.

"You never play fair," she pouted. He leaned up and smiled.

"And you love it." She grinned as she twined her arms around his neck.

"You know me so well." She bent her knee and ran her foot along the back of his calf, pressing her thigh close against his hip, and the air practically sizzled with electricity. "Isn't it amazing, what happens when we touch?" He growled as his mouth moved against her skin trailing slowly down her body. Her back arched as he cupped her breast, taking her into his mouth and she pressed her hips eagerly into his. His hand dropped from her breast to gently caress her stomach then slowly moved lower to where she was burning for his touch. She moaned over and over as he brought her to a shuddering climax with a few quick strokes. He smiled at how ready she had been and slid slowly into her before the tremors had even subsided. Her breath caught and she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist as he started to move and the pressure began to build again. He stroked his fingertips slowly up her arms until he got to her hands. Clasping them gently he moved them from around his neck and held them pressed loosely into the pillows next to her head. She met his eyes with a small smile as she lifted her hips to meet his. He leaned down to kiss her and she bit his lip gently; he grinned and took her mouth with a passionate ferocity that stole her breath. He moved inside her, fanning the flames that licked across every inch of her skin, her nerve endings screaming with sensation that hovered somewhere between pleasure and pain. She kissed him back, hard and deep, fueled by an almost insatiable hunger. The kiss went on and on and they melted into it helplessly, heading slowly over the edge. As the energy arced between them Spike let go of her hands and they clung to each other as their bodies were rocked by wave after wave of sensation. Everything spun around them and it seemed like an eternity before they were even able to speak.

"God! That just gets more intense every single time," Dawn said as she lay wrapped around him. "Seriously, one of these times I'm just going to shatter into a million little pieces."

"Did we _go somewhere that time? Cause the room got all weird and I swear we were someplace else!" Spike insisted. Dawn waved her hand wearily before replying,_

"It's a possibility. They didn't go into great detail about what would happen during sex."

"They?" Spike asked curiously.

"When I was in the coma and _all was revealed," Dawn answered saying the last few words dramatically before giggling._

"Did they happen to mention anything about sex making you silly?" Spike asked jokingly. "Oh, wait, you were like that before!" Dawn laughed and shoved his shoulder weakly. They lay there holding each other quietly as their strength slowly returned. Spike gently kissed her jaw as he rolled to the side and pulled her against him. He took a deep, unneeded breath trying to clear his mind from the haze that always followed making love to her. "What the hell were we even talking about?"

"I believe the topic was fun," Dawn said sleepily.

"That's right. What was it you were wanting to do, sweet?" Spike brushed her cheek with the backs of his fingers then tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

"I want to go out on a date. You know, get all dressed up and fancy?" Dawn smiled up him in anticipation. "We haven't had a night out in awhile. You could get all handsome and dashing, and I could wear one of those tight little dresses you love so much; it'll be great."

"Definitely a fan of the tight dress," Spike agreed. "And I always love stripping them off of you when the evening is through."

"So is that a yes?" Dawn asked eagerly.

"You know I never say no to anything that makes you happy; of course we can go out. Maybe dinner and dancing." Dawn leaned up and kissed him soundly.

"Yay! And no offense to the others, but I want it to be just the two of us." Spike nodded in agreement and she snuggled happily into his arms as they drifted off to sleep.

She looked _absolutely incredible and she knew it. Spike had been reaching under the bed for his other shoe when he felt that certain shiver that told him Dawn was nearby. He looked up to find her leaning seductively in the doorway, her arm stretched along the frame above her head. Her hair was upswept and she was wearing a sexy black dress that embraced every inch of her body as though it had been painted on. The neckline plunged all the way to her navel with a flimsy little crystal closure nestled between her breasts that did little but keep the dress from becoming indecent. It hugged the curve of her hip and skimmed her thighs stopping just above her knees. Her legs as always were gorgeous, covered in sheer silk stockings ending in a pair of impossibly high, black strappy heels. She watched the path his gaze had taken, a gleam in her eye._

"So," she said casually as she stuck her foot forward slightly. "You like these shoes." Still on his knees beside the bed, he watched wordlessly as she slunk towards him, her hips moving provocatively. He stood slowly as she came to a stop in front of him. She brushed her hands over his chest and watched as the flames climbed higher in his eyes.

"Yeah, those shoes," he began as his look trailed fire up and down her body. "Bloody fantastic." Spike's voice was low and deep as he brought his arms up to pull her close. His eyes widened as his hands touched her back and encountered nothing but bare skin. He took her hand and turned her around slowly so he could get the full effect of the dress. "You just _love to torture me, don't you? Like I'm even going to be able to __think when you're sittin' across from me wearing that!" She kissed him lightly on the mouth and slipped from his arms as she turned to go._

"Wait till you see what I have underneath," she said with a come-hither look over her shoulder as she left the room, laughing when he groaned. Spike finished dressing and came into the living room looking stylish as ever in tight black jeans, a dark blue, long sleeve, knit v-neck sweater and his black leather blazer. He pulled Dawn in close to his side giving her a brief, punishing kiss. She smiled, knowing he was still all wound up from earlier.

"Look at you two!" Anya exclaimed. "You guys are just the sexiest couple ever," she said teasingly. Xander smiled as they bantered back and forth, but didn't join in the repartee, knowing things weren't fixed yet between him and Spike.

"Ready to go?" Dawn said as she caressed Spike's cheek.

"Always," he replied hotly, bringing a smile to both girls' faces.

"Don't wait up!" Dawn called as they headed out the door.

The restaurant was lovely with delicious food, good music, and a large dance floor that Dawn and Spike planned to utilize after they ate. They talked and laughed and generally had a wonderful time, but Spike found he couldn't wait to get out of the place. Everything Dawn did was laced with innuendo, and it was slowly driving him out of his mind. The way she looked at him, the things she said, everything seemed designed to seduce. She enjoyed teasing him while they sat at the table, brushing up against him as they looked over the menu, gently caressing his thigh when no one could see; she kept him highly aroused and slightly on edge. Dancing with her, holding her close, her body moving sinuously against his was like the sweetest kind of torture. He couldn't seem to keep his hands off the supple skin exposed by her dress. Her back, her arms, she was so warm and soft and sweet. They eventually moved back to the table; they talked about a lot of things, but she kept giving him that _look, the one that made him want to leap across the table and have his way with her so he wisely signaled for the check._

They drove for awhile listening to music and letting the breeze drift through the windows and wind around them. It was very peaceful and some of the tension drained out of Spike's body. Being with Dawn like this was something he was grateful for every day. Sharing a quiet moment, an intimate look, just holding hands; he had come so close to losing her that every moment was precious. Instead of going home Spike turned off and headed towards a special place, a place where they could sit and look at the stars with no one else around to intrude on their evening. He parked the car then put the top down before pulling Dawn over next to him. She went willingly, resting her head on his shoulder as they gazed silently at the night sky.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" Spike asked.

"I always have a good time with you, no matter what we're doing." Spike smiled.

"Even when we're fighting off monsters?"

"You know I love a good workout. Besides, it's fun to watch you when you're in your 'bad ass' mode."

"Hey!" Spike said in mock indignation. "That's not a "mode"; I _am a bad ass!" Dawn laughed._

"Who do you think you're talking to here? This is me, the person who knows for a fact that you're just a big softie at heart."

"That's just for you. I'm not like that with anyone else."

"Only because you don't let yourself, not because it isn't there." They were quiet as they gazed at the stars above them. "Have you ever considered all the things that had to happen to bring us together? All the things that could have gone so differently," Dawn said reflectively.

"I never really thought about it that way," Spike replied.

"You should have been dead and buried over a hundred years ago and I wasn't even a person. Those two things alone are remarkable, but you factor in all the other stuff we've been through and it's just…"

"I know," Spike interjected. "It boggles the mind." They sat in companionable silence for awhile, but soon her hand moved to stroke his leg. Spike smiled and stilled the movement of her hand as it crept higher. "Whoa, there! You've been teasing me all bloody night; I can't take much more."

"No, no, no, see _teasing implies I have no intention of following through. No, what I'm working on is foreplay." She smiled wickedly and moved her hand slightly beneath his palm. Spike brought her hand to his lips, tenderly kissing her fingertips._

"Maybe you should wait till we get home for the foreplay, sweet." Dawn turned toward him, her body pressed tightly to his side as she placed moist, open-mouthed kisses along the cord in his neck.

"What's wrong with here?" She whispered against his skin.

"What are you _doing to me?" he groaned._

"We've never made love by starlight; I bet it's beautiful." She trailed her fingers up his chest and turned his face towards her for a kiss. He growled low in his throat as he gave in and pulled her up so they were face to face. She straddled his legs and leaned in to deepen the pressure of her lips against his. He pulled the pins from her hair so that it fell down around her shoulders like a cloud of silk. He stroked her cheek, pushing her hair back slightly and then drew his fingers down her spine. She shivered and arched her back, pressing her hips into him. He groaned and brought his hand around to caress her hip, sliding up to the opening of her dress. He leaned forward to kiss the bare skin there and moved his hand to her breast, rubbing his thumb across the tip. He undid the closure of her dress so he had better access and she moaned, her head tipping back at the sensation of his mouth moving on her aroused flesh. She brought his face to hers and their mouths met in urgent, aching need. His hands moved to slowly caress her thigh, inching her skirt upward as he stroked higher and higher. His movement halted abruptly and he broke off the kiss to look down at where his hand rested on her leg. Their eyes met and Dawn smiled slightly at the look on his face.

"You're wearing a garter belt," he rasped as he pulled on the skinny strap hooked to her stocking. Dawn glanced down and replied nonchalantly,

"Yeah, it's new. You like it?" Flames leapt in his eyes in response and she leaned down to kiss him again, whispering into his mouth, "I'm not wearing anything else." Spike groaned and crushed her to him, his hands pushing her dress up further and moving to begin an intimate caress that drove her wild. Dawn reached down to pull his sweater up and off over his head, needing to touch bare skin. Her movements were jerky as she kissed wherever she could reach, his neck, his shoulders, his chest then back to his mouth. She whimpered with need as her body wound tighter and tighter. She was more than ready when she reached for the snap of his jeans and undid his pants. She moved onto him quickly, moaning as he slid inside her. Spike groaned, barely able to hold on as she began to move frantically, desperate for release. It was quick and intense as they went over the edge together, Dawn clinging to him unable to hold in her excited moans of pleasure. She kissed him sweetly, wanting to be connected to every part of him as she slowly came down from the heights of passion. She muttered something and for a moment they were in the most beautiful place Spike had ever seen and he knew they had left their own world, but then in the blink of an eye they were back in the clearing under the stars. He glanced at the amazing woman he held in his arms and knew that in his whole existence he had never felt the kind of love he felt for her, and he wished they could stay in this moment forever.

Afterward they sat nestled together side by side, Spike bare-chested and smoking, Dawn sleepy and thoughtful. She traced her fingers up and down his arm and when she looked up she found he was watching her, his eyes filled with curiosity.

"Where did you take me?"

"Here in the car, have you forgotten already? I think I'm insulted," Dawn said teasingly. Spike laughed in appreciation.

"You know that's not what I meant. Where did we go?"

"It's a place called Caelum; it looks like how I always pictured paradise."

"Why did we only stay for a moment?"

"If you stay too long you lose the will to leave; it's something in the atmosphere I think, it affects the mind." She looked up at him. "I knew we couldn't stay long, but I wanted to show it to you. The trip didn't make you feel sick did it?"

"No, that first trip when you rescued us, _that made me sick, but I think I'm getting used to the sensation."_

"I figured you would. The others, I think it will always make them sick."

"Because they're human?" She nodded.

"Humans weren't meant to travel like that." Spike nodded in agreement. He studied her appraisingly. "What?" she asked. He continued to look at her and his expression grew serious.

"Every time we're together I feel so…complete, like everything in the world finally makes sense. When I look at you I see my salvation, and I know how lucky I am. I know I don't deserve you. I've done so many horrible things and sometimes it seems like the good I've done really doesn't mean much, but you make me feel like what I do is worthwhile and important, like maybe I could be a hero for once. I've never been a hero, not when I was alive and definitely not after I died." Dawn put her arms around him and kissed his cheek.

"You've always been _my hero. You've always been the one protecting me and comforting me. Don't you know by now how much that means to me? How much every little bit of good you do means to the world? Every time you choose to fight against evil you're doing something amazing, something worthwhile." _

"Thank you," he whispered and leaned in for a soft kiss, holding her gently against his chest. "We should probably head home; with everything that's happened lately I wouldn't want to worry them." Dawn reluctantly agreed.

"I guess you're right, but I could stay here forever." Spike put his sweater back on and started the car while Dawn straightened her clothing. She flipped down the mirror to examine her makeup and used her fingers to comb through her hair. Spike smiled and said,

"Leave it, you look good with your hair all mussed and your lips swollen from kissing." She gave him a funny look.

"Yeah, you _must be in love; I look awful!"_

"You look sexy." Dawn slid over and snuggled up against his side as he drove.

"I love you." Spike put his arm around her and they headed home.

When they got home Xander and Anya were still up watching a movie. Anya was sitting on the couch with her knees drawn up, a bowl of popcorn in her lap; she smiled as they came through the door and gave a little wave.

"You guys were out pretty late," she said with a knowing look.

"You didn't have to wait up; I hope we didn't worry you," Dawn said as she dropped into the chair.

"No, I just…couldn't sleep. Xander suggested watching a movie. So, did you have good time?" Dawn looked up at Spike and blushed.

"Yeah, it was great." Anya laughed.

"I bet!"

"Where is everybody?" Spike asked.

"Since we wanted to watch the TV, Willow and Tara are sleeping in our room, and Giles is sacked out in the den," Xander replied. Just then the room began to shake and a rumbling noise could be heard. It lasted for a couple minutes and then stopped abruptly. Everyone was frozen for a moment and then Anya said,

"I thought you didn't have earthquakes here." Dawn's face had grown pale.

"We don't. That wasn't an earthquake; something is coming." She turned to Spike. "Hurry, wake the others. It's not safe for us here; we have to go." Spike ran to get them and Xander held onto Dawn who looked like she might faint at any moment.

"Are you okay?"

"There's not enough time; I don't think we're going to make it." The room rumbled again and cracks ran down the wall around the door. Dawn stared at the wall as it began to disintegrate. "It's here."

TBC

_Here's another chapter; hope you enjoy it! I should be wrapping this up pretty soon._


	20. The End of the Beginning

A Kiss Before Waking

Author: kittyb90

The End of the Beginning

            "Get down!" Dawn shouted just before the door burst off its hinges and flew across the room. She moved quickly, knocking Xander and Anya to the ground and out of harm's way as Spike and the others came running in.

            "What's going on?" Willow shouted over the din.

            "Hurry! We've got to get out of here," Dawn cried. Something was coming through the wall and Dawn stood up quickly. She turned and the air around her crackled ominously. As she threw her hand up something that looked like a bolt of lightning shot from her palm and slammed into the creature intent on attacking them. It squealed in pain and fell away from the wall. Dawn hurriedly gathered everyone together, and they linked hands immediately. They flashed into Spike's apartment and everyone except Spike and Dawn collapsed. Xander, sick and gasping on the floor, looked up and said,

            "Well, that sucked. What the hell was that and how did you do that…whatever you did to kill it?"

            "I didn't kill it; I just wounded it." She paced nervously around the room, stopping to peer out a window. "I don't know if we're safe here."

            "Do you think it could track us?" Spike asked.

            "I'm not even sure what the hell it was; I didn't get a very good look."

            "I think it was an Eversor demon," Anya said. "I've only seen one once before. They're pretty scary."

            "Eversor, Eversor," Dawn muttered. "No, they can't track dimensional travel. They could've tracked us if we'd gone on foot, but since we didn't we should be safe here. But not for long. They have to be summoned so I'm guessing whoever summoned it isn't through with us."

            "They left the house, just as you hoped they would." Sorcha greeted the news with a smile.

            "Did you follow them?" she asked.

            "No they didn't go by foot, but the prophets sensed a dimensional shift and we believe they have gone to the vampire's home."

            "At last, the prophets prove useful! Spike's home, hmm? We need no invitation there. Gather your men and wait for my order; it is time to take care of our little problem." She smiled and left to prepare. _Stupid humans! she thought. They had played right into her hands. The girl would, of course, be killed immediately along with the others, but it was no longer necessary to kill Spike. He had already done whatever damage had been prophesied. She smiled slightly; maybe she would keep him around to play with. He'd be an exciting partner if he would only remember what he was and stop playing at being human. She would just have to remind him._

            "So what's the plan?" Xander asked. Dawn continued to pace without answering. "There is a plan, right?" He looked at Spike then at Giles and then back to Dawn before sinking onto the sofa, a sick expression on his face. "Oh, god! We have no plan."

            "Something isn't right," Dawn said looking around the apartment. "Spike, do you have any weapons here?" He shot her a look before replying,

            "What do I look like, a bloody ponce? Course I got weapons!" She smiled at his insulted tone of voice.

            "Sorry honey, I forgot you're like a walking armory. I think we need to prepare for battle. If I had to bet on who summoned that thing, smart money would be on Sorcha." She looked at Giles who nodded in agreement. "She wants us where she can attack."

            "I don't get it. Doesn't she need an invite?" Xander asked, puzzled.

            "Not if the guy who lives here is a dead man," Anya noted as she began to understand what was happening.

            "We need to grab weapons and get the hell out. If there's going to be a battle I'd prefer to be somewhere with a little more maneuvering room," Dawn said.

            "Why don't we go back to Sunnydale?" Tara asked. "She couldn't get into our houses without an invite." Dawn shook her head.

            "She'd just keep coming, driving us out. No, I have to fight her here. Now. You don't have to stay, but…" They all broke in with assurances that they would stay and help. Willow looked at Spike in confusion and pointed out,

            "You said you have weapons, but Tara and I stayed here quite awhile and I didn't see any." Spike grinned.

            "You have to know where to look." He stood and led them all into the bedroom.

            "Hey, this better not be about to get weird," Xander started jokingly, but wisely shut his mouth when Giles gave him a censuring look. Spike opened a door to reveal a tiny closet that was barely big enough to hold the clothes that were in it.

            "If this is the armory I think we're screwed," Anya declared. Spike just shook his head as he pushed aside the clothes and opened a hidden panel behind them. They all stepped into a much larger room filled with stakes and knives, crossbows and swords of various sizes and one mean looking flamethrower.

            "Holy shit!" Xander exclaimed.

            "This storage area was here when I moved in, but I built a false wall so it would look like an innocent little closet if anybody ever searched my place," Spike explained. "Someone found all those weapons they might think I was up to something."

            "Very cool!" Xander enthused as he took it all in. Giles nodded approvingly.

            "Clever idea."

            "Yes, very," Dawn agreed with a smile. "Now grab whatever you can carry and let's move out."

            "They're on the move again." Sorcha spun around to face a vampire named Dalton.

            "What?"

            "They've left the vampire's place," he informed her.

            "Are they on foot?"

            "The scout we had watching his place says they left on foot, but then he lost them and another dimensional shift was detected." Sorcha watched him while she thought.

            "Why did they leave? They should have assumed they were safe and settled in." The vampire across the room just shrugged.

            "Maybe the girl is smarter than you thought. She's obviously not a normal human." Sorcha glared before stalking across the room to stand in front of him.

            "Are you questioning my plan?"

            "N-n-no, of course n-not," he stuttered.

            "You think I can't outsmart this _child? I, who have existed since before Christ himself was born?"_

            "No, of course that's not what I meant at all." He paced back a step to escape her fury.

            "I am more powerful than your tiny mind could imagine. I will not allow some _little girl to best me!"_

            "She doesn't stand a chance. I am certain of it." She watched him closely before turning angrily on her heel.

            "Leave me!" she commanded with a wave of her hand and he exited quickly. 

            There was another round of sickness and recovery when they arrived at the spot Dawn had chosen for the battle. It was a large abandoned warehouse on the far side of town. It was scattered with old packing crates, and there was an office on the second level with a small balcony overlooking the first floor. She figured it would work well for their purposes. She and Spike secured the area, making sure no innocent bystanders were around to get caught in the crossfire. Anya sat on the floor with her head in her hands. She peered up at Dawn.

            "Now _why exactly did we have to go on that particular ride again?" she asked tremulously. Dawn watched her with concern; she had been through so much. Dawn knelt down beside her and rubbed her back comfortingly._

            "I'm sorry. Someone was following us and we needed time to set up here. I couldn't let them find us too easily so…"

            "So the sick-making trip again, I get it. I don't enjoy it, but I get it," Anya interrupted with a tiny smile. Xander helped her stand up and Dawn hurried back to Spike. They set up a few booby traps and a perimeter alarm to let them know when someone approached. They planned their strategy for who would do what and where everyone would start. All that was left was the waiting.

            Spike and Dawn sat in the near darkness next to a large empty crate. He watched her silently for a moment as she thought about what lay ahead for them. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of smokes. As he shook one free he paused and looked at Dawn.

            "You mind?" She turned her head towards him and gave him a small smile.

            "It's odd but I think I've begun to appreciate the smell of cigarette smoke." He grinned and lit one. He took a drag and pulled the smoke into his lungs as he slipped the Zippo back in his pocket. Exhaling, he leaned forward to rest his arms on his legs.

            "You ready for this?" Spike asked and was pleased when he saw fierce determination light her face.

            "I'm ready. I'm worried about Anya though; she looked sicker than the others after that trip and kind of weak."

            "Yeah, I noticed. I think the stress is getting to her. You healed her physically, but she's still dealing with all of it in her mind."

            "She hasn't been sleeping or eating well; I hope she can handle this fight." Spike nodded and said,

            "She's got the flamethrower so she shouldn't have to do too much actual fighting." Dawn glanced around at the setup. Giles was on the balcony with a crossbow prepared to take out as many vamps as possible from above. He also had a couple stakes and a sword in case he had to go hand to hand. Willow and Tara each had a stake and a crossbow while Xander had a sword, some stakes and a couple knives. Anya, of course, had the flamethrower. Spike and Dawn had both opted for just a couple stakes. They were all in specific locations around the ground floor each couple grouped together, although Dawn figured she and Spike would move around as needed. There were other weapons hidden strategically around the warehouse for easy access once the battle began.

            "Do _you think I'm ready for all this?" Dawn asked him curiously._

            "I think you're a great warrior with mysterious powers, and I think you know better than I do what we're dealing with and whether you're ready. But if it matters to you I _do think you're ready." He leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. She reached up to caress his cheek and whispered,_

            "It matters." She smiled and his heart ached at how she looked in that moment. She had changed into a pair of his sweatpants and an old t-shirt before they left; she wore an old pair of shoes that Red had left at the apartment and her hair was piled messily on top of her head. Her makeup was smudged and she had a scratch on her cheek, but he thought she had never looked quite so beautiful. He heard a noise and at first it didn't quite register, but when he realized what it was he tensed in anticipation.

            "Perimeter alarm."

            "Here we go."

            Sorcha was filled with excitement as the vampires slowly surrounded the building. Six humans and Spike against an army of her best soldiers, they didn't stand a chance. She turned to Dalton.

            "Kill the humans and bring Spike to me. Do _not kill him; he's mine!" He started towards the building. "Oh, and Dalton?" He turned and lifted his head questioningly and was surprised when she smiled. "Make them suffer!"_

            "My pleasure," he said, returning the smile.

            Brigham sat with Drusilla in her room. They had been left behind while the others went out to start a war. Sorcha thought he had lost his mind just like Drusilla, but that was what he had wanted her to think. He _had been a little confused at first, but everything had quickly become clear to him. He knew what needed to be done. He watched as Drusilla swayed back and forth, swirling her hands through the air. Her expression grew distressed and she whimpered quietly._

            "It's here; I can see it. It cries out to be free." Her whimper grew to a whine as she wrung her hands. Brigham took her shoulders, shaking her gently.

            "Then we shall go and release it." He took her hand and pulled her along behind him.

            "Oh goody! Are we going to a party?" She looked up at him and he could see the child she used to be looking out at him through her eyes. He smiled.

            "Yes. The most wonderful party you could ever imagine." She clapped her hands together in delight and they left quickly.

            They poured through the door like insects; Giles took out six of them with the crossbow in a matter of minutes. Five of them immediately tripped the booby traps and lost their heads for their troubles. Spike rushed into the fray with fists flying, dusting vamps as he went. He had begun to feel like this battle was going to be one of his easier ones when a vamp suddenly grabbed him by the throat and lifted him high in the air. He struggled and fought but couldn't get free. A bolt of lightning hit the vamp in the back and Spike fell unceremoniously to the floor as the vampire burst into flames and turned to dust. He looked up to see Dawn holding her hand out to him and pulled himself up with a smile. A group of vampires attacked Xander; he was able to stake two of them before they pinned him down. Willow and Tara staked two of them from behind and Anya laid out a burst of flame. The vampires stumbled back in an attempt to escape it, but they all went up in the blaze. Giles continued to take out as many as he could from the balcony but a couple of them had worked their way up to him so he had to put aside the crossbow and fight them off. As Dawn fought, she touched random vampires causing them to stop fighting and stumble off in a daze. Some were susceptible and some weren't, but every little bit counted and would eventually work to their advantage. Spike noticed the affected vamps and worked his way over to Dawn.

            "What are you doing to them?" he asked. She smiled mysteriously as she plunged a stake into the vampire she was fighting.

            "I'm showing them the way." He ducked a punch and landed one of his own before muttering,

            "Thanks for clearing that up. What about the other ones, the ones that don't wander off all confused?" He blocked another punch and kicked the vampire in the gut. She turned to another vamp that didn't appear to respond to "the way" and shot a bolt of sizzling electricity into him. He caught fire and turned to dust at the same time Spike dusted the one he was fighting. She smiled at him through the hazy cloud and said with some satisfaction,

            "They die." Spike nodded with a shrug and surged back into the fight.

            The battle wore on and no matter how many vampires they killed there seemed to be more to replace them. Dawn and Spike were doing alright, but the others were slowly losing ground. Xander and Anya were barely holding off an attack while a group of vamps backed them into a corner. If Anya hadn't had the flamethrower they'd be out of luck. Giles was faring only slightly better with his sword and tiring quickly. Willow was trying to wake an unconscious Tara while keeping the vampires at bay with a magical barrier. Dawn glanced over to where Spike was fighting off three vamps at once. From the corner of her eye she saw a vampire coming up behind him quickly with a stake raised, ready to strike. She began to call out when suddenly Drusilla was there, her hand grasping the vampire's wrist and halting the downward momentum of the stake. Dawn watched in astonishment as Dru effortlessly snapped the vamps wrist, twisting his arm so the stake pierced his own heart and he disappeared in a cloud of dust. Drusilla caught Dawn's eye and smiled. Not the mad, gleeful grin she usually wore, but a smile of peace and contentment. Spike spun around and watched his former love in confusion, but Dawn understood and turned to watch as all the vampires affected by her touch joined in to fight alongside her and her friends. The tide had turned; the odds were definitely in their favor now.

            Sorcha watched in shock as half her army turned against the other half. She didn't understand what had happened but she knew it must be the work of that damn girl. _Time to finish this, she decided, spotting Dawn in the crowd. Sorcha stalked toward the girl, shoving her way through the battle that raged around her. She noticed a fallen sword and picked it up without missing a step. The girl was fighting a vampire, seemingly unaware of the danger behind her; Sorcha smiled with anticipation as she raised the sword and prepared to strike. As she brought the sword down she was surprised by a kick to the gut; it was hard and quick and she stumbled back nearly dropping her weapon. She looked around swiftly, but didn't see who had landed the blow. Sorcha glanced up as Dawn dusted the vampire and spun to face her with a grin._

            "Thought I didn't notice you, huh?" The grin widened as Dawn delivered a roundhouse kick to Sorcha's head. This time she did drop the sword, but recovered quickly and blocked Dawn's next attempt.

            "You kicked me?" Sorcha blocked a punch and landed one of her own before receiving an elbow to the jaw.

            "You're not very stealthy; I didn't even have to look," Dawn taunted as she ducked the vampire's kick. "You're techniques not so great either." Dawn stepped sideways kicking out and catching Sorcha in the hip, following it up with a quick one-two combination and another roundhouse. Sorcha had been caught off guard by the girl's strength and skill, but as she recovered she began to block many of Dawn's blows. When Sorcha received yet another kick to the head she became enraged. She knocked Dawn's fists away and grabbed her by the throat, lifting her high with a crushing grip.

            "I grow weary of this fighting; I think I'll kill you now." Dawn instinctively clawed at the hands cutting off her air supply as she began to panic. The battle around her seemed to move in slow motion as she fought to breathe. She saw Spike fighting a couple vamps with his back to her and closed her eyes briefly; her panic slowly subsided and she stopped the desperate movement of her hands. Sorcha smiled thinking the girl was losing consciousness, but when Dawn's eyes opened and Sorcha met that steady gaze she was filled with a sense of foreboding.  Hands gripped her head suddenly and a burst of electricity coursed through her body. A scream was ripped from her throat as the pulse went on and on without end. Her flesh began to smoke although there was no fire and she couldn't shake free of those tormenting hands; Sorcha decided it would be best to release the girl. As Dawn fell to the floor, she brought a hand down and slammed her palm into the vampire's chest, delivering one last jolt that sent Sorcha flying backwards into a crate with enough force that it collapsed in around her. Dawn started over to finish her off, but was distracted from her task when another vampire attacked her. Soon she was back in the battle, too busy to think about the downed vampire.

            It wasn't long before they had gotten the best of the little vampire army. Many had been killed while some lay unconscious around the warehouse. Dawn and the others wandered around and dusted them. When they were through they all gathered around Dawn, watching the vampires that had helped them. Spike turned to Dawn, puzzled.

            "Why did they help us?"

            "I showed them the way and now they want me to free them," Dawn said as Dru stood looking at her.

            "Free them from _what?" Xander asked._

            "Their demon." Spike looked at her in surprise as she walked over to Drusilla. Dawn reached her hand towards Dru, pausing to ask, "Are you sure?"

            "Oh, yes, please!" she whispered happily. Dawn put her hand on Drusilla's forehead as she chanted,

            "_Abiungo. Eximo! Abiungo. Eximo!" A green light moved from Dawn's hand and spread through Drusilla's body; her head tilted back as her mouth opened in a silent cry and she began to convulse. The light spread and grew until it became blinding and they had to shield their eyes in pain. There was one last flash and then the light was gone and Drusilla's body dropped to the floor. Spike turned to her in confusion._

            "What happened?"

            "I separated her body from the demon possessing it and sent the demon back where it came from."

            "So she's dead?" Anya asked. "I mean, _actually dead."_

            "Her human body and soul are at peace the way they should have been when she first died," Dawn explained.

            "But she _wanted you to do that…whatever you just did; why would a vampire voluntarily release the body it inhabited?" Willow asked._

            "It didn't; I forced it out. Drusilla's _human mind allowed me to." Dawn looked at Spike. "I told you I showed them the way, but all that really meant was that I gave them a reminder. A reminder of how things should be."_

            "I'm lost," Xander sighed.

            "Do you mean you gave them their souls?" Giles asked.

            "No, definitely not. I don't have that kind of power. What I did was allow the demon to be suppressed enough for the human side to take over briefly." She approached the rest of the vampires and repeated the process until they were all on the floor.

            "What about-" Willow was interrupted when Dawn closed her eyes and waved her hands over the vampires causing them to disappear, "-the bodies?" They all turned to look at Dawn.

            "What...where are they?" Tara asked.

            "Their graves."

            They went back to Spike's figuring Dawn's place might need a little fixing up before it was livable again. Everyone was bruised and tired from the battle and a little shocked at what had happened. Dawn had healed their wounds, but a pervasive weariness still filled their bodies and it wouldn't quite go away. Spike held Dawn tightly in his arms that night as they lay in bed.

            "Hell of a battle," Dawn said tiredly. Spike nodded, brushing his chin against her hair.

            "Why didn't it affect all of them?" Spike asked curiously. Dawn turned to face him, caressing his jaw tenderly.

            "Not all vampires have any humanity to reach. Those are the ones I can't help."

            "Maybe you should have kept them around; they could have helped us in the fight. They sure as hell helped tonight."

            "It wouldn't last forever; eventually the demon would take over again and continue to wreak havoc. They're not like you. _All of you decided to change, for them it was just a temporary fix." She leaned up to kiss him gently, pulling back with a smile. "You're unique." They held each other silently for a moment until Dawn said solemnly, "It isn't over, you know; it'll never be over. More will come."_

"We'll be ready," Spike said confidently. "This is what we were meant to do, right?" He glanced down to see her nod in agreement and kissed her knowing whatever happened they would face it together. They always did.

            In the middle of the warehouse a pile of rubble moved slightly suddenly flying in all directions as Sorcha managed to pull herself to her feet. She trembled as she looked around at the deserted building. Her army was gone, the only evidence that they ever existed a fine layer of dust covering the floor. A growl started low in her throat as she thought about what that bitch had taken from her. There was no option now. The girl had to die, and Sorcha would make that death a reality if it was the last thing she did. The growl rose to a deafening roar as her mouth twisted into a feral grin.

THE END

_I hope you enjoyed this story. I figured it was time to wrap this up, but I'm planning a sequel where I'll chronicle the ongoing battle and go into Sorcha's history a little more. I hope you read it as well as my other stories. Thanks for all the reviews and wonderful feedback; you guys are great! _

_Just wanted to say that the sequel is now up and running! Hope you like it._


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